In Your Dreams (Blue Heron #4)(126)

Once again, Jack bent his head and gripped the cold metal bar of the bed hard.

And then Gloria Deiner came to his side of the bed and put her hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You should go now,” she said.

Jack nodded. He stood up, then kissed Josh on the forehead. He turned and hugged the boy’s mother, felt her sob against him. Tears sliced down his face again. “I’m so sorry,” he said once more.

“I know,” she whispered. “Me, too.”

CHAPTER THIRTY

ON AN OBSCENELY sunny day in the last week of winter, when it seemed impossible that the birds could be singing and the sky so pure and blue, Josh Deiner was buried.

The whole town turned out for his funeral. Em was on traffic duty and led the procession to the cemetery. She parked the cruiser outside the gates, leaving the lights flashing, and got out. Right behind her was the funeral home limo, and as Mr. and Mrs. Deiner got out, Em swallowed hard. Mr. Deiner was bent by the weight of his grief, bowed like an old tree that would fall in the next storm, and Gloria looked right through Em without a flicker of recognition, her face tight, lips trembling.

Em’s chest ached with suppressed sobs.

The entire senior class was there, each kid holding a white rose. Alyssa Pierson walked past, flanked by her parents, tears streaming down her face. Mr. Pierson nodded to Em, and Em murmured a hello. Mrs. Pierson had called Em to tell her Alyssa was doing better, and, indeed, the girl looked less unkempt. Devastated, of course. Everyone was, because though Josh wasn’t the best kid, it was an unavoidable, wrenching truth—today, two parents were burying their only child. Josh would never get to be more than a reckless kid who broke his parents’ hearts, ruined their lives, leaving a legacy of “don’t be like me.”

Emmaline lifted her sunglasses and wiped her eyes.

There were the Hollands, and her heart ached even more.

Jack’s blond hair shone in the sunlight. He wore sunglasses and a suit, easy to spot, since he was taller than most. Did the Deiners know he was here? Please, God, there wouldn’t be another scene like the one at the hospital, when Mrs. Deiner had screamed at him. He was too far away for Em to tell if he had that awful haunted look in his eyes that she’d seen so many times these past couple of months. This funeral must be agonizing for him.

Levi stood next to him, maybe as a guard, handsome and solemn in his dress uniform. He said something, eliciting a nod from Jack. Faith was right there, as well, recognizable by her red hair and enormous belly, and she put her hand on her brother’s arm. Any day now for her, and it was good, a new baby in that family. Something for Jack to smile about, because that smile was one of the best things in the world, and, God, Emmaline missed seeing it, missed it so much in that second that it was hard to breathe.

Reverend White began the prayers, and Em looked down. She could hear the muffled sobs of some of Josh’s classmates.

“Em?” Everett’s voice was a whisper over the radio. He was at the tail end of the funeral procession, which curved around the cemetery.

“Yeah?” she whispered back.

“This is so sad.” It sounded like he might be crying.

“I know, buddy. Hang in there.”

A short time later, the crowd began walking slowly back to their cars. A few people stopped at other graves, brushing off some leaves or bowing their heads in prayer. A little boy, maybe four years old, ran ahead of his parents, laughing. He grabbed a pinwheel off one grave, and his mother ran up to him and put it back, then knelt down for a lecture.

Was that what Josh had been like? His mom had said he’d been full of mischief, always naughty, but with a smile that let him get away with it. From now on, Gloria Deiner would have to look at other children, and Em knew she’d always compare them to her son, her lost boy.

“Hi, Emmaline.”

Em started a little. “Hey, Jack,” she whispered around the lump in her throat. “How are you?”

He took off his sunglasses, and, though he looked tired, his eyes were clear. “I’m doing okay. Better.”

“Good. That’s...that’s good, Jack.” She paused, her hand going to her Taser. Nervous habit. God, she was as bad as Everett. “It’s nice of you to come today.”

“I got to see him,” he said.

“You did?”

He nodded. “You were right, Emmaline,” he said, his voice low. “I haven’t been...myself. I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of everything.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

He looked at her a long minute, his eyes the same color as the bright March sky.

She wanted to ask him how it was, seeing Josh. What had changed Mrs. Deiner’s mind. If it had been awful. If he was sleeping at all. If he was back with Hadley, and if he was with Hadley, she hoped the other woman was taking good care of him, because Jack...Jack was one of a kind.

Her radio blipped. “I have to go,” she said, and her voice was husky. “Traffic duty.” She paused. “It was good to see you.”

“You, too.”

And then, because she didn’t want him to see her cry, when other people had much better reason to be sad today than she did, she got into the cruiser and did her job.

* * *

A WEEK AFTER Josh’s funeral, Emmaline was sitting in the police station, trying to show Everett how to correctly upload a report. It was the perfect time to teach Everett some basic computer skills. Mindless work. Levi had taken the day off, so it was just Emmaline, Ev and Carol, and no crime to keep them busy. Manningsport had been somber since Josh died—no speeders, no crime, no DUIs.