I Only Have Eyes for You (The Sullivans #4)(49)

She looked up to see him coming back with a plate of food, and her heart swelled with love. They’d had such a perfect day together so far.

But when he sat down he seemed a bit crankier than he had a few minutes earlier. She was getting used to his often gruff manner, the way he liked to be in control all the time. Something had obviously happened when he’d been back in the kitchen with his friend.

Ignoring the food, she said, “What’s wrong, Jake?”

He didn’t answer, just held out the plate and said, “You need to eat.”

The easiest thing would be to get angry at him again for pushing her away. But she was tired of that pattern. It was time for a change.

“Today has been great,” she said softly, “but it’s got to be about more than cable cars and flying kites.”

Sophie waited for him to say something, but his face remained carved in granite. She sighed. It seemed like they’d come so far today, but had they really?

But then, he finally said, “Everyone is wondering what the hell a guy like me is doing in a place like this with a girl like you. I should be washing your dishes, not sharing them.”

She’d never seen his vulnerability so clearly before. Had never actually believed that he had any vulnerable spots at all. She’d thought she knew him so well, after all these years of having a crush on him.

But maybe she hadn’t really known him at all, hadn’t known that he’d be a man who would claim an unplanned child with such enthusiasm...or appreciate a simple girl like her who didn’t shine and shimmer like the rest of her siblings.

“I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like I didn’t fit in. My brothers and Lori were so much bigger, so much brighter than I could ever be. But now,” she paused, met his dark gaze, “I feel better.”

He couldn’t have looked more surprised. “You do?”

She nodded. “It’s nice to know that you feel like just as much of a misfit as I do.”

“Misfit is one word for it,” he said, but there was a darkness to his words he couldn’t disguise.

It was the in she’d been looking for and she couldn’t let the opportunity pass. Not when she felt so close to him...and wanted to be so much closer still.

“I know we practically grew up together, but I don’t really know much about your childhood.”

“Trust me, it’s not interesting.” He shoved the appetizer at her. “Seriously, Sophie, you need to eat.”

“You know everything about my childhood. It’s not fair that I hardly know anything about yours.” She realized she needed to play her trump card. “I’ll eat if you’ll talk.”

“When was I ever stupid enough to think you were a pushover?” He nodded to the food. “Fine. Start eating and I’ll talk.”

She worked to hide her smile as she bit into the red and yellow beet salad, knowing Jake would be shocked to realize just how cute he was when he was being tough and irritated with her.

“My mom left when I was a baby, found some guy who could give her more than a cheap apartment and a lifetime of waitressing. She didn’t want anything to do with us. The next time she showed up, I was six. She needed money. Turned out her meal ticket was a loser, after all.”

Sophie couldn’t hide her shock. “What happened?”

“My dad kicked her back out. I was at school when it happened. Never even saw her. She was better off away from him. He was a drunk. Died when I was eighteen from liver damage.”

He was rattling off the facts like they were from someone else’s life, like they didn’t matter, like they didn’t hurt him. But she knew they did, that they had to have wounded him. Deeply.

How could it not hurt to have been raised with such neglect? Sophie had tried so many times in the past two and a half months to guard her heart against him. It was smarter. Safer.

But how could she be on guard against a boy who’d had a terrible childhood, but had turned into a wonderful man despite it all?

Somehow she managed to hold in her emotions, knowing he’d mistake sadness over how awful his childhood had been for pity. More food came just then, and after the waiter walked away, she reached for her fork as though everything were perfectly fine, while forcing a small smile onto her lips.

“And here I thought losing my kite made for a rough childhood.”

She nearly cheered when her comment surprised a laugh out of Jake and he began to eat as well. “Having all those brothers giving you anything you wanted must have been pretty tough, too.”

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to be guarded by six older brothers?” She made a face. “All the boys at school were too scared of them to come near me. I didn’t have my first kiss until I went away to college, if you can believe it.”

“If anything ever happened to you, they would never have forgiven themselves for not protecting you better.”

“I hate being treated like I’m breakable. I’m sick of everyone thinking all I am is some nice girl who can’t take care of herself.” She was on a roll now and couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I’m so much more than that, but no one ever wants to see it.”

“I see it, Sophie.”

Surprise had her fork clattering to the plate. “You do?”

“Of course I do. How could I not see how strong you are? How resilient. The way you adjust to changing circumstances that would give anyone else whiplash. You’re so much tougher than anyone would ever guess.” His mouth curved into a smile that stole what was left of her breath away. “And, on top of all of that, you just happen to be the sexiest woman I’ve ever known.”