Love, Come to Me(106)

When he sensed that she was ready to talk, Heath loosened his arms a little. “You were strong for me when I needed you.” His voice was quiet and steady. “Let me be strong for you now. Tell me why you’re afraid, and I’ll tell you why you have no reason to be.”

She hardly knew how to begin. “I don’t even know you when you’re around them. You change into this . . . this patronizing creature, and they look up at you and hang on to your words as if . . . as if you know everything—”

“I’m sorry,” he said, and smiled ruefully at her indignancy and bewilderment. He should have expected that his behavior with Raine and Amy would seem strange to Lucy . . . Lucy, who had no experience with the rituals of flattery and condescension they had all been raised on. Back in the days in Virginia before the war, he had been unaware that there was any other way for men and women to relate to each other. A man naturally had to maintain the pretense that he knew everything, and a woman naturally pretended that she believed him. A Southern woman would never think of puncturing a man’s vanity, no matter what she thought of him. It had all been pleasant and comfortable, and very easy.

He wondered how he could make Lucy understand that his values had changed. There had come a time when he began to desire honesty from a woman. There had come a time when he had lost Raine, the woman he had imagined himself to be in love with. And after all had been said and done, and he had had time to think, he had decided that he did not want a woman whom he had to treat like a child. Neither had he wanted to be worshipped. He had wanted a woman who could be a partner.

“It’s hard to explain,” he said slowly. “It’s the way they talk to each other in Henrico County. There’s a role that a man is expected to play, and the role that women play. It’s a matter of habit. Theirs and mine.”

“You seem to be enjoying it too much.”

Heath laughed huskily. “Are you afraid I’ll want you to pander to my ego from now on? No. I’m starting to find it a nuisance, as a matter of fact.”

“It doesn’t look like that to me.”

His hands wandered up and down her back in a soothing caress. “It’s true. In the past year I’ve gotten used to being cut down to size whenever I start acting too high-and-mighty. If you didn’t keep me in line, I’d be damn well unmanageable. As it is, you’re going to have a lot of work to do once they leave.”

“I’ve . . . heard that Southerners don’t belong anywhere except in the South.”

“I belong here.”

“Don’t you miss your own kind of people—”

“My own kind?” he repeated, and laughed softly for a reason she didn’t understand. “No, I don’t miss the people I knew back then. You’re the kind of woman I want. Damon’s the kind of business partner I like to work with. We have good friends and neighbors who like to mind their own business. I don’t see room for improvement in any of that.”

“But you came back from Virginia so much happier and stronger than when you had left here . . .”

“If you’ll remember, when I left Boston I was still getting over a previous illness. A little time in the sunshine makes anyone look better.”

“It wasn’t just the sunshine. When you walked in the front door, you were smiling and . . . you were practically glowing, and I knew it was because you had been with—”

“I was happy to be coming home to you, you little numbskull. I couldn’t wait to get back to you, even though I knew you’d have a fit when you found out Raine was here with us.”

“I still don’t want her here.”

“I swear to you I’ll get her out as soon as possible. And you’ll never have to see her again. In the meantime, would you just keep reminding yourself that there’s nothing you have to fear from her?”

She gave a small nod and tried to pull away from him. “Wait,” he said, catching his hands under her elbows, keeping hold of her, even though he let her take a step back. “Where are you planning on going?”

“To the other bedroom. Please don’t argue.”

He was nettled by her stubbornness. “Sleep in here.”

“No . . . I know what would happen if I slept here, and I don’t want that. Not tonight.”

“Cin, it’s been weeks. Months.”

“It’s not my fault! You were sick, and then—”

“Simmer down. I’m not accusing you of anything. We’ve had a bad time of it for the last month or two, and it’s no one’s fault. Circumstances have gotten between us, time and again. But there’s no reason for being apart now, and I don’t want to put up with it any longer.” His voice became softer, cajoling. “You’ve forgotten what it was like between us. Let me take care of you tonight. Let me remind you. Afterwards you’re going to feel better about everything. I promise.”

“I can’t,” she said miserably. “I feel . . . empty . . . drained. There’s nothing in me to give tonight. I don’t want our first time after so long to be like that. It wouldn’t be good. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Lucy—”

“Please, just let me be by myself for tonight.”

Reluctantly he let go of her. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to beg.”