Hold On (The 'Burg #6)(20)

Looking up meant he was looking down. Not his chin dipped, but he was looking down his nose, superior as shit, which was infuriating, and hot as f*ck, which was intensely annoying.

His voice was a low, sexy as all hell drawl when he replied, “Wouldn’t think I had to educate you either, baby. You know the man I am. You laid that shit out for me Friday night. But straight up, I thrust my cock in you, it means when some mom bitch shows at your work and freaks you out, I do what I gotta do to take your back.”

“I can take care of myself,” I snapped in another hiss.

His brows went up. “So you do got somethin’ you gotta take care of.”

Shit!

“Merry—”

I got no more out because his hand clamped on my upper arm and his head turned to the bar.

“Cher’s on break,” he growled.

“Uh…okay, dude,” Morrie replied.

I got one look in to Morrie to see he looked as freaked as me, but for an entirely different reason, before Merry dragged me to the office.

Once he had us in, he slammed the door.

I yanked my arm from his hold, took two steps into the room, turned to him, and launched right in. “If it’s okay with you, I’d actually like to use my break to eat something, Merry, not do whatever this shit is with you.”

Merry ignored me.

“Who was that woman?”

“Not your business.”

“Who…was…that woman?”

I shook my head sharply once. “Not…your…business.”

Merry kept at me. “Who’s Trent?”

“Merry, Jesus.” I planted my hands on my hips. “Let it go.”

“What’s in that envelope and why’s she givin’ it to you?”

I felt my eyes get squinty as the heat of shame and anger poured through me, not believing he’d think of me what it seemed he was thinking.

“You think I’m into bad shit?”

“Fuck no,” he returned. “You’re you, so that didn’t cross my goddamned mind. But also, that woman would cut off her own arm before she’d f*ckin’ jaywalk. That doesn’t mean she didn’t freak you out. So tell me what’s goin’ down with her.”

I shook my head, trying to find control. “Seriously, Merry, I get why you’re here. Shit happened with us—you’d sustained a blow, we got drunk, it got outta hand. I get where you were and where we now are. It’s good. We’re good. Leave this shit alone, we’ll stay good.”

He crossed his arms on his chest. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s not a big deal,” I lied, not having a problem lying to Merry. I’d essentially been doing it, hiding my feelings for him, for years.

The anger seeped out of his features, gentle chasing in after it.

Shit, f*ck.

God, he was so handsome, it hurt.

And that evidence right there, that he was a good man…

That…

It killed.

“Cher, babe, whatever’s goin’ down, you are not alone.”

He meant to be nice. He meant to be cool.

But his words made the anger race right back because I wasn’t; he was right.

And yet, I so was and I so would be, always and forever.

“You do not know what you’re f*ckin’ talking about,” I bit out.

“You got friends. You got people who’ll look out for you,” he returned. “Me bein’ one of them.”

“Yeah?” I asked sarcastically, and I was so angry, the wince of hurt that hit his face didn’t touch me.

“Fuck. Yeah, Cher. Absolutely,” he said softly.

I nodded. “Right. Okay. Good to know. So…” I lifted the envelope. “This is three and a half grand from my recovering junkie ex, who took off the day after I told him he’d knocked me up with Ethan, stealing all the money I had with me. Didn’t see his ass again until he got clean and got himself a wife, Peg out there.” I jerked my head to the door. “Now, you bein’ a detective and all, you’d eventually put this together, but I’ll save you the effort. See, Peg, she likes control. Peg, she likes to call the shots. Peg, she’s a woman who knows how the world should be and how it shouldn’t. So Peg’s old man’s got a kid from another bitch, a bitch who used to be a stripper and f*cked a serial killer, and Peg’s decided that kid needs to be in a good home, that bein’ hers.”

“Holy f*ck,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I spat. “So she’s settin’ it all up.” I waved the envelope in the air. “Settin’ me up to take me down. Do whatever she can to take the only good thing I did in this life away from me.”

He took a step toward me, murmuring a gentle, “Cher.”

And, God, that hurt too, the sting so killer, it injected poison in my bloodstream, having his gentle Cher but knowing I’d never really have it.

I turned the envelope his way to ward him off and he stopped.

I spoke.

“To fight her, I’ll need to call on Colt. Again. Feb. Again. Jack and Jackie. Again. I’ll need to explain again why I was taken in by Lowe. More will go down, askin’ good people who look out for me to keep doin’ it, all this takin’ money I can’t afford to fight it. But the bottom line is, Ethan’ll be dragged through it. The Denny Lowe shit will resurface. Ethan might get it at school. He might lose friends. And straight up, my history is such a big pile of stinking crap, Colt could convince the president to come and stand as a character witness to my mothering skills and I’d still lose my kid. So yeah, Merry, I know I got friends. I know people will look out for me. I know you’re one of ’em. But that does not mean I am not still very, very alone.”