It Must Be Your Love (The Sullivans #11)(29)

“How?”

But he knew how, didn’t he? Because when she’d given him an opening to change in the tower house on Friday morning, he hadn’t taken it. And when she sighed this time, he sensed that she’d let down most of her walls. She didn’t seem to be particularly angry with him anymore, and the sarcasm was gone now, too.

But disappointment remained.

Unfortunately, he knew from personal experience with his parents that disappointment wasn’t a step up from angry. It was a wound that went so much deeper.

“So many of my cousins have fallen in love this year,” she told him. “My brother Rafe, too. I’ve only watched from the sidelines, but something I’ve seen over and over again with each of them is that they trust each other. With everything, especially the parts of themselves that they’ve never been brave enough to share with anyone else. I know you and I were young, and I’m not saying you weren’t in a crazy position with your career and personal life all zooming up in the same moment, but even though you said you loved me, you never shared any more of yourself with me than you did with your fans every night from the stage.”

He knew it hadn’t been any easier for her to say all of this to him than it was for him to hear it. “If you’ll give me another chance, Mia, I promise I won’t screw up this time.”

“I—” Her eyes were big and clearly conflicted, but then he watched them fill with a sad determination. “I’m sorry, Ford. I think it’s great that we’ve finally cleared the past. And I want you to know that I forgive you for everything that happened five years ago, even for the way you blindsided me at the tower house on Friday, and then again today during the ceremony. But it’s time for me to move on with my life.” She paused and looked him directly in the eye. “Without you.”

Chapter Thirteen

Mia was halfway to the door when Ford reached out and slid an arm around her waist to stop her. The blood was pumping in his veins at the thought of opening himself up to her. It would be easier to continue to keep his feelings about his family hidden.

Easy...and empty.

Five years ago, she’d given him everything—not just her body, but her heart and soul, too. But he’d been too scared shitless to do the same. He needed to find a way to fight that fear now.

Or he’d lose her.

“The reason I hate the name Rutherford is because my parents gave it to me.”

He felt her shock at his sudden statement, and the way he’d just made his feelings about his parents perfectly clear to her in one simple sentence. That shock was what held her where she was in his arms a few seconds longer, her back to his front.

“Rutherford is the son they’d planned to have. Blue blood. Privileged. Top of the class in French. English literature. Polo. Lacrosse. Rutherford was supposed to attend an Ivy League school, graduate with top honors, then proceed to acquire a law degree.”

He’d never said this much to anyone else about his parents. Journalists had probed like crazy over the years, but he’d never given them so much as a sound bite. But there was a big difference between telling his story to Rolling Stone and finally sharing it with the woman he loved. So even though each word felt like gravel in his throat, and every instinct in him said he should stop and protect himself the way he always had, Ford knew he only had this one chance to prove to Mia that he could change for her...and that he could now give her what he’d been unable to give her before.

“I remember everything you said to me about how close you are to your family, and I just saw what love means to the Sullivans. It means everything. And that’s obviously what Marcus and Nicola are going to give each other. Absolutely everything, nothing held back, not out of pride or any other reason.” His hand shook where it lay across Mia’s stomach. He needed her now to hold on to and was glad that she hadn’t yet tried to move away from him. “Rutherford never had a chance in hell of finding love. Not with his parents, and not with anyone else. I wasn’t even ten when I figured out that all that kid was ever going to have was money and status and ice-cold emptiness. That’s when I became Ford...and I vowed to never, ever let myself turn back into the machine my parents had tried to create with nannies and tutors and endless lists of what was and was not appropriate.”

Finally, Mia turned to face him, and he wasn’t sure she realized she was still in his arms as she asked, “Do you honestly believe they’re not impressed with you? You’re one of the biggest rock stars in the world, and it didn’t happen because you’re part of some industry machine. It’s because of how good you are at what you do.”

She was so beautiful and so earnest in her belief that any parent would be proud of him, that he was sorely tempted to kiss her. But now that it looked like he’d finally made some headway, he knew better than to blow it with an unwanted kiss.

“My career is inconsequential at best, a total embarrassment at worst. The sons of my parents’ contemporaries are stockbrokers and gallery owners and run charities.”

“But you give away a fortune every year, probably to those very charities.”

He raised an eyebrow at her admission that she knew something about his life.

“I’d have to be deaf and blind not to hear and read the news, but I just don’t see how your parents could miss the fact that they have a truly remarkable son.” She rolled her eyes as she belatedly realized what she’d said. “I mean that from a career achievement point of view, of course. Because even when I hated you, I couldn’t quite bring myself to hate your songs.”