Lacybourne Manor (Ghosts and Reincarnation #3)(126)
She wasn’t comfortable and she wasn’t happy.
She was scared.
More scared than when she walked to her front door and saw Mallory’s motionless body, more scared than when the knife was at her throat, more scared than anytime in her life.
Part anger and part desire to have her cards on the table and find out what he felt for her drove her to say, “Okay, Colin, you want to know, I’ll tell you.”
She turned to him and found that he’d sat up in the bed as well and she had to tilt her head up to look at him. Something made her pause, something that was missing, something that made her fear she couldn’t trust him with this, her deepest secret.
But she’d started and now, she couldn’t stop.
“All my life,” she began, her voice soft, “I knew in my heart, knew without a doubt, that I was destined to be with someone. That some great force, bigger than any human or deity, was going to guide me to that man. I told my family and all my friends. I had boyfriends but I knew none of them was him so I didn’t get attached, couldn’t, because I had to be free when he found me or when I found him.”
She took in a ragged breath and realised she was having trouble breathing. She pulled in all her courage and forged ahead.
“The years passed and he never came. Then I realised he probably wouldn’t. Every day he didn’t come, it broke my heart a little more. That’s why I moved to England. Because I was always at peace here, at Brightrose especially, I knew somewhere deep inside me that this was my place. And if I couldn’t have him at least I’d be home.”
She realised she was relating all of this to Colin’s bare chest and she glanced at him and saw he was utterly still and, even at her glance, he remained completely silent.
His eyes, however, were very alive, so active she felt they were reaching out absorbing her.
She tried to ignore it, shifted her gaze to the bed and continued.
“A part of me still believed but I was beginning to lose faith.”
She stopped.
This was the hard part. Her breath was coming rapidly and she pulled one in deeply and let it out through her nose.
“Go on,” Colin urged, his voice back to velvet and her eyes flew to his to find them warm and searching.
“Then I dreamed of you.”
His eyes darkened and his hand instantly lifted to cup her jaw tenderly.
“Sibyl,” he murmured.
She shook her head but didn’t dislodge his hand as it slid into her hair, lifting some of its massive weight away from her shoulder.
“I was sure, after that dream, that you were the man I’d been looking for all my life, even though I’d never met you. But it was terrifying because, Colin, in my dream, your throat is slit.”
His hand gently fisted in her hair, he leaned into her and rested his forehead against hers. “You never told me that.”
“It’s true,” she whispered. “I called Mags the minute I dreamed it. She thought it meant I desperately needed a lover.”
She watched his lips turn up.
“Then I met you, Colin, and you were so angry with me, you hated me and I didn’t know why, all I wanted to do was see your house.”
His lips turned down, his hand moved from her hair to glide down her back and pull her to him but she resisted, leaning slightly away, she tilted her head further back to look at him.
“The next time I saw you, you were lovely, you were… wonderful.”
The smile came back but froze at her next words. “Then you offered me fifty thousand pounds to sleep with you and I lost all faith that I’d ever find that man.”
“God, Sibyl,” he groaned, his voice full of regret and she felt tears begin to prick the backs of her eyes.
“And all that time and after, I dreamed of Royce. He was Beatrice’s true love, her soulmate, he looked at her as if the world shined through her. I wanted that for me and, in the dreams, I had it. And in the Summer House that afternoon, I saw it in his eyes as he looked at me.”
This time, his whole body froze, as did the hand at the small of her back. Then, she felt it clench into a fist.
Still, she kept speaking. “It was our private moment, his and mine, the only one we’d ever have and, even though he wasn’t kissing me but the memory of Beatrice, it was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever experienced and I was happy to have that fleeting moment than nothing at all. And that’s why I didn’t share it with you, because it was mine… his and mine.”
He stared at her, his face and frame barely controlling some emotion she couldn’t fathom and then he looked away as if he couldn’t bear the sight of her anymore. His arm moved away from her and she felt his awful retreat and the first hint of panic.
And she realised that now was the time, perhaps the only time, and no matter what his response, she had to take it. Anything but have him pull away.
Her voice so low, so quiet, it was hardly even a whisper, she said, “Then I fell in love with you.”
His head snapped back around and she took a fragmented breath and looked him in the eye.
“If you can believe, it was that damned minibus,” she said on a shaky grin. “I watched you dealing with the driver and your… you… it was just magnificent. Maybe it was before then, I know it started before then but it was then when I knew. And everything since clicked into place, piece by piece. I realised after every moment I spent with you, you were the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life, not some long-dead warrior.”