Just To Be With You (The Sullivans #12)(33)

She’d said he was her friend, and since Ian knew it was the only path forward for them that could make sense—that could work long term—he told her, “You threw Chelsea off her game in a way I haven’t seen before. She was threatened by you. It made her angry. But you shouldn’t have had to bear the brunt of it.”

“Like I said, no one hurts one of my friends and gets away with it. But I want you to know that I didn’t believe her, Ian, not a word she said about you.”

“Maybe you should.” After all, hadn’t his ex laid out the truth of what a relationship with him was like? Chelsea had been angry, but she hadn’t lied.

But Tatiana dismissed his warning with a shake of her head, obviously choosing instead to believe that it couldn’t possibly be true. “How could I believe anything she says when I feel like I already know you better after a handful of days than she did in all the time you were married?”

It was crazy for him to feel that, too, but he did. In fact, he knew Tatiana so well already that he could read her mind and know she was hoping they were about to leap from being friends to lovers.

He’d already gone too deep with her, shared too much of himself, but before he pushed her away again, he had to at least explain to her why he was doing it. “I like you, Tatiana. A great deal. And I’m glad we’ve become friends. Which is why I can’t stand the thought of hurting you. Not in any way.”

“Why do you think you’ll hurt me, Ian? Why can’t we just jump and trust that we’ll help each other with the landing?”

“I can’t take any chances with you.” He wanted to touch her again so badly—wanted to feel her skin against his fingertips, her body pressed close to his again—that he made himself take another step away from her. “Especially not with you.”

She stared at him with big green eyes, and he decided to let her take a good long look this time, to let her see what he made sure to hide from everyone else. That she couldn’t want him. Shouldn’t want him.

Because he didn’t have nearly enough to give her.

But instead of flinching or looking away, she said, “I’m not good at holding in what I feel. And I meant what I said yesterday. I did fall for you that first day we met in the vineyard, and I’ve only fallen further as I’ve gotten to know you better.” She sighed. “I’m not a terribly patient person, so the fact that I’m pretty sure you were just about to kiss me, but didn’t, is really bugging me. Not in the least because I’ve been dying to know if it will be as good as I’ve dreamed it will be. But now that you’re telling me, flat out, you just want to be friends, and—” She sighed again, shaking her head. “I wish I knew what to do. About everything.”

He could see how frustrated she was and was equally frustrated that he couldn’t reach out to soothe her without risking a friendly embrace turning into so much more. So instead, he did what always helped him when he was confused. He took things apart piece by piece.

“Call Smith back. And then come with me to the office so that you can keep doing your research for your role.” Soon, hopefully, they’d figure out how to keep their growing attraction at bay. Now that it was out in the open, at least—and he’d made it perfectly clear to her that they couldn’t do anything about it—things had to get easier.

But as he watched her war with herself, a part of him—a really big part that he wasn’t proud of—was praying she’d ignore everything he’d just said and kiss him anyway.

Finally, though, she nodded. “There’s just one question I need to ask first before we go ahead as if nothing has changed between us, even though we both know it has.”

He braced for her question. “Go ahead.”

“Do you really think one teeny-tiny little kiss would be that big a deal?”

“With you,” he said, as serious as he’d ever been in his life, “I’m certain that no kiss could ever be teeny. Or tiny. Or little.”

“A hug then. Now that we’ve cleared the air from yesterday, I think we should at least be able to give each other a friendly hug.”

Even that was a bad idea, Ian knew, but before he could make that clear, her arms were already coming around his neck.

She was so much smaller than he, but they still fit together perfectly, her soft curves against his muscles, taut with the effort it was taking not to lift her up on the kitchen counter and wrap her legs around his waist so that he could devour her.

He could feel her breath warm against his neck, her long eyelashes brushing his skin as she closed her eyes, then opened them again. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, fast and hard, as they stood in the circle of each other’s arms for what was one of the most precious, extraordinary moments of his life so far.

Ian never wanted to let her go, didn’t know if he’d ever find the strength to do it, but he also knew he needed to shatter the moment before it spun off into another even more heady one.

“My driver is waiting outside. You can call Smith on the way to the office. That is, if you still want to come with me.”

When she finally drew back, cool air rushed in where her curves had been warming him. “I do. Of course I do.”

Her words were slightly breathless, and knowing why, knowing that he aroused her that much with only a hug, did crazy things to him. Especially when he couldn’t help but wonder just how aroused she would become if he kissed every inch of her, then followed up his kisses with caresses.