Kaleidoscope (Colorado Mountain #6)(50)

“You weren’t there, honey.”

“You didn’t take a moment, Emme.”

I didn’t have to.

He didn’t know, and with this reaction it was clear I had to find the right time to tell him, and the right words to explain it, that now Harvey was a part of my life. We exchanged emails. I visited him. I’d sought him out because I never forgot him, as I wouldn’t, and he’d touched me in a way that might be twisted, but it didn’t feel that way to me.

He didn’t want me to be a part of his life, not because I hurt him, reminding him of his daughter and what he’d done. But because he was concerned for me.

I changed his mind.

So I’d gotten to know Harvey and why he did what he did. I’d also gotten to know the pain he suffered, the relief he felt at paying for his “crime,” and his depth of feeling that I forgave him. And last, I’d gotten to know the beauty of having him in my life knowing he felt the same having me in his.

Not his daughter. He always knew I wasn’t her.

Me.

No, I didn’t think at this juncture Jacob would get that.

Still, I could remove myself and see why it troubled him.

He was just wrong.

I wasn’t going to tell him that either.

“I get why it troubles you,” I told him.

“Do we need to take you to see somebody?” he asked.

No way.

I’d already sorted most of it out (obviously not all). And I’d done that with Harvey.

“I’m coming to terms with some things on my own,” I shared.

“Emme, a professional—”

I cut him off with, “Let me think about it,” then I moved to change the subject, “Can we talk about what happened at the station now?”

We hadn’t talked about that. That was because, when he and Chace got back, there were women to entertain and men working. Jacob and Chace joined the boys in the attic immediately.

And I wasn’t wrong. It took longer than an hour for the guys to install my insulation, but by midafternoon the entire job was done.

Then Faye suggested we all go eat Mexican food at Rosalinda’s in Chantelle and I decided that was a good idea so I could pay and thus repay the boys for their help.

We went.

Jacob decided he’d pay.

We had words.

Everyone (and that was everyone) thought this was hilarious by the looks they gave us, Bubba cracking up laughing and, last but not least, Deke looking at Jacob, grinning and proclaiming, “Dude, you are so f**ked.”

I quit arguing with Jacob at Deke’s comment but commenced pulling a fast one. I said I needed to powder my nose, then caught the waitress and gave her my credit card.

Jacob lost his mind (mildly).

I ignored this and told him if it made him feel better, he could buy me another margarita.

Krystal nodded to me with approval.

Nina, Lauren, Lexie, Faye and Zara glanced at each other with concern.

Jacob paid for margaritas and beers all around (except Faye had juice).

I could tell Jacob was still irritated in the truck on the way home. So when we got to his house, I turned in the hall just inside from the garage, got up on my toes and gave him a kiss.

He took me right to bed.

He got over his irritation quickly.

Taking us to now.

“I’ll give you that play,” Jacob said, regaining my focus, referring to my change of subject away from Harvey, “ ’cause I’m tired, I just came hard, got two outta you, so I don’t wanna go there, but more, I don’t wanna take you there.”

At least there was that.

Then he took it away.

“But we’re not done talkin’ about this,” he warned.

I looked to his chin, knowing he wouldn’t let me get off the hook about Harvey so easily, and murmured, “I figured.”

“Emme, look at me.”

I looked at him and he got even closer.

“What that guy did was not good, it was not right and not just because it was not legal. It was whacked. He paid, which was right. It concerns me you’ve twisted that in your head to make it seem okay. It wasn’t. None of it was. You were too young to understand but you’re not too young now. It’s good and I’m glad you’re takin’ time to reflect and untwist things, see how that affected you. But, baby, you gotta see that through.”

I agreed because I thought that was my best course of action at that juncture.

“Okay, Jacob.”

“Okay,” he replied.

“The station,” I prompted, and Jacob just stared at me.

Then he said, “Fuck me.”

“What?” I asked.

“Right, backtrackin’ for a minute, I’m lyin’ on top of you, both of us na**d in my bed. I think you get that what we’ve just started is somethin’ I want to build on, even if it took a long time to start and started a little whacked. Seein’ as you’re here, na**d in my bed, I’m readin’ you wanna build on that too. What I need from you is not to be with me and be remote. You’re either with me or you aren’t, and babe, I’m gonna make the effort to keep you with me.”

I didn’t understand what he meant.

“Jacob, I’m with you.”

“You don’t think I know you just agreed then changed the subject so I’ll shut up about something you don’t agree with me about?”