How to Drive a Dragon Crazy (Dragon Kin #6)(85)

“Stop, Brannie,” Izzy got out around the food she still hadn’t swallowed.

“Look at him. All puffed up. I can’t believe that’s my brother.”

They both looked over at Fal. The brown dragon was keeping human prostitutes enthralled with tales of wartime heroism that managed to leave out how many times Brannie and Celyn had been forced to save his rather useless ass.

“What’s really tragic is he’s not even smart enough to help Daddy with all his peacemaking, politics, and book . . . stuff. He’s bloody stupid!”

“Would you stop?” Izzy begged, her voice barely a whisper, her attempts to stop her laughter getting weaker by the second.

“And look at ’em,” she coaxed Izzy, gesturing to the women. “Look at ’em all. ‘Ohhh, Fal,’” she mimicked in a high-pitched voice. “‘You’re so handsome and brave.’”

Izzy pushed her nearly empty plate away. It was rare for her not to finish a meal but what could she do? Brannie would have her choke to death!

“But,” Izzy whispered, “they are prostitutes, yes?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Then is romance really required?”

“It is when you’re cheap.”

“Ahhh. I see.”

Brannie leaned in closer, her voice dropping even more. “Now you see why me mum sent him here. He’s hopeless.”

“But he seems quite happy.”

“Because there’s no safer or more boring an assignment then the salt mines.”

“It’s a very important job, though, Bran. Guarding salt.” Izzy cringed, unable to imagine spending her life guarding a seasoning for meat. “Look, as long as he’s happy . . .”

“As long as there’s fresh pu**y and ale within flying distance, my brother will always be happy.” Brannie sneered in disgust, dismissed it all with a wave of her hand, and asked, “So, you getting nervous about meeting your grandmum?”

“First off, that woman is not my grandmum. Rhiannon is my grandmum. That other bitch is just the body that carried my mum.”

“You’re not one for forgiving, are you, Iz?”

“I forgive. When you’re not an outright cunt to me mum.” She looked intently at her cousin. “Family’s all, Brannie. Family’s all.”

Brannie started laughing hysterically. “I still can’t believe you used that one on him!”

“All right,” Aidan admitted. “I like her. I like Izzy.”

A fist slammed into his face, snapping his head to the side.

Aidan cracked his neck, moved his jaw around to make sure he still could, then looked back at his friend. “I mean, I like her as a fellow being and I like her for you. I didn’t mean I like her so let me get her into a corner so I can f**k her blind.”

“Oh.” Éibhear gave a small shrug. “Sorry then.”

“No, no. I like getting punched in the face for no bloody reason.”

“It’s a habit. What can I say?”

“Thought you only did that with family.”

“ ‘Thought you only did that with family,’” Éibhear imitated-sneered back at him.

Aidan looked around the table, remembered why he’d never fit in with the regular army in the first place. Gods, what a miserable life to lead. “On the way back, let’s stay in a town when we need a break. Or even a bloody barn.”

“Aye.” Éibhear sat up, his elbows on the table, his hands rubbing his tired face. “We should have stayed where we left the horses. We’d have had to stay human, but at least we’d have a bed and I wouldn’t have to deal with—”

“Cousin? Oy. Cousin!”

Éibhear let out a long breath. “What, Fal?”

His cousin leaned in, his arm around one of the prostitutes, and whispered, “So did you get her yet?”

The Mì-runach, who sat on the other side of Éibhear and could hear Fal, stopped eating. They might have stopped breathing.

“Don’t know what you mean,” Éibhear tried, really hoping his cousin would let this go. Although Fal believed himself as charming as Gwenvael the Handsome, he didn’t realize he lacked the one thing Éibhear’s brother had in abundance: intelligence. For it was intelligence that was the thin line between endearing rapscallion and idiot bastard.

“Izzy,” the idiot bastard pushed. “You finally get her or has my brother still got you beat there?”

Éibhear clenched his jaw, the back of his neck began to itch, and his hands curled into fists, but he said nothing.

“Have you even tried, cousin?” He leaned in closer and Éibhear realized Fal was well into his cups. “From what I’ve heard over the years, it’s really not that hard to get in there.”

Still, Éibhear said nothing. Not yet.

He focused across the table, his gaze on Izzy. She was chatting and laughing with Brannie, oblivious to what was going on.

“Look,” the idiot pushed, “if you don’t want her for yourself, you should give her to your Mì-runach friends there. Or maybe when you’re done with her. That’s what you do for friends. Not that you have friends anymore. Not since you got poor Austell killed. But I’m sure you know what I mean. They’ll appreciate the gesture.”