In The Afterlight (The Darkest Minds #3)(63)

“What the f**k—”

“Hey—hey! You think I don’t want to go after my friend? You think I want her to go through this? No one deserves this, least of all Cate. It’s too late to do anything. You’re right, they’re probably going to try to bring them in for interrogation, but once they have them underground, they’re gone. They’ve disappeared. We’re not ever—” He swallowed. “We’re not going to see any of those people alive again.”

Vida let out a scream of frustration. “We got your ass out! We got you out of one of those prisons—”

“With a fully armed, well-trained tactical team,” Cole said, “and even then there were casualties. Even if we find where they’ve brought them, do you honestly think Cate could live with herself knowing that any of you were hurt trying to get her out? This is why we had that rule in the League. If you’re caught, we can’t come for you.”

“Yeah, unless it’s you,” she snarled.

Because Alban thought he might still have the flash drive of information from Leda, the one that was now worthless. Because of what he really was. I looked over at him, silently willing him to just tell them so they’d understand.

“You’re always bragging about those crazy-ass missions you went on,” she said, her voice taking on a pleading tone. Vida slumped, her furious energy sapped to the point that Chubs was holding her up on her feet. “Why not this one? Why?”

“Because this one wouldn’t be crazy, it’d be suicidal,” Cole said. “And the fastest, best way we have of getting her and the others out is to see our plan through. It’s to get Gray out of office.”

“Talk to Harry,” Liam said. “He has contacts in the different branches of the military. He can recommend someone to talk to.”

Cole looked like he wanted to argue with that, like the idea of asking his stepfather for help repulsed him, but he held his tongue. “The bigger concern we have now is deciding whether to stay here or go. Any one of them could compromise our location.”

“You said that your plan was to trick them into thinking we were going, too,” Chubs said. “That we weren’t coming here at all.”

“Right.” Cole hesitated. “But Conner knew that we were staying.”

“Oh, f**k you!” Vida yelled, finally breaking out of Chubs’s hold. “Fuck you, Stewart! You think she’d give us up?”

“Having experienced their interrogation methods firsthand, darlin’,” Cole said, his voice venomous, “I would say that is an unfortunate possibility.”

“She won’t.” The others turned to look at me, and I wondered if I looked as flushed and crazed as I felt. “Cate would die before she’d tell them.” And that was the problem, wasn’t it? She would let them kill her. She would sacrifice herself before she’d ever let them hurt us. A scream bubbled up in my chest as Liam reached over, trying to wrap an arm around me. I shrugged him off, pulling away from his touch. I didn’t want to be near anyone right now. The room was suffocating, got smaller and smaller and smaller as more people turned to stare.

I have to get out of here. Now. Right now, before the black swelling in my vision overtook everything. I couldn’t get air into my chest, not with so many people around me.

The air in the hallway was cool, at least. I wanted to go, just go, but I couldn’t take the tunnel out, and I couldn’t keep pacing the downstairs halls like an insane person. Without a thought, without remembering getting there, I was upstairs, pushing through the double doors separating the halls, and I was in the training room.

I got on the nearest treadmill, blood rushing loud enough in my ears to drown out the electronic beeps as I turned up the speed and began to run. The levels flew by, and still I kept my finger on the up arrow until it felt like I was flying. My feet struck the belt in time with the bruising pace of my heart. She’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone just like Jude, you told her to leave, you sent her away, they’ll kill her—

I lost time, I lost my head, I lost everything and ran.

My arms pumped that much harder at my sides, as if they could keep dragging me forward when my legs started to give out. The air conditioning sent chills shooting down my back, cooling the sweat dripping from my face. I was only getting air to my lungs in long, harsh gasps, each breath sobbing in and out of me.

There was a blur of black in the corner of my vision, a streak in front of my eyes. I pitched forward as the belt snapped to a stop under me, barely catching myself on the arms of the treadmill. Once my legs stopped moving, they seemed to dissolve under me. I couldn’t put weight on my ankles, let alone straighten my knees.

There were sounds to my right, murmurs that became words, words that finally took on meaning. I rolled onto my back, raising my hands to cover my face as I dragged in one breath after another. My hands were pulled away. A face swam in my vision. Blond hair, square jaw, blue eyes—Liam.

“Okay, easy does it. Come on, Gem, that’s enough.”

Cole. He caught me by the arms and forced me upright, sliding me forward to sit up at the edge of the machine. Sweat stung my eyes, tasted like salt on my lips.

“I told her to leave,” I said hoarsely. “It’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said softly. He pushed the hair sticking to my forehead out of the way. “She made the choice to leave. She was doing what she thought was right, just like you and me.”