Hanging On (Jessica Brodie Diaries #2)(40)

Finally, I just went to get his damn bed. My interview for the new position was the next day, and I needed sleep. William wouldn’t let me go alone so we moved the whole operation to my house. The second Fred was in the door, he ran to his bed, sniffed it, turned around a couple times, and settled in. He slept like a log of the rest of the night. I never forgot that damn bed again!

Gladis was having her party in the next couple weeks and was constantly asking my opinion on things. Did we need an ice sculpture? How much food did we need? Should we have three bartenders or two? Should it be outside and inside, or just outside, or just inside? Everything was ‘we’ as if I was hosting the party as well. I gave my opinion like a rock-star, but let’s face it, I was out of my league. I could throw one helluva party, yes, but those kinds of parties didn’t have a place for an ice sculpture, unless it was in the bathtub, keeping the keg cold.

My life on paper was perfect. Awesome guy, awesome job prospects, awesome living situation—I was so far over my expectations of Texas it was unreal.

But there was one, giant, glaring problem: I didn’t have my girls.

I missed Flem’s sarcasm, Lump’s easy going attitude, Claire’s fun comments, and Jane’s sweetness. I also found myself missing Ami. I didn’t know her as well as I could, but I felt like I understood her tenfold after hanging out with people that had means.

Apparently, calling such people rich wasn’t classy. They should be described as people with ‘means’.

I’d told William, “Whatever. It means the same thing.” Ha! I was too clever by half.

He didn’t share the sentiment.

I called the girls often, and emailed more than that, but they weren’t around as much lately. I got message machine after message machine, and no calls back. It felt like they were slipping away. That the distance was starting to come between us, as if we were long-term lovers. It made me more than a little panicked.

Candace was very much in my life, and was becoming a good friend, but she didn’t have the history the others did. Also, she was too nice. She always loved my outfits, always thought I was the prettiest person in the world, and always told me how smart I was. As far as “yes men” went, she was right on. For a girlfriend, it would’ve been nice if she’d had an opinion or two.

It was Friday night. Just one Friday night among millions. Another night out with William, Candace, and all the boys. I’d become moody, I could tell I was getting listless, and, embarrassingly, I would randomly cry when I got too drunk, but I couldn’t help it. I was lost. It was like a three legged table with a broom stick stand-in as a fourth leg; not the most stable of surfaces.

We were in my bedroom getting ready, and I was in the middle of trying to get out of going. I wanted to spend the evening on the computer, working out a trip to L.A.

“William, why don’t you just take a boy’s night tonight?” I asked as I picked my thumb nail. For some reason, through all my moodiness, William never got pissed. He was constantly supportive and overwhelmingly understanding. It was weird. Good—of course it was good, but weird. I would’ve bitched slapped me by now.

“I’ve had my whole life for boys’ nights. Now I have you. I want boys’ and girls’ nights for a while. Until I get tired of you.”

It was a joke. I didn’t find it funny because I was a moody bitch.

It’s sad when you can admit it, but not find a way to change it. It was like PMS; awful and enviable but no way to steer clear.

“I know, babe, but maybe the guys are tired of me hanging around.”

“They love you, Jess. They all do. I haven’t heard a bad word.”

“William, come on, be honest with yourself. They’re not going to tell you they hate me. They’ll say they love me to your face then talk shit amongst themselves. Maybe you should go solo. I need alone time.”

“Sweetie,” William came over and sat with me on the bed, “the last thing you need is alone time. Come on. We’ll go out, have a drink or two, hang out with friends, and have a good time. You’ll have fun. Promise.”

I moaned because when he was logical, there was no point in arguing.

I did go out. I did have a decent time, but when Candace wouldn’t stop going on about how cute my boots were, I had to get out of there. She didn’t comment once on the scuff marks.

“William, I’m going to head out.” I had pushed past Ty, possibly elbowed Moose, and interrupted Adam to relay this message.

“Why so soon Jessie-girl?” Adam asked as he leaned against the bar.

“Just… I need to go. I miss Fred.”

William looked at me with understanding. “Okay, can you wait until I finish my beer?”

I almost told him he didn’t understand a damn thing. He had his friends handy all the time. He had no idea why I was acting so crazy. He should be mad, for Gods sakes! Normal people were angry at sporadic, unexplained behavior!

Instead I said, “You can stay. I’ll go on my own. It’s fine.”

William and Adam passed a knowing look. Being that men thought they were incredibly sneaky and clever, they thought that look would go unnoticed.

They were wrong.

“You guys have no idea why I am a tard, okay? I just am. And I don’t want company. I want to go home. To my dog. Well, William’s dog. On my own. No penises allowed. Okay?”