If It Fornicates (Market Garden, #4)(19)

With Spencer, the cards were all out on the table. Even some of the uncomfortable ones they’d discussed over dinner the other night. There were no secrets, at least none that Nick was aware of. Spencer knew Nick was a rentboy, and he was well aware of what that entailed, and yet he put his arm around Nick’s shoulders like he would have with any other boyfriend. He touched Nick in all those affectionate little ways Nick hadn’t realised he was missing: a finger playing with the edge of his T-shirt sleeve, the occasional random kiss on the cheek or the top of his head, his bare foot sliding back and forth along Nick’s.

Even when he shifted to get comfortable after being still for too long, he never made an effort to put more space between them. Every time Spencer moved and didn’t let Nick go, a quiet voice whispered in Nick’s mind, And you’d better not let him go, either.

“Another one?” Spencer asked when the credits rolled after the third or fourth episode.

Nick rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “I might fall asleep if we do.”

Spencer gently kneaded the back of Nick’s neck. “You all right tonight? You’ve been quiet.”

“We were watching something.”

“Mm-hmm. You know what I mean.”

Nick closed his eyes and lowered his head, giving Spencer more access to his neck. “Last night was a little . . . rough.”

“How so?” His fingers faltered. “Did something happen? Did—”

“No, nothing bad.”

“Okay.” Spencer resumed his smooth, gentle motions. “So, was it just tiring, or what?”

Nick sighed, rubbing his eyes again. “I was distracted. Preoccupied. Not good for a Dom.”

Spencer was quiet for a moment. “Something on your mind?”

Nick supposed there was no point in lying, and he’d feel guilty if he did anyway. “Us.”

“What about us?”

“That’s just it,” Nick said. “It wasn’t anything specific. Just . . . us. Which made it hard to focus on him.”

“I would imagine so.” Spencer’s hand lifted away from Nick’s neck. “But you’re okay? After last night?”

“I’m okay, of course.” Nick rolled his stiff shoulders. “I just need to focus, that’s all.”

“You need to de-stress.”

Nick nodded, but didn’t answer.

“Between us, your studies, and your job,” Spencer said quietly, “you’re running yourself into the ground.”

Nick still said nothing. What could he say? He certainly couldn’t argue.

“I worry about you,” Spencer went on. “I don’t want to see you carrying the weight of the world around on your shoulders like this. I mean, you just had a holiday recently, and you’re still—”

“I didn’t.”

“What?”

Nick swallowed. “I didn’t have a holiday. The trip to Spain, it . . . it never happened.”

Spencer was silent.

Nick took a deep breath. “I told you that because I was freaking out. I kind of, I guess, just lost it for a while. We were getting so close, and I didn’t know what to make of it. So it was just a convenient excuse.”

“I see.” Spencer’s tone offered nothing. Hurt? Angry? Concerned? Nothing.

“I’m sorry I lied about it,” Nick said. “I don’t . . . that’s not something I usually do. I just panicked, and needed to buy myself some time to figure out what was going on.”

“You don’t have to apologise,” Spencer said softly, and squeezed Nick’s hand. “What did you do during that time, though?”

“I worked.” Nick turned his hand over under Spencer’s. “A lot. More than I have in a long time. Which is, I’m sure, part of why I’m so exhausted now.”

“I have no doubt. And now I really think you need that holiday.”

Nick said nothing.

“I mean it, Nick. I don’t like seeing you this way. Promise me you’ll think about doing something, giving something up so you can be happy.”

“I will,” Nick whispered. He stretched his neck, muscles even stiffer after this conversation.

Good sub that he was, Spencer immediately picked up on it. “You want me to work on that shoulder?”

Relieved to be inching back onto more comfortable ground with Spencer, Nick nodded. But then he grimaced as he pressed his fingers into his neck. “I shouldn’t be this sore. Something must be wrong with my technique. My muscles shouldn’t tighten up like that.”

“They shouldn’t, but they obviously do. I can try to help.”

Nick’s stubborn Damn it, I’m fine side tried to protest, but what the hell. Regardless of why he was tense and stiff, the fact was his boyfriend was offering a massage.

He smiled at Spencer. “Okay.”

“It’ll be best if you lie down.”

Nick arched an eyebrow. “Bed?”

Spencer swallowed. “That would be best. I’ll get some oil and towels.”

“How far do you want me stripped?”

“Want? All the way. Need . . . I’d start in the small of your back.”

“For my shoulder?”

“It’s all connected. Sometimes the tension’s not all where it hurts.”