If It Fornicates (Market Garden, #4)(44)

Spencer winced. “People have shared responsibilities for, I don’t know, thousands of years. There are lots of people who make this kind of thing work—to have children or something.”

“Yeah, but then it’s necessary.” Nick raked a hand through his hair. “I can’t do it. I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to come home and then entertain you.”

Spencer recoiled. “It’s not like I’d be a client who’d expect you to . . .”

“If you’re paying my way, that’s exactly what it would feel like. Shit, I almost ended up in something like that before. Though I can’t say I was quite so . . . f*cking involved.” Nick rubbed his face. “Guy offering me room and board for free. He was submissive, so it all worked for me, but then he started making demands, tried to set the rules. Used his power. I was out of there like a bat out of hell.” He met Spencer’s eyes. “I don’t want this to go the same way.”

“Yeah, but we have a good relationship. A good start, anyway. Something real that will likely do well if we give it more space and time and invest in it.” Spencer reached for Nick’s arm and squeezed gently before drawing his hand back. “I want you to be happy, not torn up like this. I want a partner, not a sex slave. And certainly not you in that role. I don’t think I’d do well making any demands on you.”

True. It seemed very much against Spencer’s character. But you only really got to know somebody when you lived with them for a while. Nick had learned the hard way in the past that living under the same roof could reveal even the most easy-going guy’s control freak side. But Spencer wouldn’t be like that, would he? He’d never be the type to try to control things. Control Nick. That just wasn’t him.

But taking that step was still an unsettling prospect for Nick. Right now, he could still walk away. Go part-time as a student, work a few jobs, hell, do the studying on the weekend or a couple evenings a week. Eventually, he’d get there.

“Your flat,” Spencer said. “You’re buying it, aren’t you?”

Nick nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

“You could rent it out. Then if things don’t work out here, with me, you’d still have that.” He held Nick’s gaze. “I don’t want you to be trapped here, Nick. This isn’t for my benefit.”

Nick allowed himself a small grin. “So you’d be getting nothing out of it.”

Spencer hesitated, eyeing Nick cautiously, but then he chuckled. “Well, I never said that. And . . .” He hesitated again, this time breaking eye contact.

“What?” Nick asked.

Spencer took a deep breath. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what we talked about the other night. About my job.”

“Have you?”

Spencer nodded. “And today, talking to Percy, that just kind of drove a few points home.” He met Nick’s eyes again. “I’m miserable too. I go to work every day, do all the tedious shit that would drive most people into a bottle, and all the while pretend I’m someone else. The only time I get to be who I am is here.” He cleared his throat, twice. “Especially when I’m here with you.”

All the air slipped out of Nick’s lungs. “So what . . . what are you going to do?”

“I spent a little time today looking up some options, read some forums. There are more gay-friendly law firms out there, for one, and I could even change fields and work for a company that has normal hours—there are some around. Generally downshift, so I have more of a life, though on a smaller salary. If everything else fails, I could get qualified in general health and wellness and massage therapy in a year or two.” He paused, shifting his weight once, then twice. “Maybe you and I can work something out.”

“Such as . . .?”

“I’ll stick with law for now,” Spencer said. “While you finish up your studies. Save some money so there’s a good cushion and all, and once you’re on your feet with your career, then I can change mine.”

Nick took a long moment just to comprehend what Spencer was suggesting. He’d pegged the whole thing all wrong. Spencer wasn’t stripping away his independence and caging him in. This was a two-way street. That whole give-and-take thing he’d never really experienced in a relationship.

“I still have a year and half left,” he said. “Before I graduate. And that’s just the start. Work experience, getting chartered. It’ll be years.”

Spencer nodded. “That’d be more than enough time to save some money. If we help each other out on this, we could both be in less miserable careers within, what, five years?”

“You’d be willing to wait that long.” Nick blinked. “Stay with the firm or one like it, hold off on what you want . . . until I’m settled into my career?”

“Yes.” Spencer reached for Nick’s hand and slipped his fingers between Nick’s. “We both deserve to be happy, don’t you think?”

I’m just not so sure I deserve a man like you.

Spencer’s thumb traced a slow arc along the side of Nick’s hand. “No one has to make a decision tonight. If you want to think on it, we—”

“I want to.”

Spencer jumped.

Nick took a breath. He clasped Spencer’s hand a little tighter and stepped closer to him. “There’s nothing to think about. I want to.”