Love, Come to Me(36)

“Slow,” her father answered, and sat down to the table with a long sigh. She watched him while he ate, knowing that if she touched even a morsel of the food on her plate she would be sick. Finally Lucas set his fork down and met her swollen eyes with a resolute stare. “Knowing how you feel about Daniel, I would have believed it of any girl in town except you. Not only that, but”—his expression was bewildered and severely troubled—“doing what you were doing, with the whole of Concord a few yards away.” Lucy nodded, putting a shaking hand to her brow, unable to meet his gaze any longer. “I’m surprised at your actions, not his,” her father continued, sounding unbearably tired. “Everyone knows what Southerners think of Northern women. Of course he would take advantage of you, given half a chance. Mind you, he’s not a bad man for a Southerner, but he’s got the same faults as the rest of them.”

“Why are you talking about him?” Lucy demanded, her nerves strung to the breaking point. “I’m the one who’s in trouble—”

“Let me talk,” Lucas interrupted, his expression turning harsh even though his voice remained calm. She subsided quickly, staring down at her plate and wrapping her arms around her middle. “Mr. Brooks stopped by the store this morning. He told me that his wife and little girl wouldn’t do business here as long as you were working behind the counter, because of the kind of influence you might have on them. Other people feel the same way, Lucy—”

“Then I simply won’t work in the store anymore.”

“They’ll still hold it against me. Business is going to stay slow until you get married and become respectable again.”

“They have no right to judge me!”

“That’s true. But they’re going to, just the same. And what you’ve done, Lucy, has hurt me and my store just as much as it’s hurt your reputation.”

“You must hate me now,” she whispered, wishing that she was a little girl again, wishing he could make her troubles disappear as he once had been able to. Oh, for the times when her problems could be solved with a few words of advice, or a dollar bill, or a piece of candy!

“I don’t hate you. I’m disappointed in you. And mostly I’m concerned about what you’re going to do now. Even if Daniel still wants you, his family will never accept you. They set a big store by reputations.”

“That’s fine,” Lucy said dully. “I’ll just be an old maid like Abigail Collier. I’ll just live here with you.”

“Lucy.” For a second he didn’t seem to know what to say. Then he cleared his throat quietly. “If you stay here with me, my business will get worse. I can’t afford that kind of loss.”

“Are you serious?” she demanded, shooting up from the table with new energy and wiping her eyes angrily. “Has what I’ve done been that bad? That terrible?” He said nothing. His expression closed. The lines around his mouth and nose cut deeply. Lucy sat down slowly. Her face felt stiff and cold, as if it had been chiseled out of stone. He was using the store as an excuse. His disapproval of her was so great that he didn’t want her with him anymore. He did not want to have to stand by a daughter with a blackened reputation. She had never felt so alone. “You’re saying I can’t stay here with you,” she said slowly. “Then where . . . what . . . what will I do?”

“We can try to find someone from your mother’s family in New York to take you in, though I doubt we’ll be able to. She cut herself off from all of them when she married me instead of her cousin. Or you could live with your aunt and uncle in Connecticut.”

“Oh no,” Lucy breathed, shaking her head. “Their house is so tiny, and they can’t afford . . . oh, that wouldn’t work at all. And I’m fond of them, but they’re so . . . strict . . .” She trailed off as her father looked at her regretfully.

“You could have done with a stricter upbringing,” he said. “I’ve done wrong by spoiling you so much. I see that now. But you’re my only child, and for your mother’s sake I didn’t want to deny you anything—”

“Please don’t talk about her,” Lucy choked, turning her back to him and burying her face in a handkerchief.

“There’s one more choice,” Lucas said, and hesitated a long time before continuing. “You could marry Mr. Rayne.”

Lucy spun around and stared at him, stunned. “What did you say?”

“He came by to see me not two hours ago and offered to make you his wife.”

“You’d . . . you’d marry me off to a Confederate?”

“He said he could provide for you. I believe him.”

The breath left her body. For a moment all the rich promise, all the happy anticipation of being Daniel Collier’s wife hung before her. They would have been the most handsome young people in town, popular and admired, with just enough money to go to dinners and plays in Boston; invited to the nicest parties; accepted in the oldest and most respected circles in Concord. All of that would never be hers now. And as Heath Rayne’s wife? They would all look down on her, and Sally would be so sympathetic and sorry for her, and she would have to be humble and self-effacing for years before she was forgiven for having defiled herself with a Southerner.

“No, I won’t,” she said in a near panic. “You can’t make me marry him, you can’t force me to—”