Hold Me (Fool's Gold #16)(55)

Having reassured herself, she sipped her hot coffee and walked toward her office. The day was pretty, and if she ignored the memories crowding in around her, she would be fine. Better than fine. She would be—

She rounded a corner and ran smack into Kipling. When she started to stagger to the side, he grabbed her by her upper arms and steadied her.

“I was coming to see you,” he said.

I was planning on avoiding you. Not that she said that aloud. Instead she managed what she hoped was a friendly, “Oh.”

They stared at each other.

His hands were still on her arms, and she could feel the heat of his skin, along with the pressure of each individual finger. He had nice hands, she thought idly. Large and capable. He’d had his hands on her body. He’d seen her naked. OMG, the man had seen her naked.

A shrill sound built up inside her, but Destiny forced it down. Calm, she told herself. She was calm. Later, she would look up meditation on the internet and start practicing for sure. Because no matter what, she would not turn into her screaming, plate-throwing, emotionally intense parents. One sexual encounter did not a crazy person make. She was stronger than her DNA, stronger than her hormones, stronger than whatever she needed to be stronger than.

Kipling pulled her toward a bench. She thought about bolting, but knew he would only follow. If they were seen running through town, people would talk, and she really didn’t want the speculation. She sat.

He settled, angled toward her. His blue eyes were dark with worry and concern.

“I’m fine,” she told him, hoping to short-circuit the conversation with reassurances. “Completely and totally fine.”

“I don’t believe you.”

He looked good, she thought absently. Tired, as if he hadn’t slept much the night before. There were shadows under his eyes. But still, there was something about him. The shape of his mouth, maybe. It was nice, and she’d enjoyed kissing him. Those little neck nibbles had given her goose bumps. And when he’d put his big hands on her breasts and licked her nipples, she’d—

Stop it!

She screamed the command in her head. She was a sensible, rational person. Sensible, rational people didn’t think the word nipple at 8:15 in the morning. Ever.

“I didn’t know if I should call you, or come by,” he admitted. “You shocked the hell out of me last night.”

She sipped her coffee. Okay, they weren’t not going talk about what had happened. She could deal. They would discuss it and put it behind them.

“Last night,” she clarified.

“Yeah, last night. We have to talk about it.”

Yes, she’d figured that part out herself. “Because of the sex.”

He stared at her. “It’s more than that, Destiny. You were a virgin. You should have said something.”

“I didn’t know what to say,” she admitted.

“How about, ‘Kipling, this is my first time’?”

“In retrospect, that makes sense,” she admitted, not sure when she would have mentioned the fact. Any sentence with the word virgin in it was going to make things awkward. “I had a lot to drink, and I wasn’t thinking. It all happened so fast.”

He tensed. “About that,” he began, then paused.

She waited.

“I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. You know...first the accident and then my recovery. I was in the hospital and rehab for months. Then I came here.”

She sipped her coffee. “I think I knew all that.”

He rubbed his face. “I’m talking about my performance. It isn’t usually like that.”

“What part?” It really had happened so fast, she thought. Or maybe it was that it had happened hazy. “The whole thing is kind of a blur, to be honest. I don’t drink very much, but with the singing and all. I just wanted to get lost in the music.”

He opened his mouth then closed it. “What? What are you talking about?”

“I’m not sure. I’m sorry you were in the hospital for a long time after you were injured.”

He swore and stood. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”

“You’re the one who brought it up.”

She couldn’t be sure, but she thought maybe he was grinding his teeth together. He swore again, then sat back on the bench.

“About us having sex,” he began. “I didn’t know you were a virgin. The way you’d talked before, I thought you’d done it, and it hadn’t been very good.”

“Oh. No, I hadn’t done it. Because of the plan. I was saving myself for marriage.”

Emotions flashed across his face. She couldn’t read them exactly, but she could tell he wasn’t happy.

“Just because I didn’t want to have sex with anyone,” she added quickly. “You don’t have to feel bad. It wasn’t for significant spiritual reasons. I just saw what happened all around me. People making really bad decisions because they were having sex or wanted to have sex.”

“Sex is the root of all evil,” he said.

“Right!” She smiled. “So waiting made sense. In a way, you’ve done me a favor. Now when I meet the right guy, I don’t have to have an awkward conversation. I mean I’m twenty-eight. It was time.”

He stared at her for a long time. “You’re more calm than I expected.”