Heaven, Texas (Chicago Stars #2)(93)

The doorman let her into the building where Way lived, and she took the small elevator up to his apartment. She dug in her purse for the key he’d given her, but before she could fit it in the lock, he swung the door open.

His face was set in the same grim lines she remembered from their early encounters, and she almost expected a scathing comment, but, instead, he shut the door and drew her into his arms. “Are you all right?”

For just a moment, she allowed herself to rest her cheek against the front of his shirt, but even that brief comfort felt like a betrayal of Hoyt. “I didn’t know he was going to be there,” she said as she pulled away. “It was so unexpected.”

“I won’t let him badger you about this.”

“He’s my son. You won’t be able to stop him.”

He walked over to the window and, bracing the heel of his hand on the wall next to it, gazed out. “If you could have seen the look on your face when we were standing there…” His shoulders heaved as he drew a deep breath. “He didn’t believe me when I told him we’d met accidentally. I wasn’t very convincing. I’m sorry.”

He was a proud man, and she understood what it had cost him to lie on her behalf. “I’m sorry, too.”

He turned to her, and his expression was so bleak she wanted to weep. “I can’t do this anymore, Suzy. I can’t keep sneaking around. I want to be able to walk down the sidewalk with you in Telarosa and be invited into your house.” He gave her a long, searching gaze. “I want to be able to touch you.”

She sagged down on the couch, knowing the end had come but unwilling to accept it. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“I have to let you go,” he said quietly.

Panic spread through her, and her hands knotted into fists at her sides. “You’re using what just happened as a way out, aren’t you? You’ve had your amusement, and now you’re ready to get rid of me and move Rosatech, too.”

If he was startled by her unfair attack, he gave no sign of it. “This doesn’t have anything to do with Rosatech. I’d hoped you would have known that by now.”

She hurled her pain and guilt at him. “Do men like you have some kind of corporate locker room where you go to tell each other stories about all the women you seduce with your threats? They must have laughed at you for going after an old biddy like me when you could have had some busty young fashion model.”

“Suzy, stop it,” he said wearily. “I never meant to threaten you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to screw me again?” Her voice choked on her tears. “Or was it so distasteful that you only wanted to do it once?”

“Suzy…” He came toward her, and she knew he wanted to take her into the comfort of his arms, but before he could touch her, she jumped up from the couch and moved away from him.

“I’m glad you’re putting an end to it,” she declared fiercely. “I never wanted it to happen in the first place. I want to forget all of this and go back to the way things were before I walked into your office.”

“I don’t. I was lonely as hell.” He stood in front of her, but he didn’t touch her. “Suzy, you’ve been a widow for four years. Tell me why we can’t be together. Do you still hate me so much?”

Her anger faded. Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t hate you at all.”

“I never intended to move Rosatech; you know that, don’t you? I’m the one who started the rumor. I was like a little kid. I wanted to strike back at the town for the way they’d treated my mother all those years ago. She was a sixteen-year-old kid, Suzy, and she was brutally raped by three men, but she was the one punished. Still, I never intended for you to get caught in the path, and I won’t forgive myself for that.”

She turned her face away, silently begging him not to say any more, but he wouldn’t stop.

“That afternoon when you came into my office, I took one look at you and felt like a kid from the wrong side of the tracks all over again.”

“And you punished me for it.”

“I didn’t mean to. It never entered my head to blackmail you into sleeping with me—surely you know that by now—but you looked so beautiful that night you walked into my bedroom, and I wanted you so much that I couldn’t let you go.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “You forced me! It wasn’t my fault! You made me give in to you!” Even to her own ears, her words sounded like those of a small child unwilling to take responsibility for her own actions and blaming everyone around her.

He regarded her with eyes so old and sad she wanted to weep. When he spoke, his voice was a hoarse rasp, full of pain. “That’s right, Suzy. I forced you. It was my fault. Only mine.”

She willed herself to keep silent and let it end there, but her innate sense of honor rebelled. This was her sin far more than it was his. Turning away, she murmured, “No, it wasn’t. All I had to do was say no.”

“It had been a long time for you. You’re a passionate woman, and I took advantage of that.”

“Please don’t lie for me; I’ve done enough of that for myself.” She took a ragged breath. “You didn’t force me. I could have walked away any time I chose.”

“Why didn’t you?”