Lana(13)

“I live…nowhere. I travel all the time. I work all the time. I stay on a lot of the resort properties, because it’s just easier.”

“So you have the flight gene, like your mother? You just like to stay on the move?” he asked, his tone probing. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, I knew. He honestly thought that it was my choice to have no home.

“No,” I said quietly. “I don’t like it. It’s bearable, sometimes, I suppose. But who gets to do what they want? That’s what growing up is all about, right? Giving up the things that you really want.”

He made that sympathetic sound in his throat that always made my throat thicken with unwanted tears. “Oh, Lana, I’m sorry to hear that. It was such a comfort to me through the years, thinking that, though we were missing you, at least you were living a life that made you happy.”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. My mind was reeling. Was he trying to break my heart all over again? He had a knack for finding new and surprising ways to do it. Not only had I been miserable without his love, now I had to feel guilt that he was sad without my friendship.

“I would have called you if I knew that you wanted to talk to me,” I told him. I realized, with a burst of bravado, that I wanted to stay in contact with him, wanted to be friends again, no matter how much it broke my heart.

“Oh, Lana.” His voice was an anguished whisper against my hair. “You’re breaking my heart, baby. How I must have hurt you, to have you thinking that I didn’t want contact for all of these years. How could you ever think that?”

Our food arrived, the waitress nodding politely, but retreating quickly. We had to be an uncomfortable sight, me cuddled on his lap with tears in my eyes. It was two heaping plates of sausage and peppers rustica, with liberal portions of thick-crusted bread on the side.

“You never called me, either,” I told him quietly.

He began to prepare a small bite for me, holding it up to my mouth, feeding me like a child. “I was the bastard who violated you, and then embarrassed you. And I know you overheard that unfortunate conversation I had with Milena. You had a good reason to hate me, so I did the only decent thing I could, and waited for you to contact me again when you were ready. I hated my birthdays every year after you left, because I always thought you’d call me. You used to make such a fuss over my birthdays, and some part of me just always hoped you’d soften towards me a little on that day. But I was so disappointed every time, even though I had no right to expect you to forgive me.”

I was crying silently by the time he finished speaking, tears running liberally down my cheeks. I had hated his birthdays too, after I left. I had hated mine, as well. I always took a few days off for both of the dates, needing to be alone for the dark depression that always seemed to overtake me then.

Akira tore off a tiny piece of bread, holding it up to my mouth. I took the bite and chewed it, making myself eat, even though my appetite was nonexistent just then.

“I could never hate you, Akira. I could never even stay mad at you for more than a day, if you recall. Even when I tried very hard to.”

He kissed my head, feeding me a tiny bite of sausage. “It warms my heart to hear that, Lana.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

He fed me nearly half of the oversized plate before I cried uncle, and he let up on hand feeding me. He began to polish off the rest. I tried to move to the other chair so he could get better access to the food. The man had an unbelievable appetite. He always had. I wasn’t about to get between him and his meal.

But his arm just tightened around my waist, holding me to him while he polished off everything left on the table with astonishing speed. He left no crust of bread uneaten.

I was giggling by the time he ate the last scrap of bread, dragging it around one of the plates, getting every last bit of pasta sauce. “I see you still eat a ridiculous amount of food.”

He just grunted, tugging softly on a lock of my hair. “I’m three times the size of most people. Why shouldn’t I eat accordingly?”

“Hmm, that’s true. You wouldn’t want that perfect bod to get scrawny.”

“Are you making fun of me?” he asked, a smile in his voice.

I hadn’t been, but his smile made me smile, and I suddenly did want to tease him. He had always been the best one to tease. Mari, Tutu, my brother Camden, and I had made a game out of it, and I’d always wanted to be the first one to make his mean face crack into a smile. And I usually had. “Of course not. Anything less than four thousand calories a day and you’d lose your position on the Swole Patrol. How embarrassing that would be for you.”

He tickled me until I giggled helplessly. I saw heads turning to watch us out of the corner of my eye as we made a spectacle of ourselves. I couldn’t summon up the will to care if we were making a scene. This felt like old times, happy times, and I was determined to savor it.

“Are you up for a trip to the beach?” he asked me suddenly, his tone serious. “We’ll surf another day, when you’re feeling better. I just want to watch the ocean with you.”

I sighed, knowing I should stay at the hotel and work. And I should have been wary of the beach, considering the night I’d had, but I just couldn’t turn down the chance to spend time with him. I’d never had that ability. And there was nothing in the world I’d rather do, than watch the ocean with Akira. “I’d love to.”