Just After Sunset(110)

Curtis did not want to try it. He did not feel lucky. The truth was belated but obvious: he had been cozened out here by a complete barking lunatic.

"What do you want? I'll give you what you want." Curtis swallowed. There was an insectile click in his throat. "Do you want me to call off the suit about Betsy?"

"Don't call her Betsy," The Motherf*cker said. He had the gun-the Hardballer, what a grotesque name-pointed at Curtis's face, and now the hole looked very big indeed. Curtis realized he would probably be dead before he heard the gun's report, although he might see flame-or the beginning of flame-spurt from the barrel. He also realized that he was perilously close to pissing himself. "Call her 'my ass-faced ragbag bitch.'"

"My ass-faced ragbag bitch," Curtis repeated at once, and didn't feel the slightest twinge of disloyalty to Betsy's memory.

"Now say, 'And how I loved to lick her smelly cunt,'" The Motherf*cker further instructed.

Curtis was silent. He was relieved to discover there were still limits. Besides, if he said that, The Motherf*cker would only want him to say something else.

Grunwald did not seem particularly disappointed. He waggled the gun. "Just joking about that one, anyway."

Curtis was silent. Part of his mind was roaring with panic and confusion, but another part seemed clearer than it had been since Betsy died. Maybe clearer than it had been in years. That part was musing on the fact that he really could die out here.

He thought, What if I never get to eat another slice of bread?, and for a moment his mind united-the confused part and the clear part-in a desire to live so strong it was terrible.

"What do you want, Grunwald?"

"For you to get into one of those Port-O-Sans. The one on the end." He waggled the gun again, this time to the left.

Curtis turned to look, feeling a small thread of hope. If Grunwald intended to lock him up...that was good, right? Maybe now that he'd scared Curtis and blown off a little steam, Grunwald intended to stash him and make his getaway. Or maybe he'll go home and shoot himself, Curtis thought. Take that old.45 Hardballer cancer cure. A well-known folk remedy.

He said, "All right. I can do that."

"But first I want you to empty your pockets. Dump them right out on the ground."

Curtis pulled out his wallet, then, reluctantly, his cell phone. A little sheaf of bills in a money clip. His dandruff-flecked comb.

"That it?"

"Yes."

"Turn those pocketses inside out, Precious. I want to see for myself."

Curtis turned out his left front pocket, then his right. A few coins and the key to his motor scooter fell to the ground, where they glittered in the hazy sun.

"Good," Grunwald said. "Now the back ones."

Curtis turned out his rear pockets. There was an old shopping list jotted on a scrap of paper. Nothing else.

Grunwald said, "Kick your cell phone over here."

Curtis tried, and missed completely.

"You ass**le," Grunwald said, and laughed. The laugh ended in that same choking, sobbing sound, and for the first time in his life, Curtis completely understood murder. The clear part of his mind registered this as a wonderful thing, because murder-previously inconceivable to him-turned out to be as simple as reducing fractions.

"Hurry the f**k up," Grunwald said. "I want to go home and get in the hot tub. Forget the painkillers, that hot tub is the only thing that works. I'd live in that baby if I could." But he did not look particularly anxious to be gone. His eyes were sparkling.

Curtis kicked at the phone again and this time connected, sending it skittering all the way to Grunwald's feet.

"He shoots, he scores!" The Motherf*cker cried. He dropped to one knee, picked up the Nokia (never taking the gun off Curtis), then straightened up with a small, effortful grunt. He slipped Curtis's phone into the right pocket of his pants. He pointed the muzzle of the gun briefly at the litter lying on the road. "Now pick up the rest of your crap and put it back in your pockets. Get all the change. Who knows, you might find a snack machine in there."

Curtis did it silently, again feeling a little pang as he looked at the attachment on the Vespa's keyring. Some things didn't change even in extremis, it seemed.

"You forgot your shopping list, Fucko. You don't want to forget that. Everything back in your pockets. As for your phone, I'm going to put that back on its little charger in your little housie. After I delete the message I left you, that is."

Curtis picked up the scrap of paper-OJ, Rolaids, pce of fish, Eng muffins, it said-and stuffed it back into one of his rear pockets. "You can't do that," he said.

The Motherf*cker raised his bushy old-man eyebrows. "Want to share?"

"The house alarm's set." Curtis couldn't remember if he had set it or not. "Also, Mrs. Wilson will be there by the time you get back to Turtle."

Grunwald gave him an indulgent look. The fact that it was mad indulgence made it terrifying instead of just infuriating. "It's Thursday, neighbor. Your housekeeper only comes in during the afternoons on Thursdays and Fridays. Did you think I wasn't keeping an eye on you? Just like you've been keeping one on me?"

"I don't-"

"Oh, I see you, peeking from behind your favorite palm tree on the road-did you think I didn't?-but you never saw me, did you? Because you're lazy. And lazy people are blind people. Lazy people get what they deserve." His voice lowered confidentially. "All g*y people are lazy; it's been scientifically proven. The g*y lobby tries to cover it up, but you can find the studies on the Internet."