Hawk (A Stepbrother Romance #3)(4)

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I live here."

I'm not sure if he's just dazed or that was his trademark charming wit. I scowl at him.

"Four years, Hawk. Four. Years. Where’ve you been?"

"I joined the Navy."

I blink a few times. "What?"

"You know, the Navy? Boats, uniforms, anchors aweigh my boy?"

"What the hell for?"

He shrugs. "My options were limited. Alex-"

"Don't you ‘Alex’ me," I shout, then lower my voice.

God, I don't know who might be listening.

"Hawk, four years. Not a word. No text messages, no post cards, nothing. You fell off the face of the planet after-"

After what? What am I going to say? What actual obligation did he have to stay? At any point were we more than just friends?

It's not a question I want to answer, because I've been pining for him all this time. Look at him now, muscled like a Greek god, and good Lord those tattoos are hot. I feel a weird urge to lick his arms and see what they taste like. There's more under his shirt-I can see a bird or something where the relish juice soaked through. Knowing him, it's probably a hawk. He starts towards me and I take a step back.

"What are you doing?"

"Alexis, can we try talking? Thanks. Look, I-"

"You what?"

"Stop interrupting-"

"No."

"Alex!"

"Say what you came to say, Hawk."

"Okay, I-"

"Go on."

"Damn it!"

He scowls at me but he's starting to laugh, the way he always used to when he was trying to act serious and I made him crack up. His chest jerks up and down and his shoulders tense as he tries to bite down on his laugh and keep it from escaping. Like an idiot, I smile in spite of myself and all but flutter my eyelashes at him. Hell, maybe I just did flutter my eyelashes at him, I'm not completely sure. The way he's looking at me makes me feel lightheaded, almost. He's different but the same, and when he smiles at me his eyes have the same mischief I remember but behind it there's something darker, haunted, like his eyes have seen too much.

Do I have that same look?

"Alex," he says, "I have… I have a lot to explain I just… what's up with that?"

He points at my chest. I glance down and grit my teeth.

"Oh, this. My stepfather has me working for his campaign."

"Your who? Your mom got married? Why would your stepdad have you working for…"

I watch it dawn on him. His face goes slack, then twists in rage.

"He married your mother?"

I just look at him and nod, sadly. "Didn't anyone tell you?"

"No. I haven't talked to anyone from home."

"Why?"

"I had my reasons."

I glare at him. Harder.

"You had your reasons. You. Had. Your. Reasons."

"Yeah."

I pace closer to him and thrust my finger in his face. He doesn't even flinch.

"You just f*cking disappear, pop back up now and say 'I had my reasons' and you expect me to accept it?"

"I… yes."

Fury snakes down my arm like a hot wire and before I realize what I'm doing, I slap him.

"I waited for you," I snap, my voice strained. "Every day I hoped and listened and watched, waiting for you to come back. I knew you wouldn't leave me, but you did. Four years of waiting and waiting and waiting."

"I did come back."

His words twist something in me until it snaps.

"Now. You come back now. When it's too f*cking late."

"What do you mean?"

There's a bruise rising on his face, but he just looks at me and asks me what I mean. The longer I stay silent the deeper his gaze feels, the more the tension in his body grows. I never felt afraid of Hawk, and I don't now, but there's an intensity in him that makes me nervous, sets me on edge, like a faint musical note on the edge of hearing. He's changed.

I open and close my mouth.

What am I supposed to tell him? It would take hours, and I doubt he'd believe half of it. I don't believe half of it. Here I am, so close, and he comes crashing into my life again at the worst possible time. I know him. He's going to make a huge scene and just ruin everything.

"I don't need you anymore."

The cold in my own voice almost impresses me. Hawk flinches, more now than he did when I hit him. Both times. He moves closer.

"You don't?"

I take a step back. "No, I don't."

"I need you."

"That's great, Hawk. Maybe you should have needed me for the last-"

"Did you miss the part where I joined the military? We don't get vacation."

"Sure you do. They call it leave, or something."

He's moving closer. I'm back up. There's a wall behind me.

"Besides," I go on, "Even if you couldn't come home, you could’ve looked me up. I'm not hard to find. Sent me an email, something, anything. A text message. Wrote a note and stuck it in a bottle."

"No, I couldn't."