Lighthouse Road (Cedar Cove #1)(65)

Cathy headed for the bathroom to wash her hair while Cecilia read through the package directions. “Did you bring a crochet hook?” she asked when Cathy reappeared with a bathroom towel wrapped around her head.

“No. Do we need one?”

Cecilia wasn’t sure the small plastic hook included in the kit would work as well. “Never mind, we’ll manage with this.”

“Should I make a run over to K mart? I could pick up another package to do your hair, too.”

“Not this time, okay?” Cecilia shook her head. “Look—I have to draw strands of hair through the holes in this plastic cap….” She frowned as she studied the paraphernalia that had come with the kit.

“Have you heard from Ian lately?”

Cecilia shook her head. It’d been almost three weeks since their anniversary, and she hadn’t thanked him for the flowers, hadn’t even acknowledged getting them. She hadn’t contacted him in any way. Ian hadn’t written her, either. Apparently her message had been received and understood.

“Andrew says they’re putting into port soon.”

“Australia?”

Cathy gave an exaggerated sigh and propped her chin on one knee. “I’ve always wanted to visit the South Pacific.”

“Me, too.”

“In his last letter, Andrew wrote about the night sky,” Cathy said in a soft voice.

Cecilia stopped rereading the directions to listen. Ian loved the stars and was actually quite knowledgeable about the planets and constellations. She remembered the clear summer night he’d pointed out Cassiopeia and recounted the ancient Greek legend about its formation. Cecilia had been enthralled—and she’d learned something new about her husband.

“Andrew said there are a billion stars out at night,” Cathy was saying. “At first he was disappointed because there seemed to be a thin cloud cover that obscured his view.” She paused and laughed softly. “Then Ian told him the cloud cover he was complaining about was actually the Milky Way.”

“Wow.”

She nodded. “Andrew said he’d never seen anything like it.”

Cecilia looked at her friend and was surprised to find tears in her eyes. “You miss him, don’t you?”

Cathy bit her lip and nodded. “Cecilia,” she whispered and reached for her hand, gripping it hard. “I’m pregnant again.”

The again was what threw Cecilia. Andrew and Cathy didn’t have children.

“I miscarried the first two pregnancies,” Cathy explained in a voice that trembled with emotion. “I…don’t know if I can go through that agony a third time.”

Cecilia glanced toward her bedroom and the single photograph she had of Allison. It was a dreadful photo taken shortly after her daughter’s birth. Allison had been so small, her skin so pallid. The hospital had stuck a tiny pink bow in her hair and someone had snapped the shot. It proved to be the only one she would ever have, and Cecilia treasured it.

Looking embarrassed, Cathy wiped her eyes and said, “I knew you’d understand.”

“Oh, I do.”

Impulsively they hugged. The damp towel slipped to the floor, and Cathy buried her face in Cecilia’s shoulder.

“I figure it happened when the George Washington returned for repairs.”

Cecilia was fortunate not to be in the same predicament herself. “You aren’t going to tell Andrew?”

Cathy frowned. “He’ll just worry. He’s half a world away, and there isn’t a thing he can do.”

“You want children?”

Cathy nodded, but the admission seemed to cause her pain. “More than anything. Andrew, too. When I miscarried the first time, we were upset, but when I lost the second pregnancy, it devastated us both. I can’t imagine what’ll happen if I miscarry this time….”

“What do the doctors say?”

“That everything looks normal and healthy, but we were told the same thing before.”

“Was there a medical reason for the miscarriages?”

“No. That’s what makes it so frustrating. They couldn’t find anything wrong.”

“Oh, Cathy…” Cecilia didn’t know what to say that would ease her friend’s fears.

“No one can figure it out. Twice now, and I can’t seem to stay pregnant for more than three months.” She gnawed on her lower lip. “I’m about nine weeks along and I’m so scared.” As if she were suddenly cold, Cathy folded her arms tightly. “I know this sounds crazy, but when I first found out, I actually considered terminating the pregnancy.”

Cecilia said nothing. Cathy needed to confide in her, and this was not the time to be judgmental or to argue with her friend.

“I kept thinking I’d rather lose the baby early than build my hopes up. Now I realize how ludicrous that kind of thinking is.” She drew in a deep breath. “No one else knows I’m pregnant, not even my parents. I didn’t want to say anything until I’m in my fourth month…if I make it that far.”

Cecilia could understand the fear and the doubt. It wasn’t only her own hopes Cathy didn’t want to dash. She was considering those of her husband and her family, as well. Cecilia knew what a difficult burden that was. And she knew that such a burden only grew heavier if you couldn’t share it.