In the Dark (The Rules #2)(21)

She shakes her head so hard, her hair brushing against my face. “No. I don’t know. This sort of thing…” Her voice drifts and she inhales sharply. “I don’t really do it.”

I frown, not quite getting what she means. “You don’t really do what?”

“This.” Lucy turns to face me, dropping her arms from around her waist but waving a hand between us. I let go of her shoulders. “This boy/girl thing we have going on.”

Okay. What the hell? Is she trying to say what, she was a lesbian before she met me, or something? Not that I would think less of her. I’d actually find that kind of hot, which means I’m a dumbass guy who thinks girl on girl action is a major turn on. So sue me. “I’m not quite getting you.”

She makes this little frustrated noise that I find incredibly sexy. Pretty much everything she does is sexy. “I’ve never…you know.” Another wave of the hand between us, her fingers coming perilously close to my dick. “With a guy.”

Wait a minute. “You’ve never kissed a guy?”

“Of course, I’ve kissed a guy.” She rolls her eyes. “Lots of times I’ll have you know.”

Okay.

“But I’ve never um.” She bites her lip, glances around, like she doesn’t want to meet my gaze. “I’ve never had, you know.”

Unease creeps over me. I think I know where this is leading. And if she says what I think she’s going to say, I have no choice but to walk away.

Right?

“You’ve never had…what?” I say each word nice and slow, wanting to make sure I get her meaning.

“Sex.”

The slightly horrified look on his handsome face is nothing short of amusing. Not that I’m laughing. I shouldn’t be laughing. Nothing about this is funny. Not really. I just confessed the biggest secret ever, one that is all sorts of humiliating.

But the first giggle slips out and it’s like I have no control. Another one escapes. Then another. Until I’ve got a major case of the nervous giggles while Gabe stands there looking at me with that scared, incredulous expression.

“Luce,” he finally says, sounding as dazed as he looks. “Are you serious?”

The tone of his voice stops the giggles. “Um.” I stand up straight. Look him right in the eye. “Yes?”

He frowns. “You said it like a question. I think you’d know for sure if you were a virgin or not.”

Ugh. He tosses the word out so casually, like it’s no big deal when it’s a tremendous deal. A crazy, unbelievable thing because my God, I’m twenty-one years old. I shouldn’t be a virgin. I’m a grown woman. An adult.

A grown, adult woman who’s never had sex.

“I’m definitely a virgin,” I say with a wince. I hate saying that word. There’s so much behind it. A stigma, a brand, a label.

The way Gabe’s backing away from me, his hands raised in front of him as if in surrender, I know it’s a done deal. As in, he’s done.

With me.

The pain that radiates from within is nothing short of breathtaking, and not in a good way.

“I, uh.” He stumbles over his own feet and I almost will him to fall on his ass. I’m evil. Seriously. “Yeah. I don’t know if I can deal with that, Lucy.”

He even used the word deal, like he can read my mind. I sigh wearily. “Deal with what?”

“Deal with your—virgin status. I know, I sound like an * but bear with me. I mean, you’ve been holding out for a long time, right?” He comes to a stop, staring at me with wide eyes. Poor guy looks stunned, not that I feel sorry for him. “That means you value it, value your body and that’s cool. I get it. Well, I don’t know what that’s like but I think I understand. You probably want to fall in love with a nice guy and give it up to him then, am I right?”

I don’t answer him because he speaks the truth. That was always the plan. Well, that and my overwhelming fear of allowing a boy to use my body for sex, only for him to leave me in the dust after he impregnated me.

Yes, Mama’s past left a big impression on my choices.

“I’m not your nice guy,” he continues, his voice low as he tears his gaze away from mine. Like he’s embarrassed to make such an admission. At least he’s honest. “I’m not the sensitive man who’ll value your virginity and offer up my love in exchange for it. If I had my way, you’d be naked on that couch right now and I’d be buried deep inside you.”

Oh. Well. Nothing like brutal honesty to leave a delicious ache deep inside me. I’m literally throbbing between my legs at the image his words conjure up.

He runs his hand along his jaw as he contemplates me, his gaze hot. Heavy. I want to squirm where I stand but I remain rooted in place, lifting my chin to return his stare. I’m not going to be ashamed of my confession. Yes, I’m an anomaly. But it’s not like I’m a total freak. He’s just going to have to deal with it.

And if he deals with it by walking, then he wasn’t the guy for me after all.

“But I’m not going to f*ck you and leave you,” he finishes, his voice harsh. Definitely not full of any promises either. The man is nothing short of honest. “That’s all this would’ve been between us. A fun, summer fling. That’s all I can offer.” He spreads his arms out, as if offering himself to me. “That’s all I’ve got.”