Jaden (Jaded #3)(79)

I started to let Bryce go.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Corrigan held me that night. I slept half the night and the other half was spent just lying there in his arms. It felt nice. It felt healing, but when morning came, I knew it would take a while. He knew it too. When he got up and made coffee right away, I could feel his concern, but he kept quiet. When I wasn’t looking, I could feel his eyes on me. The fact that he was biting his tongue spoke volumes. At one point, I let out a haggard sigh and leaned against the wall, bending over with my head over my knees. Then I just breathed in and out. I closed my eyes and stopped everything for a moment.

He moved into the room from the bedroom. In a gentle voice, he asked, “Sheldon?”

I didn’t open my eyes. “I’m good. I just . . .” I just need this hole in my chest to close back up, “a minute. I need a minute.” Mena would be coming soon. She had texted thirty minutes ago that they were on their way to the hotel. Carolina had messaged a few minutes later that she’d be coming in an hour. She had a sorority meeting first.

Outsiders were coming. I had to put on a game face. No one saw me vulnerable except Corrigan and Br— just Corrigan now.

A deep sense of mourning rolled through me like one giant riptide.

“Hey.” Corrigan came to stand right next to me.

I tensed. He was going to touch me, try to comfort me, and the injustice of that tore at me. It wasn’t fair. The man I loved shouldn’t have to console the woman he loves over the previous guy. And with that thought, I stuffed it down and I looked up. Straightening my back, I nodded at him. “I’m good.”

He gave me a half-grin. He had bags under his eyes, too. “Liar.”

“Let me pretend.” I grinned back, but like him, I could only form a half one. It wasn’t in me to force a full smile.

His hand lifted and touched the side of my face, his finger resting near the corner of my eye. He murmured, studying me, “You don’t have to. Not with me.”

I started to say something, but paused. We hadn’t talked about him and me, our new relationship status. I bit down on my lip. Was I ready for that conversation now? Right before Mena got here and Corrigan went to check on Bryce with Denton?

“Sheldon.” He moved to stand in front of me, and he held both sides of my face. “Stop worrying. I get it. I do. Your job is to grieve and then heal. Grieve Grace. Grieve what happened to you. Grieve Bryce. I’m not a douche bag. I get what happened. You chose. I do. I’m the guy. I got the girl, but you lost a family member. It won’t be the same. You have to mourn him. I will be here. I’ll always be here, waiting for you, picking you up, carrying you, holding you. I’m here. No matter how long it takes.”

My hands lifted and rested on top of his, holding him as he held me. I wanted to melt down and curse at the same time. “Goddamn. Why do you have to be this guy?”

He laughed, his lip lifting upward. “What guy?”

“The guy.” I gestured to him, from top to bottom. “You’re understanding. You’re considerate. You’re strong. You’re a f*cking badass, too. You’re that guy.”

He pretended to groan, still grinning. “The annoying guy.”

I smirked. “Hell yes. The annoying guy because he’s so perfect. That guy.”

Laughing softly again, he leaned forward and rested his forehead on mine. Then he whispered, taking both my hands in his and holding them between us. He whispered to me then, “Don’t you know?”

“Know what?”

“I have to be that guy.” A cocky smirk came over him. “What other type of guy could handle you?”

“Oh.” I grinned and pretended to punch him in the chest. “Now you’re the smart-ass guy, huh?”

“I’ve always been the smart-ass guy,” he softened his tone and pressed his lips to mine, achingly tender. “But I’m the other guy too, the guy that loves you back.”

There it was.

We hadn’t talked about it, not really.

“That’s not fair,” I said.

“What’s not?” He lifted his head and leaned back an inch.

“That. What I said whenever I said it.”

He chuckled. “You said it quite a few times and you said it first when you woke up in the ambulance.”

“I was in an ambulance?”

He nodded. “You were. I was with you.”

“And Bryce?”

“He was, too.”

Oh . . . my chest tightened. “I wish I hadn’t said it.”

A frown flickered over his face.

“Not because I don’t mean it. I wished I hadn’t said it then, when he was there and when I can’t remember it.” Okay. Cue my girly moment. Three. Two. One . . . “I wanted to say it when all of this was dealt with. I wanted to hear it back from you. And, I know it’s really dumb of me, but I wanted to say it so I could see your face. You know, the face someone makes right after they hear those words.” I shrugged, feeling an uncomfortable lump forming in my throat. “It would’ve been the first time we said it to each other. You know?”

He let out a ragged laugh, and pressed his forehead against mine again. He was breathing hard. “Yeah. I know. I know.”

Then we heard the door’s buzzer.