Heaven and Hell (Heaven and Hell #1)(59)

“Baby –”

I kept talking, fast, my breath coming faster, speaking right over Sam.

“He had this guy, at work, he hated him. God, he obsessed about him. Everyone liked this guy, especially Cooter’s boss. It drove Cooter wild. Just wild. He started messing with him. Screwing around with his car. Doing crazy shit. God, he’d come home, tell me what he did, I couldn’t believe it, it was so crazy but he giggled himself sick. He loved it. Every minute of it. Then there was an accident at work and the guy got hurt. It was bad. So bad, he’s on Disability now, he hasn’t worked since. Cooter never said anything to me but he calmed down after that and I don’t think it was just because the guy wasn’t around. I think it was because he made the guy not be around. I couldn’t do that to my family. My friends.”

“No, honey, that’s understandable,” Sam said softly, moving a step toward me but I took a step back and he stopped.

“But all of them, Sam, I could have rallied all of them. I see that now. These past couple of days, it’s come to me. They were there to help. Some of them even told me they were there if I needed them and they told me this because they knew I needed them. It was hurting them, watching him tearing away parts of me. And, now, looking back, I know he couldn’t have taken them all on. Especially if I talked to Ozzie. Ozzie knew. Ozzie has seen a lot in his life, his job. I knew he knew what was happening to me. I should have talked to Ozzie. He would have helped me.”

“You weren’t thinkin’ then, you were scared and protecting them and yourself.”

I shook my head. Closed my eyes then opened them and looked at him.

“He was my only lover and he made me unclean.”

“Kia, we don’t know –”

“You f**k me, you f**k him and I can’t have that for you. I can’t do that to you. So I can’t have you.”

His face changed, like an understanding, it washed over his features leaving a beautiful warmth in its wake but it didn’t penetrate even when he whispered, “Baby, that’s crazy.”

“He contaminated me and he can’t contaminate you.”

“We don’t know that.”

“We know.”

His head cocked to the side. “You know?”

“I don’t know how many women he’s been with. It could be dozens. But it doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.” He melted as the tears filled my eyes because it hit me and when it hit me it crushed me. “He’s already contaminated me.”

The weight of this knowledge was so heavy, my legs gave out but I didn’t hit the floor. Sam caught me in his arms, I was up then we were both down on the bed, Sam cradling me and I burrowed closer, sobbing into his chest.

“That’s right, honey, get that shit out,” Sam murmured into the top of my hair and my body bucked with another sob.

He cradled me closer and held me for a long time because I cried for a long time. Then finally, the tears came slower and I lay in his arms, held close, tight and sniffling.

“Took it too fast, movin’ on you, takin’ you to bed. Fucked up, mentioning that shit to you,” he muttered like he was talking to himself, his hand moving soothingly on my back.

I lifted my hand, dragged my fingers across my cheek, stared at his shirt and mumbled, “You should really go.”

His hand stopped moving and both arms closed around me as he asked, “What?”

“You should go.”

“Where?”

“Away from me.”

“Kia –”

I sucked in breath, lifted my head and looked at him. “I’m… you were right. He broke me and you need –”

“I know what I need, baby, you don’t. Don’t tell me what I need. Only I know.”

“Well I know it isn’t me.”

He held my eyes. Then he grinned.

Then he said gently, “Last night, I was pissed and losin’ it. That woman, rude. Takin’ our time then up in my space. She kept talkin’, I woulda said something that woulda made her kid not like me so f**kin’ much. You moved right in, sorted it out, got them what they wanted and us on our way. Been in that position too many times, Kia. Not one woman standing by my side has felt my patience go and stepped in for me. Not one woman… except you.”

I stared at him, stunned at this news. I mean, his hand got so tight in mine, how could his other women not know and, well, do something?

“Really?” I asked.

“Really,” he answered then went on quietly. “You wore those shoes you’re wearin’ now the first time I saw you.”

I felt my lips part.

He remembered.

Holy cow. He remembered my shoes.

Sam’s eyes went to my mouth and he muttered, “She gets it.”

“Sam –” I started but he immediately talked over me.

“Silver shoes the second time I saw you, blue dress.”

I closed my eyes.

I knew what he was saying.

He remembered everything about me.

“Gold when you went out with me.”

I opened my eyes and felt tears filling them again as he kept right on going.

“Your Lake Como bud, Kia, baby, she didn’t tell you about her kid because you remind her of her daughter. She told you about her kid because you remind her of her daughter and you are all she hoped her daughter would grow up to be. Beautiful, funny, friendly, classy. I know why Luci liked you at first, you looked good, pure class but effortless, not a wannabe; you looked like what she thinks would fit me. I don’t know what you did to take it beyond that but whatever it was, you did it. By the time I got to you with the champagne, you had Luci. Not one woman I’ve ever been with that she’s met has had her approval at all so definitely not that soon.”