Just One of the Guys(94)

The couch cushions are in disarray, one of them lying partly on us, the others askew. The coffee table is on its side, and I can see a few broken shards of glass. I’m going to have a bruise on my hip, and I’m fairly sure I’ve left some gouge marks on Trevor’s back.

I want to stay in that moment of rightness, but reality is knocking. A prickle of guilt pierces the fog of perfection, but I can’t bear to let it in completely.

“Trev?” I breathe.

“Yeah.” He lifts his head and looks at me, his face serious, cheeks flushed. Then he takes a deep breath and gets up. “Do you need a drink?” he asks, pulling on his jeans. Without waiting for an answer, he goes into the kitchen.

It’s not a good sign. I put my hand to my lips, which still feel swollen and hot. I lay there for another minute, then scramble up, reaching for my shirt, my underwear, my shorts. My socks are still on. I dress hastily, glancing into the kitchen where Trevor stands in front of the sink, his hands braced on either side, the water running. The muscles in his broad shoulders are bunched and tense, and his head is hanging. He doesn’t fill a glass, doesn’t turn off the water. He just stands there, motionless, and I can feel the regret pouring off him in waves.

Say something, Trevor, I plead silently. Make this be okay. I want him to come to me, wrap me in his arms, tell me that this wasn’t a mistake. He does nothing, just stands there watching the water run.

Though I want to go to him, reassure him, touch him, I don’t dare. Not when he can’t even look at me.

Then I’m distracted by a sudden buzzing at my feet. I look down. Trevor’s cell phone, which apparently fell during our acrobatics, is vibrating on the rug. I glance again at Trevor’s tense shoulders, then reach down and look at the screen.

Incoming call from Hayden.

I drop it back on the carpet and kick it under the couch. Trevor will have to find it later, won’t he? He’ll have to search all over and wonder, What the heck did I do with my phone? Where could it be?

He’s still staring at the water.

I have two choices here. Leave with dignity or give it all I have. And you know what? Screw dignity.

“Hey, Trev?” I say gently. “Maybe you could come in here?”

He turns his head and nods once. Then he reaches for two glasses and fills them, finally deigning to return to the living room. He sets the glasses on the table, picks up the pieces of the glass that broke, then reaches for his shirt. He can’t button it, though, since I’d ripped the thing off. Then he straightens the couch cushions and sits down.

“Chastity,” he begins, finally meeting my eyes. My stomach plummets at what I see there.

“If this is the ‘we shouldn’t have done this’ speech, can I just say something first?” I ask. My voice is rough, even a little scared.

“You’re seeing someone,” he says quietly.

I look down. Of course he’s right. I, who practically beat my brother Mark to a pulp when he cheated on Elaina, have just cheated on my own boyfriend. Shame burns my face. I sit in the chair adjacent to Trevor and swallow. “I know,” I whisper.

“And so am I,” he says.

Crap. I take a deep breath. “Trevor, you must know that I’ve always lov—”

“Don’t, Chas,” Trevor says, staring at his knees.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t say it, and don’t break up with Ryan.”

I don’t think there’s anything else he could say that would hurt worse than that. My mouth opens, but no sound comes out. He looks up at me.

“I don’t want to be the reason things don’t work.” His eyes are intensely dark now, dead serious. “He’s a good guy, Chas. He can give you a lot that I never could. And he loves you.” He reaches over and takes my limp hand.

I’m not stupid. He loves you…and I don’t. No translation needed. My head hurts. My heart hurts, too. It actually hurts like there’s a bleeping ice pick stuck through it. I yank my hand back so hard that my elbow hits the arm of the chair with a thud. “So, okay, Trev,” I say, trying not to cry. “So we’re just going to, what, sleep together every decade or so, and I’ll be all messed up for another ten years and you’ll pretend to be my big brother?” My voice grows louder. “Huh? Is that how it’s going to go?”

“No, Chastity,” he says. “This won’t happen again. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. It shouldn’t have happened at all. You know it as well as I do.”

I lurch out of my chair. “It seems that I don’t know anything, Trevor, or else I wouldn’t have just shagged you senseless, now would I?”

“Chastity—” He stands, as well, holding his hands up to placate me, and I feel the strong urge to sock him a good one. “Chas, you—” He lets his hands drop and shakes his head.

“No, go ahead, Trevor. Say it.” I point a shaking finger at him. “If we were together and didn’t work, you’d be out your precious surrogate family. You’re afraid of losing them. At least admit that, Trevor. My family means more to you than I do.”

Trevor’s face changes. He takes a step closer to me. For the first time in my life, I see that he’s angry. Furious, maybe. “Wrong,” he growls in a voice I’ve never heard. “Very, very wrong, Chastity. If we were together and didn’t work, I’d be out you. You’re the one I can’t lose.”