In Her Wake (Ten Tiny Breaths 0.5)(36)

And I wait. As snow pelts my car from all angles, I wait for almost an hour, long after all the gym rats have left and the lights are off, until my gas gauge is hovering over empty and I’m one of only two cars in the parking lot.

My agitation growing with each breath.

When the door finally cracks open, it’s to let Kacey and her “coach” out, both their heads hidden within hoods and bowed against the snow. He throws an arm over her shoulder and my gut clenches. She shrugs it off immediately.

I crack my window slightly to listen, letting a blast of cold air into my otherwise toasty car.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not interested. And if you don’t stop hitting on me, I’m going to drop your stupid class.”

With a light chuckle, he answers, “No you’re not. You love my class.”

“No, I like your class. But I don’t need it anymore. I could save the money. In fact, consider this my notice.”

The smile stretches across my mouth before I can help it. She’s not into him. That makes me happier than it should.

“Whoa! Take it easy!” He lifts his hands in surrender and she begins marching toward the black pickup parked beside me. She moves past it, though.

“Where are you going?” Jeff calls out after her.

“Home.”

His head drops back, like he’s exasperated with her. I don’t doubt Kacey tests people’s patience on a regular basis. “Don’t be stupid. Come on, let me give you a ride home.”

“Don’t need it.”

Fuck. Is she nuts? We’re in the middle of nowhere, at night, in a blizzard, and her house is at least two miles away.

“You’re going to freeze, Kacey!”

“No, I’m not. I’m just not going with you.” Suddenly she’s turning. And walking toward my passenger-side door. And throwing my door open.

Holy shit.

I sink back into my hood as casually as possible, thanking God that I still have it on.

Willing myself not to turn and give her a good look at my face. Even in the dark, it’s too risky.

The thing is, she doesn’t even turn to look at me. It’s like she doesn’t even care whose car she climbed into. “Do you mind dropping me off at the corner of Main and Church?”

“Um. Sure,” I mumble, keeping my voice low, in case by some crazy chance she may recognize it. Pathetic disguise. I pull out of the parking lot, my car slipping and sliding as we creep along the dead streets in silence. Her fingertips—the ones I held for almost an hour that night so long ago—tap against a thigh. I’m betting any edge she feels right now has nothing to do with being in a car with a complete stranger, but with being in a car, period.

I wonder if she can tell I’m ready to shit my pants. How the hell do I keep getting myself into these situations with her? Oh yeah . . . because I’m basically stalking her.

“Just up at this corner on the right is fine.”

I know that the second I stop, she’s jumping out. So I don’t wait to ask, “Do you normally get into the car with complete strangers?”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Do you normally drive complete strangers around when they get into your car?”

She has a point, I guess. Still . . . “I could be a murderer.”

“Well then make it quick, or pull over because I need to be up early for work tomorrow.” Completely deadpan, no hint of humor. No hint of fear.

Kacey’s clearly not afraid of anything anymore, and that’s a scary place to be. Every person needs a healthy dose of fear, something that gets their blood rushing. Something they can’t bear to lose.

My brakes squeak as I stop. And, just as I expected, Kacey is gone with barely a “thanks” trailing behind her, a solitary figure disappearing into a blur of snow and darkness.

■ ■ ■

It takes twenty minutes under the shower nozzle at the roadside motel to warm the chill from my bones after tonight. I still can’t seem to shake the odd buzz coursing through my body. The one that Kacey left behind. I can’t quite explain it. She’s so dark, so harsh, so wounded. Her prickly exterior would keep most everyone away.

And yet all I want to do is get closer.

Break through that wall she has erected to feel the warmth that I just know used to be there. That’s hidden by that sharp tongue and powerful body.

That body . . .

Blood begins rushing downward as an image of her in those tight shorts hits me, with one of those asses that seem unreal, as hard and round as it is. That would feel incredible in my hands. As would the rest of her.

Shit.

There’s no point lying to myself; the raging hard-on now gripped firmly in my palm is impossible to ignore.

I’m seriously attracted to Kacey.

“Fuck.” My forehead falls to the tile. It was one thing when I was just looking out for her. Though who the hell am I kidding? How long ago did she hook me? The visit to Starbucks, this trip tonight . . . When did this become about more than watching out for her, about making amends?

I need to get some space. No more visits. No more close calls.

But what if . . .

What if she could learn to love again? And what if I’m the one who can remind her what that feels like?

Chapter 19

April 26, 2012

How fitting, that the first warm day of spring is today of all days. It’s perfect, really, since I’ve been sitting on this bench for six hours.