Keep Me Safe (Slow Burn #1)(17)

“And that’s precisely what I intend to do,” he said calmly. “You staying in my home ensures your safety. It’s the safest place for you to be. My house likely has more security than Fort Knox.”

He smiled at the end, hoping to lighten the mood and make some of the seemingly permanent sadness in her eyes ease with his exaggeration. Well, except that it was only a slight exaggeration because to a normal person his security measures would be deemed extreme and over-the-top, but he’d be damned if anyone accessed his home or were able to get to his family. Never again.

He was rewarded by a tiny smile and he was fascinated by the dimple that appeared in one cheek. He’d never seen her smile. Even the slight smile transformed her entire face. It brushed away some of the fatigue that seemed permanently etched in her features and she suddenly looked as young as he knew her to be.

But then what had given her cause to smile over the last year and a half? And even before then since she’d been immersing herself in evil since she was sixteen years old. Had she been as somber as a teenager as she was as an adult? It was damn hard to be lighthearted enough to smile when every second of every day she wondered if she would die at any time.

He added that to his growing list of things he vowed to do for Ramie. He wanted to make her smile again. To be able to laugh and take joy in living instead of merely surviving. Life was supposed to be filled with both highs and lows, but hers had been a study in lows with none of the highs to balance it out. Not many people could survive such an existence, but in his limited exposure to her, he’d learned that if nothing else, she was a survivor. Far tougher than she gave herself credit for. A normal person would have crumbled under the pressures she faced years ago. Or they would have simply given up and made it easy for a killer to find them, accepting the inevitability of their death. No matter what Ramie said or even thought, Caleb knew she simply wasn’t capable of giving up.

But then her smile slipped and a troubled look took its place. “I can’t stay with you forever. I can’t hide forever. I won’t live my life like that. Death would be preferable to waking up every morning and wondering if it’s your last sunrise. It’s no way to live.”

Sorrow soaked her every word. Her emotional pain was as evident as if she had a sign plastered to her chest advertising that fact. It made him want to pull her into his arms and hold her. Offer her some measure of comfort. But she seemed extremely wary of being touched and he didn’t want to do anything that made her uncomfortable around him.

But he did want to know if she feared him. It would gut him if she were afraid he would hurt her in any way.

“Ramie, why are you afraid to let me touch you?” he asked gently.

He purposely kept his tone measured and more inquisitive rather than defensive or that he was angry she was afraid of him. God only knew she had sufficient reason to fear men. She’d lived in the minds of the worst the male sex had to offer.

She shrugged one small shoulder. “I don’t like being touched by anyone. It’s just my automatic response to shun contact with others. Because when someone touches me I see their worst secrets. I see and feel the evil in them. Never the good. Only the worst. If I could feel joy, love or even genuine happiness or just something positive then at least that would balance the scales and maybe I could deal more with the darkness that stains people’s souls. But my gift is the worst sort of curse because I’m only capable of knowing the evil people try to hide.”

Caleb’s brow furrowed and an uneasy sensation prickled his nape. “And when I touched you? What did you feel?”

He knew he sounded defensive now, despite his earlier determination that he not sound so, but knowing someone could read things no one else could possibly know about him unsettled him. He didn’t want her having access to his thoughts. He was ruthless when it came to the protection of his family. He was ruthless when it came to business. Both traits could very well damn him in Ramie’s eyes.

“I’m not a mind reader,” she said wearily, as if she had indeed read his thoughts despite her denial. “It’s hard to explain. It’s not that I pick out exact thought patterns. It’s more of a tangible thing that I feel, not know. I see things. Events. Actions. But I don’t actually read people’s thoughts. I sense emotions—negative ones—not good ones. Maybe I could handle it better if I ever got to feel goodness in people. Maybe I wouldn’t be so cynical about human nature and the capacity in us all to be bad or at the very least gray. If it makes you feel any better, or at least not judged by me, I didn’t sense anything evil. Or bad. Just . . . ​determination. And that’s not a bad quality. At least not in my estimation. But then my opinion of you should hardly matter. I’m no one to you and what I think shouldn’t even give you pause.”

Caleb’s lips tightened, because her opinion did matter to him. And maybe it shouldn’t. But it had suddenly become all-important to him that she think him a good man, despite his thoughts. That she would eventually be able to trust him.

“Your gift isn’t infallible then. I’m not a good man, Ramie. In fact I am quite capable of killing and of hurting someone without hesitation if I deem them a threat to someone I love.”

“But don’t you see?” she asked in a soft voice. “Protecting someone from evil isn’t evil itself. It doesn’t make you bad that you want to punish those who truly are a threat to your family. All I sensed from you was unwavering resolve and I didn’t need to be in your head to see that. It’s written all over your face and in your eyes. No one needs to have my gift—or rather curse—to determine how resolved you are.”