Into the Darkness (Darkness #1)(2)

It wasn’t funny.

What it was, however, was an example of the kinds of things I had religiously tried to keep from people. This was a secret box item, and I had long since learned my lesson on that subject. A “humor me” psych evaluation at the request of my foster parents put a pretty fine point on it. I’d only been ten years old at the time. I’d had to get street savvy really quickly after that—they’d never adopted me, they could give me back. And would give me back if I showed signs of mental instability.

This recent episode meant I had to put a little more distance between Jared and I, which sucked because I’d already managed to wedge a hefty amount of space between us as it was. I wanted to get closer and fully trust him, sharing a deeper level of intimacy; but shortly after we’d first gotten intimate, I’d explained about the strange things I saw in the shadows. I’d told him an item or two that I kept in my secret box. He’d responded by worriedly asking if I had a counselor. When he learned I didn’t, he tried to set one up. He only meant well, but if I didn’t want to end up in a place with twenty-four hour surveillance, I had to zip the lip. Even with him.

“Sasha?”

“Ta da!” I threw some jazz hands Jared’s way.

“God, you’re weird.” He grabbed my jacket and waited for me to gulp down the rest of my coffee.

“I know you are, but what am I?” I smiled up at Jared’s shaking head, angling my face up for a kiss. “Good one, right? When’s the last time you heard that one?”

“Don’t know. When’s the last time you said it?” He gave me a quick peck and directed me toward the door.

“Touché, my good man. Touché.”

Two hours later my eyes were crossed and my head hurt. Why the hell was calculus important, anyway? How was I possibly going to need this in my everyday life? I should’ve taken statistics for the math credits. Although, same question applied, and that teacher was a huge jerk, so…

“Give up?” Jared leaned back with a sigh, easy breezy. What the heck a smart guy was doing with a dummy like me was anyone’s guess.

Zip the lip.

“Where was I when the man behind the curtain was giving out brains?” I closed my book and tossed it on the floor. The dull thunk was strangely gratifying.

“You hadn’t left the wildness clinic yet. Let’s remember who talked me into skydiving.”

“Not my fault that you don’t know how to live.” I threw my pencil at my backpack. “I don’t think I can absorb anymore. My brain hurts.”

“We could always…take your mind off of things…” Jared rubbed my back, his shy and subtle way of hinting that he wanted to have a little nookie. It was so cute.

Giggling, because I was always down for a little na**d fun, I stretched for his zipper. Embarrassed but excited, Jared put his hands to his sides on the bed and braced himself, wanting me to take the lead. His breath hitched as I tugged at his zipper. His eyes hooded.

Reaching in with a wicked grin I captured my prize. I met his lips as I slid my palm against him, steel encased in luxury velvet. His kiss tasted like coffee and spearmint, his tongue shy and reserved.

I backed off seductively—I tried for seduction, anyway—and slowly bent. He sucked in a huge breath as I took him in my mouth. I loved his uncontrolled moan as the sensations overwhelmed him. It was in this moment that I felt sexy and masterful, taking him beyond his reasonable mind to a place that was raw and wild. I wished we could stay here, two first-timers pushing our boundaries together.

Except he was a younger guy and couldn’t really hold back, and I was a younger girl and needed a little finesse. Troubled times.

Speaking of time, I didn’t have much of it. I worked at my shirt while keeping up the suction. I’d just gotten the last button undone, ready to rip the thing off and get in position quickly, when—

“Ohhhhhhhh God!”

I gagged. I couldn’t help it.

“Hmmm, sorry baby.” Jared smiled in relaxation as he sighed in relief, then tucked himself away and fell back against his pillows. “You’re just so good at that. Are you sure you aren’t practicing sex in class or something?”

“Sex classes a la Jared, yeah.” I cleaned myself up as his lids got heavy. My body, hot and tingling, begged me to continue our forays. “Is that… Are we…um…done?”

He laughed with a deep sigh. “I think I’m just going to take a quick nap, if that’s okay?”

“Oh. Yeah, totally. Definitely.” I bobbed my head, feeling a little awkward with my shirt hanging open. I stared down at him as I buttoned up, feeling a tiny smile bud at his absolute contentment.

I was lucky to have him. Peaceful and easygoing, he always took my slips in sanity with a laissez-faire attitude. I wished I could fully open up to him like I wanted to. He was my first, damn it—having met him my sophomore year in high school, he was my first kiss, first real relationship, first sexual partner, and first meaningful friend. And he was kind of my everything these days.

A familiar pallor washed over me as I thought about keeping the closest person in my life at an arm’s reach. That I had to continue on in a weird half-life, in which I kept all the important things hidden behind a veil of secrecy. Saying I was alone was like calling the surface of the sun warm. Saying I was lonely…well, I couldn’t seem to find a way to fill the void my childhood had created. I’d lost my parents and brother young, the sole survivor in a freak, five car pileup. Everyone had died. Every single person. Killed on impact, or shortly thereafter in a bright blaze seen for miles. I’d been found in a nearby park with a bad gash to the head, small burns on my legs, and severely in shock. To this day, no one has been able to explain it.