Goddess of the Hunt (The Wanton Dairymaid Trilogy #1)(108)

Then tonight … God. Tonight, he’d shot at a twelve-year-old boy.

A bitter compulsion forced him toward the open door. He had to leave. He had to get far away from her, before he hurt her again.

Lucy blocked his path. “Jeremy, this is madness! You can’t honestly mean to go hunt down a child.”

He grit his teeth and flexed his hands at his sides. Of course he didn’t mean to go hunt down a child. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but he did all the same. He was his father’s son. He was cold and cruel and heartless, and it wasn’t safe for him to stand here and belabor the point. He had to leave, and he had to leave now.

“Lucy, just get out of my way.” She planted her feet wide and crossed her arms defiantly. He clenched his jaw and glared at her. “Move.Now.”

“Why are you behaving like this?” Lucy’s hands balled into fists. “Listen to yourself—scowling and making ridiculous threats. Why? Because your father treated his tenants that way?” She jabbed a finger into the center of his chest, poking at the raw, open wound that was his heart.

“Don’t do this.”Jab .

“You are not your father.”Jab .

“You’re good and kind and generous.”Jab, jab, jab .

“Jeremy,” she sighed. “For God’s sake, you can’t even bring yourself to shoot a blasted partridge. You wouldn’t hurt anyone. You’re just not that sort of man.” She flattened her hand against his chest, lightly stroking the linen of his shirt. Her voice softened as she met his gaze.

“If you were, I wouldn’t love you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

He stared at her in silence, his expression inscrutable. If it weren’t for his heartbeat pounding hard against her palm, Lucy might have mistaken him for stone.

Or ice.

“It’s freezing in here.” She kicked the door shut and leaned against it. If he planned on going anywhere, he’d have to get through her first.

“You’re wrong,” he said. His voice vibrated through her palm, sending shivers up her arm to curl around her neck.

“No, I’m not. It’s cold as Hades. Look.” She huffed a breath into the space between them. It swirled into frosty vapor.

“You’re wrong aboutme.”

“Oh. Well, I’m not wrong about that, either.”

He shook his head. “Don’t make me out to be kind, or generous, or anything approaching good. Of all people, you should know better. In all my life, marrying you was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. I told your brother, I told myself—I wanted to protect you. Take care of you.” His voice lowered as he closed the distance between them. “I lied.”

His flinty gaze roamed over her face, her body. Hot breath tickled her ear as he leaned in close. “I wanted you. More than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life. I wanted you so much, I couldn’t see straight. Couldn’t sleep at night.”

His voice shook, and Lucy trembled along with it. She sank against the door, borrowing its strength.

“I knew you wanted to marry for love. But I wanted you, and I didn’t care. And tonight,” he whispered fiercely, running a finger down her throat. “I’ve wanted you like that ever since that afternoon in the orchard. I wanted to press you up against that tree and spread your legs and rut with you like an animal. So tonight I took you, and I hurt you, and I didn’t care.”

His finger stroked down into the valley between her br**sts. Lucy sucked in her breath. He pulled his hand away, made a fist, and slammed it against the door behind her. The force of the blow rattled her teeth.

“So don’t make me out to be a good man. I’m an addle-brained brute, just like you said. I’ve hurt you inside and out, and don’t you dare love me.” He pounded the door again. “Don’t you dare.”

He fixed her with a burning gaze. Lucy was grateful for the door behind her holding her up, because without it her knees would surely buckle. She couldn’t let him see. She couldn’t fall to pieces, because he needed her to be whole.

“Oh, Jeremy. You know I can’t back down from a dare.” Forcing her lips into a half-smile, she reached up to smooth a lock of hair from his brow. He closed his eyes for a moment, and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. She longed to fall into him and press her lips against it, but she settled for cupping his cheek in her palm.

“I love you, Jeremy. And the only way you could hurt me is to walk out that door and leave.”

He straightened. His hand shot to hers where it cradled his cheek. “The only way I could hurt you?” He pulled her hand away and turned it over between them. Lucy looked down. Bruises covered the skin of her wrist. “Look,” he said gruffly, giving her arm a shake. “Look at how I’ve hurt you.”

She looked up at him, eyebrows raised. “I’d imagine the back of your neck doesn’t look too pretty, either.” When his face didn’t soften, she said, “Jeremy, they’re just a few bruises. I’ve suffered far worse from falling out of a tree, much less being loved against one.”

His pale blue eyes were chips of ice. Lucy shook her head slowly. “You’ve been trying to frighten me away with that glare for years now, Jeremy. It’s never going to work. You think I didn’t know that there was something beneath that cool surface? Of course I knew. I always have, in some way, or else I wouldn’t have been forever provoking you to get at it.”