Iron Kissed (Mercy Thompson #3)(84)

Without glancing in my direction, Adam came in and shut the door with awful precision that was a strong indication of how close he was to losing control - if the way the brass doorknob deformed in his hand hadn't already been a clue.

As Adam walked to the middle of the room, I sank on the bed, not so much lying down as gathering my feet underneath me in preparation for running.

Ben didn't seem to notice how much trouble he was in. Or maybe he didn't care. "How much do you want her?" Unable to meet Adam's hot glare, he turned and stared out the window. "Do you want her enough to put aside your worries and hurt?"

There was something in Ben's voice...Adam heard it, too. He didn't exactly cool down, but he was paying attention. A different Alpha, one less sure of himself, would have already put Ben in his place.

Ben hadn't paused as he continued to talk in a quick, nervous voice. "If you handle this right, tomorrow, next week...she's probably going to be all pissy by then about how you forced her to drink that fairy shit. She'll take off a door from that old car out there - that old car that makes sure you always think about her even when you're cursing at her for spoiling your view." He looked at me and I dropped my ears. Adam's eyes weren't the only ones that had gone wolf. Before I could back away from him, Ben turned his attention to Adam.

As if they were equals, Ben took two steps forward and I saw that he was actually taller than Adam. "An hour and a half ago she was still puking that fairy shit that you and Mr. Wonderful poured down her throat. You heard Nemane. She said it would be a while before the effects wore off completely. And you are still holding her responsible for what she does."

Adam growled, but I could tell he was trying to hold on to his control and listen. After a moment he asked, "What do you mean?" in a fairly civilized voice.

"You're treating her like a rational being and she's still off in Fairyland." Ben was breathing hard and that stink of fear was growing - making it more difficult for Adam to control himself. But that didn't slow Ben down. "Do you love her?"

"Yes." There was no hesitation in his voice. None at all. And yet he'd seen...he must not have seen, must not have realized...

"Then put aside your goddamned self-loathing and look at her."

Golden eyes settled on me, and unable to meet Adam's gaze, I turned my own eyes to the wall as my stomach twisted uneasily.

"She's afraid of me."

"That stupid bitch has never had the brains to be afraid of you, me, or anyone else," Ben snapped with more force than truth. "Forget yourself and take another f**king look. You're supposed to be able to read body posture."

I didn't see it, but I heard Adam quit breathing for a moment.

"Damn," he said in an arrested voice.

"She crawled," Ben said. There were tears in his voice. That was wrong. Ben barely even tolerated me on the best of days. "She crawled to the bathroom to clean herself again. If it weren't for the two subs in the pack, I'd be on the bottom. And she wouldn't stand up in my presence for guilt."

Unable to take the scrutiny anymore, I slunk off the bed entirely and hid between the wall and the mattress.

"No, wait. Leave her alone for a minute and listen to me. She's safe enough there."

"I'm listening." All that anger had been swallowed until the only emotion I could smell in the room was Ben's.

"A rape victim...a rape victim who fights...They've been violated, made helpless and afraid. It breaks their confidence in the safety of their little world. It makes them afraid." Terror and anger and something else pushed Ben until he paced all the way to the bathroom and then back to the bed in quick, frantic steps.

"All right," agreed Adam in a gentle voice, as if he understood something I'd missed. Not surprising. After Ben pointed it out, I realized that I wasn't exactly firing on all four cylinders.

"If - if you don't fight. If the ra**st is someone you're supposed to obey so you can't fight or don't think you can fight or they've drugged you so you..." Ben stuttered to a halt and then swore. "I'm making a muddle of this."

"I understand." Adam's voice was a caress.

"Fine then." Ben stopped pacing. "Fine. If you don't fight, it's not quite the same. If they make you help, make you cooperate, then it's not clear to you anymore. Is it rape? You feel dirty, violated, and guilty. Most of all guilty because you should have fought. Especially if you're Mercy and you fight everything." Ben's breathing was rough, his voice pleading. "You've got to see it from her point of view."

I crawled all the way under the bed until, still hidden in a fall of blankets, I could see their faces.

"Tell me."

"Samuel told you...told us that she'd flirted with that one. She hadn't meant to, but you don't always see it until it happens. Right?"

"Right," Adam agreed.

"Samuel said he told her that she better not do that in front of you."

He waited for Adam's nod to continue. "But she needs to help her friend and that means going to this man's house. It's all right, though, because there will be a lot of other people and she won't flirt because she knows that it's a danger. And she doesn't flirt. She behaves just like an interested guest - which is going to piss him off at her."