Kaleidoscope (Colorado Mountain #6)(84)

But I didn’t believe him.

“Love you, Jacob,” I whispered and he smiled.

That was bleak too.

“Love you too, Emme.”

He gave me another kiss then waited until I climbed into Persephone so he could swing my door shut for me. I smiled at him through the windshield, another fake one, as he thumped his hand palm flat on my hood and moved away from the truck.

I pulled out of his garage and did it with my eyes glued to him. He stood in his garage, tall, strong, pure male beauty, arms crossed on his chest, long, long legs planted.

Mine.

All mine.

Not even one?

Honey.

Just one, Emme.

I’ve never wanted kids, Jacob. That might be weird but it’s true. I just… that’s just not me. It’s never been me.

Long, painful pause then, This is a game changer, Emme.

“Voilà!”

I focused on myself in the mirror and forced yet another f**king smile.

“As usual, Dom, you’ve created a masterpiece,” I told him.

“For every artiste, to do such a thing, he must have the best material at his disposal,” he told me.

Dominic. He was such a cool guy. And right then he was cool because his compliment was genuine and his eyes were kind but concerned. The former made me smile sincerely. The latter just felt nice because he cared.

I paid and tipped huge.

Before I left, I gave Dom a hug at the same time I got a message whispered in my ear, “You ever need to talk, the line between stylist and client is a vague one, darling. Just call the salon and I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

He totally knew I wasn’t all right.

“Thanks, Dom,” I whispered back, knowing I’d never, not in a million years, do that.

And wondering again what was wrong with me that I wouldn’t.

He gave me a squeeze.

I gave him a smile as I left and got in Persephone.

Game changer, Emme.

I shut my eyes tight. Then I forced them open and looked to my purse. My phone was in my purse. Jacob would be in Denver by now. So if I called he wouldn’t be talking while driving.

I reached to the phone but stopped.

The truth was, I didn’t want kids.

I wanted a puppy.

I also, later, wanted a cat.

I wanted my house to be fixed up and I didn’t mind the fact that once it was, I’d be rambling around in it all alone. There’d always be a change of scenery. There’d always be something to do in the garden or somewhere on the property.

I’d never thought on it much, not before I was sick and truly, not even after. But when I did, I knew I wanted a man. A partner. Someone to share my time with. But only because it hit me unexpectedly just how alone I was.

But I’d never thought about kids.

I didn’t lie to Jacob. That just wasn’t me. I was thirty-four years old, had done my own thing and been responsible only to me for a very long time. Fitting a man in my life worked, that man being Jacob, it worked spectacularly. We were good together. We slid into that easily.

You didn’t fit a kid in your life.

A kid became your life.

And kids, plural, consumed it.

But Jacob wanted kids.

And that was just not me.

My eyes again stinging, I lifted my head and looked down the Main Street of Carnal. I’d spent time there more than once since moving to the mountains. They had an awesome coffee shop called La-La Land that not only had great coffees but amazing cakes and treats. They had a cute gift shop with great pottery.

And they had Bubba’s bar.

And Bubba’s was owned by Krystal Briggs and Tate Jackson. So, by extension, it was also owned by Lauren Jackson.

Two members of my girl posse.

Outside of Faye, who I talked to and visited with regularly now that Jacob’s namesake had entered this world and Jacob seemed intent on being little Jake’s first living memory, I had not spent much time with my new girl posse.

I had fielded calls. I’d even made calls. On a lunch hour, I’d popped in for a gab with Zara and to do so shopping at Karma. Jacob and I had run into Max and Nina at The Mark when we went there for dinner and we’d stood at their table and shot the breeze for ten full minutes. And I’d run into Lexie and Ty when they were visiting Chace and Faye after the baby was born at a time when Jacob and I showed to do the same.

All of this was welcome, to me and to them.

But I had not connected in any real way. With the phone calls, the invitation was there.

I just didn’t take them up on it. Too busy.

Always too busy.

What does that say, Emme?

The question hit my brain like a shot and I just as quickly ignored it.

But even ignoring it, I threw open my door, hopped down from Persephone and hoofed it down Main Street.

Destination: Bubba’s.

I walked in and saw that both Krystal and Lauren were there. So was Bubba.

Bubba was at one end of the bar, shooting the shit with a couple of patrons. Lauren was at the other end, talking to an old guy wearing a baseball cap. Krystal was in the middle.

All their eyes came to me.

With smiles and waves to Lauren and Bubba, I made my way to Krystal.

I hiked my ass up on a stool and looked at her. “Hey.”

She looked at me.

Then she declared, “Houston, we have a problem.”