His Reverie (Reverie #1)(36)

For once in my life, I wasn’t in the mood for shopping. All I wanted was to see Nick. Talk to Nick. Find out what happened, see how he’s feeling after we kissed. Because I was alternating between feeling great about it and then worried. Now though. Now I’m just…

Confused.

I’m also tired. I don’t have anything to say. Nothing good happened today. My expectations were so high that I think I’m crashing. In fact, I know I’m crashing. If I keep writing about how disappointing this day was, I think I might start crying.

I’d like to avoid that so I think I’m going to lie in bed and read. I’d rather lose myself in a book than worry if Nick hates me or not.

For so long I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to know what it would be like, to kiss a guy, talk with him, flirt with him, touch him. Hold hands, go out on a date, talk about meaningful things, make each other laugh. I wanted all of that. I thought for a quick minute I would get that with Nick.

I wanted too much too soon I guess. Or maybe I put all my focus on liking him and not realizing he wasn’t feeling the same way. Whatever. I must say this though.

I didn’t realize liking a boy, kissing a boy only to have that boy ignore me would hurt so much. Because it hurts.

A lot.

21

Dear Diary,

(July 17th, 8:05 a.m.) I am now seventeen. I don’t feel different but I never do. When you’re little you think birthdays are magical moments. Perfect days where nothing can ever go wrong. And even if it does, cake and ice cream and prettily wrapped presents can solve all your problems.

It’s not true. Don’t get me wrong. I still love cake and ice cream. Presents too. Mama and Daddy have already been so generous. She took me shopping and bought me so much stuff. Pretty things. I didn’t get the, ‘Don’t be vain,’ or ‘Remember to pick something modest,’ lectures either.

It was nice.

But I still don’t have what I want most. He’s still ignoring me. I think I know why too and it must have something to do with Mama. I think she talked to him. Told him to stay away from me. He steers clear of me completely. Won’t even look at me. It’s so weird.

I miss him.

This morning though, I woke up feeling hopeful. Feeling strong. Before I even got out of bed I made a wish. Closed my eyes tight and squeezed my hands together, almost in prayer.

I wished for one more chance with Nick.

Tonight is my birthday party. I’m going to wear my new dress and put on the makeup Mama allowed me to buy. I’m going to put my hair up and try my best to walk in those new heels. Most everyone coming to the party are friends of Daddy’s but that’s okay. At least the Williamsons are coming. Glenn Williamson has always had a crush on me. I used to have a tiny crush on him too.

Not anymore. This may sound mean but I’m going to use that crush to my advantage. Maybe my flirting with Glenn will make Nick sit up and pay attention. I feel like a mean girl for using Glenn but he won’t mind. He’s too sweet to mind.

Here’s to new adventures. To capturing my dreams. To becoming a woman.

Here’s to turning seventeen.

22

Jealousy: resentment against a rival

July 17th

“You look ready to tear his arms off and make him eat them for dinner,” Michael mutters.

I jerk my head toward him, glowering at my friend. “What are you talking about?” I clench my hands into fists, barely able to keep my focus on him when all I can hear is Reverie’s happy shouts as she splashes around in the pool.

With a guy.

“Douchebag in the pool with Rev.” Michael waves his hand toward them. Reverie’s laughter rings out, light and sweet and it’s killing me that I’m not the one making her laugh like that. I’ve blown my chance thanks to her witch of a mom. “Though I’m pretty sure he’s harmless. You could take him on.”

“I don’t want to take him on,” I lie between clenched teeth, feeling like an idiot for even acting this way. Thinking this way. I have no business feeling so possessive. She’s not mine. She never was mine. I talked to her a few times. Kissed her a couple of times. So why do I feel so strongly for her? The pull I have toward her is undeniable.

And frustrating as hell.

I’ve done so good. All week I’ve ignored Reverie. I refused to look at her, talk to her, even think of her and focused solely on my job. The job I can’t risk losing for showing any interest in my boss’s daughter. Ever since my enlightening talk with Valerie Hale a few days ago, I’ve avoided Reverie. We haven’t talked. She won’t approach me and I sure as hell won’t approach her.

It’s all working out perfectly. Just like Mrs. Hale wanted. So why the hell am I so miserable?

Because you still want her, jackass.

And now there’s some guy here, some dude who’s her age and more her speed. An old family friend who came to visit with the rest of his clan, Glenn Williamson and his parents arrived yesterday, just in time for Reverie’s birthday.

She’s splashing around in the pool with him right now, playing some sort of game that looks like grab ass to me. She’s laughing and yelling at him every time he splashes her, which only makes him do it more. When he’s not splashing her, he’s trying his best to grab hold of her. Constantly. Puts his hands all over her.

She must’ve gotten a new swimsuit for her birthday because there isn’t a thick black strap in sight. All I see is skin. Her shoulders, her chest, her stomach and those sexy long legs, all on display since she’s wearing a colorful bikini that manages to cover all the important parts up pretty well but still fuels my imagination.