Long Road Home(48)

“Yes. If you give him everything you know, he’ll give us his guarantee that you won’t be punished for your involvement.”

“And you believe him?”

“Yes.”

She nibbled on her bottom lip as she studied the hope burning in Manny’s eyes. She’d give anything to be able to lay everything out for the senator, trust him with her life. The problem was, she didn’t trust him with Manny’s life. And he was the one in danger.

“When does he want to meet with me?”

“Day after tomorrow. In the afternoon.”

She breathed an inward sigh of relief. By then she would be long gone. She wouldn’t have to face that particular obstacle.

“Let’s make lunch,” she suggested, standing up beside the couch.

Manny followed her into the kitchen. “You sit. I’ll cook.”

So she sat at the bar and watched while he clanked around in the cabinets. After surveying the contents of the refrigerator, he stuck his head out and looked back at her. “How’s a hamburger sound?”

“Fine.” It wasn’t like she’d taste it anyway.

He collected the hamburger meat and began forming three patties on the counter a few feet from where she sat. He glanced up at her a few times as if about to say something. Finally, he paused, his hands still dug into the meat.

“Jules, if this works…that is, if the senator comes through, it will mean…it will mean that we can be together. In a normal relationship.”

She froze, unable to immediately formulate a response. How could she when whatever she said would be a lie? If she told him such a relationship was impossible, he’d demand to know why, and yet she just couldn’t commit to the fantasy of them being together when she knew damn well it wasn’t going to happen.

“I want that for us, Jules.” His eyes burned into her, heating her entire body with their intensity.

She finally looked down, unable to meet his gaze any longer. She’d handled difficult situations before. This shouldn’t be any different. But it was. She loved Manny. Had always loved him. And he stood there dangling what she wanted most in the world in front of her.

“What’s wrong, Jules?” he asked. “What are you thinking over there?”

“I-I’m just afraid to get my hopes up.” It was the first truth she’d uttered in a while. “What if the senator doesn’t come through?”

Manny’s eyes steeled in determination. “If he doesn’t, then we’ll find another way. I’m not letting you go.”

Her chest tightened at his possessive statement. She shivered lightly. How good it made her feel to know someone loved her so much. How awful she felt to know what she was going to do to that love.

Manny picked up a dish towel and wiped his hands. Then he reached across the bar and cupped her chin. “I need you to trust me, baby. I won’t let you go.”

She met his gaze. “I do trust you.”

His eyes glinted in satisfaction, and he let his hand slide from her face. He returned to making the hamburgers, and she tried to still the flood of panic flowing through her veins.

She’d made her plans while he’d met with the senator. She knew when and how she would leave the townhouse. The rest—proper credentials, the right clothing and other items necessary to complete her mission—Northstar had given her instructions on how to collect. It was all there in the damning e-mail she’d received.

The only thing she didn’t know was how she would live with herself when it was all said and done.

“Want to eat at the bar or the table?”

She blinked as Manny’s question invaded her thoughts.

“The table is fine.”

“Want to set it for me?”

She slid from the barstool and circled around to retrieve plates and silverware from the kitchen.

“You know, I could get used to this,” Manny said.

“What’s that?”

“You and me in the kitchen. Making meals together. It hints at a rather normal existence.”

She heard the hope in his voice. The hope that they would indeed lead a normal life together. She forced a smile to her lips. “Just don’t get used to the idea of me cooking.”

He laughed. “I’ll do the cooking. You can make it up to me in bed.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She turned away before her expression betrayed her. She busied herself setting the round glass table in the small dining area off the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Manny set a platter with the burgers in the middle of the table. “The buns are by the sink. Can you get them?”

She retrieved the buns, then reached for glasses out of the cabinet. “Want ice?” she called.

“Sure.”

She set the buns down long enough to open the freezer and fill the glasses with ice. To her surprise, a tear trickled down her cheek. She hurriedly dashed it away, but another slid down to take its place.

She drew in deep steadying breaths in an attempt to compose herself, but they came out in stuttered rasps. God almighty, she was a walking disaster. She was cracking. After three years of being a veritable automaton when it came to her job, she was finally losing it. When it mattered the most.

Her hands shook so hard one of the glasses slipped from her grasp and shattered on the floor.