Grave Phantoms (Roaring Twenties #3)(84)

Yesterday’s nightmare was over. It was time to move on. She would tell him her new plan for the future. Their future.

“Happy New Year,” his voice said near her ear.

“Happy New Year.” She turned over to see his handsome face and curved a hand over his cheek. His hair was still matted with dried blood above his ear. “Does it still hurt?”

“My head’s killing me.”

“We should have called someone to get us last night. You need to see a doctor.”

He shook his head and ran a hand through her hair. “I wanted one more night with you.”

All they had done was sleep, but she understood. She wanted it, too. This togetherness. To wake up and feel his arm around her.

He propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at her. “I think we need to talk about what happens next. About us.” Had he been reading her mind? Before she could agree, before she could even open her mouth to speak, he asked, “Do you love me?”

Her voice caught in the back of her throat. “So much.”

“Do you want this?” He didn’t explain, but she understood. This. “Knowing how hard it will be for both of us. Knowing . . . I can’t marry you. Do you still want this?”

“More than anything.”

He nodded briefly and blew out a long breath. “Then I want you to go back to school.”

Her hand stilled. “Back to school?”

“The semester starts in three days, so you’ll probably need to get on a train tomorrow or the next day.”

The heaviness that had lifted from her chest settled back inside as if it had never left. She sat up in bed, angry and hurt. “How can you say that? Did the last few weeks mean so little that you can just send me off with a pat on the back?”

He grabbed her shoulders, brow lowering severely. “Do you even need to ask me that? They mean everything, Astrid. They’ve turned my world upside down.”

“Then why do you want me to go?”

Brown eyes studied hers. His face softened. “Because I want you to be sure that school isn’t what you want.”

“It isn’t.”

“I want you to be sure,” he repeated. A plea. “And if it turns out that you change your mind, then we’ll find a way to make it work. It doesn’t change us. It’s not one or the other. Not us or school.”

This wasn’t her plan. Wasn’t what she wanted at all. She started to tell him what she had in mind. “But it’s not the only option. If—”

“Listen to me,” he said in a voice that brooked no argument. “If we’re going to do this, legally married or not, I need to be able to take care of you. I can’t do that from the basement of the Queen Anne. I need time to put things in order, to stand on my own. I need . . . to talk to Winter.”

“He’ll have to accept us, and that’s all there is to it.”

“I know that. But he’s my family, too. And after everything he’s done . . . well, I at least owe him honesty.”

“I could tell him with you.”

He shook his head. “No, Astrid. Allow me my pride. This is my job, my home—there’s too much on the line for me. It’s my entire world. And my burden, too. I know you think that Winter will have to accept us, but have you seriously considered that he might not? And what would we do then? How would we live with no job and no home?”

“Did you ever consider that I can work, too? Plenty of women work.”

He picked up her hand and held it between both of his. “A man still must be able to take care of a woman, even if she can stand on her own. I want to be that man for you. I’m asking you to let me do that. Asking you to have faith in me. Give me time to sort this out and secure our future. Go back to Los Angeles.”

His words rang in her head. And as they did, it finally sunk in that this wasn’t about her going back to school at all. This was about Bo and Winter. Bo and his pride. Urging her to return to the university was convenient for him. That wasn’t his only reason for wanting her to go, of course; she had no doubt that he truly believed school was important and a privilege she’d be throwing away carelessly if she quit now. He’d made that clear before tonight.

It took her a handful of seconds to change her mind about telling Bo her bold new plan—one that didn’t involve school. He’d only shoot it down. And the thing of it was, she understood exactly what he was feeling, this need to stand on his own feet and prove himself worthy. She wanted that, too. Because in her mind, going back to college wasn’t independence; it was giving in and bending to pressure. It was conforming to an ideal that her brothers had wanted—not her. And she hadn’t failed at academics because it was too hard or because she wasn’t serious enough.

She’d failed because it just wasn’t the right path for her.

“Will you give me time to take care of things?” Bo asked, eyes pleading.

“I will,” she answered. Not in the way he wanted, but she didn’t tell him this. After all, he wanted her to have faith in him, but he needed to have faith in her, too.

She would give him a reason to do precisely that.

THIRTY

The first thing they did when they got back into the city was to head straight to Gris-Gris. Velma confirmed that the shadow on Astrid’s aura was gone. She was free and clear of cursed magic. But after everything they’d been through the night before, Astrid felt that this was less a cause for celebration and more of a consolation prize. Strange to think that dealing with body-thieving pirates and ghost ships was almost preferable to facing the mountain that lay ahead: her future.