In His Keeping (Slow Burn #2)(71)

Beau shook his head. “That’s incredible.”

“Imagine my parents’ shock,” she said dryly. “They had to come to terms when I wasn’t even a year old yet that I was different, and as such, I wouldn’t be able to lead a ‘normal’ life. And it altered their lives as well. They made many sacrifices for me, adjusting their own lives to revolve around mine and my needs. I always came first with them, which is why I have to find them. I owe it to them. To myself. To do whatever is necessary, even if it means sacrificing my own life to get them back.”

His expression immediately blackened, his hold on her hand nearly crushing.

“You will not die,” he said harshly, but vulnerability had flashed in his eyes before he could call it back.

“I don’t want to die,” she said softly, to reassure him. “I have so much to live for. I’m only saying that if it ever came to that—and I trust you and DSS to ensure that it never comes to that—for me it is an easy choice. One I wouldn’t have to ponder, consider or have to talk myself into. They’re too important to me and I can’t imagine my world without them in it.”

“You need to realize that they feel the same about you. Imagine how they’d feel, knowing that you sacrificed your life so they could live. Do you think they’d be grateful? Do you think they could possibly live with themselves? It’s not something they’d ever recover from and get over, Ari. It would devastate them.”

There was a long pause, his breath coming in long bursts on the heels of his impassioned statement. Then he looked her directly in the eye.

“It would devastate me.”

Her heart turned over in her chest. Love, so much love filled her until she was nearly bursting with it. With the need to tell him. To share that one piece of herself that she’d held back from him. But now simply wasn’t the time. They had a task to complete. The single most important event in her life.

“We need to get those lovies,” Ari said. “As quickly as possible. I don’t want to wait. Not a single minute more than is absolutely necessary. If Ramie is willing—and is prepared—please ask her if we can do this today. As soon as we retrieve the stuffed animals.”

“Whoa,” he said, holding up his hand. “There is no we in this equation unless that we applies to me, Zack, Dane, Eliza and a number of other DSS recruits.”

She frowned. “But you don’t know where they are and I do. It just makes sense that I go with you to get them. If you have so many people lined up for this job then surely we’ll be well protected. And you seem to forget that I’m pretty badass myself,” she added with a twinkle in her eyes replacing her frown of disagreement.

Beau sighed. “Where are they, Ari? The house that was already compromised? Because they’ll most certainly have it staked out just in case we’re stupid enough—and it appears we are—to return to the place you were damn near abducted from.”

She smiled. “They aren’t there. My father never stays in the same house but for a few months at the most, so I keep things that are important to me with me at all times. But I have an apartment—owned by my father—but it’s not in my name. The building can’t be traced back to him because it’s registered to a company that doesn’t exist, although a paper trail indicating they are indeed a thriving business was created. I doubt they know about my apartment, and if they do, then they would have had to have been watching me for a good while. Because I never drive straight from work to my apartment. I’m well versed in how to lose a tail and the habit is so ingrained in me, courtesy of my father, that I never deviate from it.”

Beau shook his head, muttering, but he didn’t look at all surprised by the meticulous fail-safes her father had put into place.

“Now when do we leave?” she asked eagerly.

Beau sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face in resignation. “We leave as soon as I alert the others of the change in plans, which will precipitate a whole new level of protection because we were not planning to bring you along. I would have felt much better if you and Ramie had remained here so we could be assured of your safety.”

“You can adapt on the fly,” she said cheerfully. “I’ve seen you in action. This should be a breeze for you.”

He reached for her, framing her shoulders and looking directly into her eyes, a veritable storm of emotion swirling chaotically in his.

“You don’t get it, Ari. If you were any other client, I’d be cool under pressure, and yes, our motto is change, adapt and overcome at any cost. But you aren’t just another client. And therein lies the problem. Because if something happens to you, I can not be held responsible for my actions. Because I’d unleash hell itself if it meant getting you back. And if the unthinkable happened and I lost you . . .”

He had to break off momentarily as emotion, so thick and tangible, seemed to clog his throat, making it impossible to articulate the turbulence of his thoughts and his realization that it was entirely possible he could lose her.

“I’d never survive, Ari. Do you understand that? I would never survive losing you.”

She stared at him in shocked realization. There was so much unguarded vulnerability there for her to plainly see. There was a physical, all too real ache in her heart almost to the point of discomfort. She even lifted her hand to rub absently at her chest, though the ache was deep. So deep that there was no way to ease it.