Heaven and Hell (Heaven and Hell #1)(160)

Skip’s leathery face, if it could be believed, got soft (ish).

“That boy’s endured a lot,” he told me gently.

“I know that,” I snapped harshly, scratching at anger in the hopes it would see me through.

“You need to have patience with him. Don’t give up. What I saw of him with you, girl, he’ll –”

I shook my head again and cut him off, “No, he won’t.”

His voice got firmer and more insistent. “You have to have patience, girl.”

“You don’t know!” I cried. “You don’t know how it’s been.”

He went back to soft and gentle when he agreed, “You’re right. I don’t. I still know you gotta have patience.”

I’d had enough.

Really, could you blame me?

“It isn’t lost on me he has demons, Skip. I’ve put it together. A man doesn’t leave a professional football career to join the Army when his brother dies unless something is there, something deep, something profound. He has not shared this with me. A man does not lose his best friend and look after that man’s widow unless the bond between them is so strong death can’t break it. I know this too. He has not shared about this with me either. I’ve asked. I’ve not asked and waited for him to talk to me. We’ve fought about it. But that isn’t it. There’s a big part of his life I have no idea about. He walks away from me to have phone conversations. He leaves to meet people. I ask about this too, he doesn’t answer. He’s determined to keep those demons locked inside him, Skip, and he’s determined to keep his secrets. And I know one thing for definite about Sam Cooper. When he’s determined to do something, he’s going to do it. I tried to live with it. I tried to accept it, but I can’t. And the reason I know I can’t is, he’s gone, Skip, and it is also not lost on me that he’s not off on a goodwill mission to bring water, food and medication to drought stricken areas of Africa. He took his f**king passport. And he’s somewhere far away doing something dangerous. I know it. I’m not stupid. And I don’t have to know everything but I have to know something so I can be prepared. I deserve that. And if he loved me, he’d give me that. Whatever he’s doing means something could happen to the man I love and he should love me enough to let me decide if I want to live with that fear. And I’ll tell you what I would tell him if he’d loved me enough to give me the choice. The answer would be yes. But he should love me enough to allow me to make an informed choice, accept it and to help me learn how to live with it and prepare for the possibility that I whatever he’s doing may make me Luci. I’ve given him everything, Skip, and he’s given me so much it isn’t funny. But he’s kept important things locked away. That isn’t right. It isn’t fair. And it isn’t what a healthy relationship is based on. I can’t do it. I want it all and he won’t give it all. I asked for it and he told me I can’t have it. He told me it’s my decision and he’s right, it is so I’m making it.”

Skip took a step toward me and coaxed, “Wait it out, he’ll be back. When he comes back, I’ll talk to Hap and we’ll have a word with Sam.”

That was huge; I knew it, Skip talking to Hap to do that for me.

But I knew Sam. They would fail. If I couldn’t break through, they couldn’t.

“It won’t work,” I whispered, shaking my head.

“Woman, let us try,” Skip whispered back and my eyes locked with his.

“You know him, Skip, you know him. It won’t work.”

Skip held my eyes and I let him. This lasted awhile.

I was losing it and felt my lips tremble. Skip’s eyes dropped to them then shot back to mine.

“He gets home, I’m gonna kick his ass,” he bit off and I shook my head again.

“Don’t. Please. He thinks the world of you and he needs good people around him. You get in the middle of this, Sam won’t like it. You’re good people, Skip, and he needs you. Just let him be.”

Skip visibly clenched his teeth.

A horn honked in the distance.

The car was here.

Shit.

It was time to go.

“I have to go,” I told him quietly.

He scowled at me.

Then he muttered, “I’ll get your bags.”

I swallowed. Skip got my bags, I rushed through the house making sure the backdoor was locked, all the windows secure then I rushed back, grabbed my purse, the keys, the padded envelope I prepared and the remote on the bar. I snatched up Memphis’s crate, went to the security panel, punched in the code and hurried out, locking up behind me.

Skip and the driver were loading my luggage in the trunk when I arrived. I greeted the driver and loaded Memphis in the backseat.

Then I turned to Skip.

“Maybe one day I’ll come back and have another sandwich,” I said on a small smile knowing this was never, ever going to happen.

Kingston, North Carolina was a memory for me.

No, it was a dream, better than a memory but still, just as unattainable.

“Maybe, after I kick his ass, you will,” Skip returned.

“Skip –” I started.

“You do what you gotta do, girl, and I’ll do what I gotta do. Life’s too short to live with demons and life’s too short to miss one second bein’ with the ones you love. You gotta go, I see that. I gotta kick that boy’s ass when he comes home, I hope you can see that.”