Kiss an Angel(72)

She refused to let him shut her out. “Did you want to keep living in this place the way it was?”

“It was all right.” He reached in the drawer for the corkscrew.

“I don’t believe you. You’re a man who enjoys beautiful things. I’ve seen the way you take in the scenery when we’re traveling or point out something pretty in a store window. Yesterday when we stopped at that roadside stand, you said the basket of fruit reminded you of a Cézanne.”

“Do you want a glass of wine?”

She shook her head, and as she studied him she began to understand. “I’ve stepped over the line again, haven’t I?”

“I don’t know what you mean, by that.”

“That invisible border you’ve set up in your mind between a real marriage and a pretend one. I’ve crossed it again, haven’t I?”

“You’re not making any sense.”

“Sure I am. You’ve made up a whole list of rules and regulations for our pretend marriage. I’m supposed to follow your orders without question and stay out of your way except when you want me in bed with you. But most of all, I’m not supposed to make any emotional attachments. I’m not allowed to care about you, about our marriage, our life together. I’m not even allowed to care about this dumpy little trailer.”

She’d finally gotten to him, and he slapped the flat of his hand down on the counter, shaking the wine bottle. “I don’t want you nesting, that’s all! It’s a bad idea.”

“I was right,” she said quietly.

He shoved his hand back through his hair. “You’re such a damned romantic. Sometimes when I see you looking at me, I have the feeling you’re not seeing me at all. Instead, you’re seeing the way you want me to be. You’re doing the same thing with this—this legal tie between us. You’re going to try to make it into something it’s not.”

“It’s a marriage, Alex, not just a legal tie. We made sacred vows.”

“For six months! Don’t you understand that I care about you? All I’m trying to do is protect you from getting hurt.”

“Protect me? I see.” She took a deep breath. “Is that why you’ve been checking to make certain I’m taking my birth control pills?”

His expression grew stony. “What does that have to do with anything.”

“At first I couldn’t figure out why I’d find them on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet when I’d left them on the bottom. Then I realized that you’d been handling them.”

“I was just making sure you weren’t forgetting them, that’s all.”

“In other words, you’ve been checking up on me.”

“I’m not going to apologize. I told you how strongly I feel about not having children.”

She gazed at him bleakly. “We don’t have anything, do we? No respect, no affection, no trust.”

“We have affection, Daisy. At least I do.” He hesitated. “And you’ve earned my respect, too. I never figured you would take your work so seriously. You’ve got guts, Daisy.”

She refused to feel grateful for his words. “But I don’t have your trust.”

“I trust your good intentions.”

“You also believe I’m a thief. That doesn’t say much for good intentions.”

“You were desperate when you took that money. You were tired and frightened, or you wouldn’t have done it. I know that now.”

“I didn’t take the money.”

“It’s all right, Daisy. I’m not holding it against you any longer.”

The fact that he still didn’t believe her shouldn’t be so painful. The only way she could convince him was to implicate Heather, and now she knew she couldn’t do that. What would be the point? She didn’t want to be responsible for having Heather banished. And if she had to submit proof to Alex, his belief in her innocence would be meaningless anyway.

“If you trust me, why were you checking to make sure I was taking the pills?”

“I can’t take any chances. I don’t want a child.”

“You’ve made that clear.” She wanted to ask him if it was the thought of having a child that was so repugnant to him, or just the thought of having a child with her, but she was afraid of the answer she’d hear. “I don’t want you checking my pills again. I told you I’d take them, and I will. You’re going to have to trust me on this.”

She saw his struggle. Despite the way her mother had betrayed her with Noel Black, she hadn’t lost her faith in the human race. But Alex didn’t seem to trust anyone except himself.

To her surprise, she felt her indignation fade and compassion take its place. How terrible it must be to go through life always expecting the worst from those around you.

She brushed her fingertips over the back of his hand. “I would never deliberately hurt you, Alex. I’d like it very much if you’d at least trust me that far.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“I know. But you need to do it anyway.”

He gazed at her for a long time before he gave a shaky nod. “Okay. No more checking up.”

She somehow knew what this concession had cost him, and she was touched.