Hanging On (Jessica Brodie Diaries #2)(84)

Lump took a deep breath, eyes not seeing the clear day.

"You know how some cops tell stories of men on PCP?" She looked at me, hurt from her old wound plain in her features. I nodded mutely, trying to not show pity or anything close to it. "Well, that was what it was like. Super human strength and speed. He was insane! I fought him off for a while. I don't know how. I was dodging and blocking mostly. I would throw a strike just to put him on the defensive for a second, long enough to try and get toward the door to run.

"He would have had me. He connected on a couple hits and I thought it was the beginning of the end. I was getting tired. Moving slower. He didn't seem to feel the exertion at all. I honestly thought he would kill me. Honestly. I still remember thinking it vividly. It was then that my oldest brother came in. He saw what was happening and joined me. Didn't take over, but joined. We fought him back and my brother connected to the head and neck a couple times, finally knocking my father out.

"When he came to he didn't remember going mental. Or he said he didn't. As he gets older I feel like I see glimpses of guilt, but who can tell. My brother said he’d seen my dad like that a few times, but there were always a couple people to help counter. I was unlucky.” She shook her head then continued, "I bided my time until I get could get out of the house and go away to college. I was never in a room alone with him again after that. But I will never forget it."

She paused with the memory of that day. It pained me to see her dejected look, still so fresh, though from so long ago.

"I lost most of my fear of men after that. You fight someone like my dad, as he was, and it changes you. Nothing else seems so bad. It helped me in a way, I guess. I would rather not have had that help, but you have to think of the good points.”

“That’s what Dr. George, says.” I nodded.

"Well...last night I saw that look in Adam. That same inhuman rage from somewhere deeper." She took a raged breath. "It instantly took me back to that time with my dad. Even though there were too many people, William especially, that would have stopped Adam if he tried anything, I still felt like he would kill me. Like I had thought my dad would kill me. It hurt just as much. I was a lot more scared, though, because I knew what that look meant this time around. I knew what he would turn into.

"I tried to take a page out of Jane's book and fight with knowledge. It seemed to work. Who knew?" She half smiled. Her eyes were glistening. "So...he told me some of his stories, I told him that one. I thought you should know, too. Just because. But anyway, then we just sat with each other for a while. We at least know where the other is coming from."

"Well..." I began. "how come you are each so good at picking on the other? On making each other so mad?"

She smiled a sad smile. "Who knows why we can get under each other's skin. Maybe on some unconscious level I knew of those demons that were so similar. Maybe I wanted to finally beat it or something. I’m not smart enough to analyze that stuff. But I don't know if I could ever trust him. I don't know if I could live with a person that can lose it like that. That is capable of that sort of rage. I don't ever want to face it again. I am confronting my fear just by knowing it is possible in him.

"I wish I could have what you have in William. With Adam or anybody. You are so lucky, Jess. He gets you. He gets you in a way that no one has ever gotten me. That no one has ever tried to know me. He is perfect. Looks, brain, brawn, head for business, raised right, good relationship with his family—the list goes on and on. And you..." She shook her head, a tear leaking over.

"What? Am a nitwit?"

"You have blossomed like a flower. I know that you always thought I was the pretty one and you were always mediocre, and maybe where you were in life that was true. But out here you've blossomed, like I said. You have come into yourself. All confidence, smiles, love, all of it.” She paused with a sad smile. “Listen to me." She let escape a sardonic laugh. "I’m starting to sound like Jane."

"Lump, you'll find someone. You really will. You are crazy gorgeous. Crazy silly gorgeous. And good at everything. Maybe the move, or maybe meeting the violence from your past without backing down, will be your catalyst. Your sun and water to open your flower. Ew. That reminded me of virginity.” We started laughing. “Okay, look, I’m no poet. But little miss, you will find a guy. William knows a ton of hot ones! Seriously. We'll go to the bull riding thing and get you hooked up."

"Bull riding thing?"

"You'll see. I rode one. Because I rock, obviously." I did a little strut as we were walking. "But you didn't tell me. How did you and Adam disentangle and get back to your rooms last night?"

"Well, we shared our stories and comforted each other..."

"You didn't have sex did you?!"

"Noooo!" she said with a roll of her eyes. "Not even close. He held onto me and rubbed my back for a while—I let him. It felt really good to have someone that close. Then I felt him start to get...excited."

"Oh my God," I gasped.

"Would you relax?" She play punched me in the arm. I pretended that that arm went dead.

"When I felt…that, it kind of blended in with the good part of the night, and I lifted away from him just enough to look into his eyes."