Love, Tussles, and Takedowns (Cactus Creek #3)(30)

That he simply wasn’t the man who could give her everything she deserved.

She gazed into his eyes and offered softly, “If it bothers you, I can take them off. I know if the positions were reversed—”

“You’d insist I not take them off until I was ready,” he finished, knowing the truth in that implicitly. “Just like I’m insisting.”

Not wanting her to think that his stopping was because of anything she did wrong, he placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I didn’t stop out of jealousy over you wearing the rings or anything like that, sweetheart. Truly. I know you’re not pining. I know you’ve made peace with being a widow. But being at peace with something and moving on to the next step are two completely different things. Nothing about the situation you’ve had to survive is simple to move on from—not how your best friend was taken from you, and certainly not how he ‘died.’ You shouldn’t rush it just to round a few bases.”

With me.

In his mind, the unspoken two words held the heaviest weight of his concerns.

She sighed. “I’m sorry I come with baggage.”

Startled, he almost chuckled at the absurdity of that. Given all she’d gone through in her life, in his book, Lia was the most unbelievably strong and well-adjusted woman in the world.

He, on the other hand…

“Honey, you have dainty little carry-ons compared to the giant suitcases I have.”

He looked down and saw—but couldn’t feel—her fingers intertwine with his. It drove him crazy that he couldn’t feel the gesture.

Even more so when it was accompanied by her quiet question: “Will you ever let me help you carry your suitcases with you? Not for you. Just with you.”

Stunned both by her question and by the answer in his gut, he replied truthfully, “I don’t know. But you’re the first person who I’ve ever even thought of asking.”



*



AN HOUR AND A HALF later, Lia was fast asleep in his arms just as the film credits for the old kung-fu movie they’d been watching started scrolling across the screen.

Hudson flipped to one of the cable channels and saw that a cop show he liked was on re-run. Tucking a blanket around Lia, he settled in to watch some mindless TV, knowing he was far too keyed up to sleep for a while.

The idea of being in a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with Lia was simultaneously perfectly-fitting and disquieting. He’d known it would be like this. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to stay away from her, despite the forked path in their futures. Not just because the idea of Lia with any other man made him violently ill, but also because of that feeling he got whenever he was around her. The feeling of not ever wanting to have her too far, physically or emotionally. He wanted to be by her side through all the good, and especially the bad. It went beyond possessiveness, and it was more profound than protectiveness.

She wasn’t just the newfound joy in his life that made him feel alive; she was the oxygen he didn’t have to think about needing to live. Being with her was as effortless as breathing.

And he imagined being without her would be just as devastating as if he stopped.

Truth be told, he’d passed that point of no return when she’d brought his nerve-damaged hand up to her lips, knowing he couldn’t physically feel the tender gesture.

She was the miracle he didn’t feel worthy of…but was going to fight like hell to hold on to.

For as long as his demons would allow.

The sounds of a scuffle from the TV show he’d glazed over filtered through his deep thoughts, and began filling the apartment. Car tire screeches and shouted threats followed. Damn complicated universal remotes. A round of gunshots blasted from the speakers in an eardrum-cracking pop-pop-pop.

Lia jolted awake beside him and he winced.

He grabbed the main TV remote from the side table just as the cop in the flash-forwarded scene on screen was asking if forensics had ID’d the weapon yet.

“A Glock 33—.357 sig,” answered the guy’s partner.

In stereo with Lia.

Hudson grinned. “I guess you’ve seen this one before, huh? I’m a few years behind on my TV shows—” His grin faded when he saw that Lia was white as a ghost. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

A flashback on screen brought the muted sound of gunfire back in the apartment.

And Lia flinched—actually flinched—with her jaw locked and eyes suddenly turbulent with deep-set pain. When the cops came back on the screen, she took a deep breath and shook her head, giving him a shaky smile as she replied, “I’m okay. Just startled awake.”

Then, as if sifting through scattered thoughts, she answered belatedly, “No, I never saw that episode before. I don’t really like watching these crime investigation shows.”

Hudson shut the TV off and pulled her into his arms.

He waited until he felt all her stiff muscles eventually sink into his hold before asking the question he hoped to hell he was wrong about, “Your parents didn’t die in a car accident or anything like that, did they?”

She stilled again for a moment before answering softly, “No.”

He kicked himself repeatedly for not having asked this whole time. When you hear both sets of parents died, you just assume… Dammit. Even if he hadn’t jumped to that conclusion, however, there was still no way he would’ve been prepared to hear what she was going to say next.