Goddess of Legend (Goddess Summoning #7)(72)

"She . . . made me very aware that I was letting you down. I was letting Camelot and its people down by shirking my duties."

"Do you feel she overstepped her bounds?"

"Yes. I mean no." She shook her head. "She appears to be the only one brave enough to tell me some truths I needed to hear."

Arthur peered at her. "I could swear there is a veiled insult toward me in there somewhere, but as you have just recovered from a nasty poisoning, I will overlook it."

"No, no, 'twas not meant as one at all. You are trusting, Arthur. If I tell you I am still not feeling well, you will accept it to be so."

"Why the ruse, Gwen? What was there to gain?"

She stared down at her hands. "Perhaps to gain your attention."

"You did not have to feign illness, Gwen. You have but to ask."

"I am asking."

"And at this moment," he said, rising and moving to the door, closing it, "you have my undivided attention." He returned to his desk and sat. "What is on your mind?"

"You have been a wonderful husband, Arthur. Loving and attentive, patient as I learned the ways of the crown. You have been nothing but good to me."

"I am very glad you think so."

"And I repaid that with a betrayal that I regret deeply. If I were able to turn back time - "

"'Twould have changed nothing. It was fate that you and Lance fall in love. I could no more prevent that from happening than I can prevent rain or snow."

"We could - "

"No," he interrupted, "we cannot. You are still in love with Lance, as he is with you. Desperately so, as a matter of fact. Should you deny that now I will lose what little respect I have left for you. Not to mention I will never forgive you should you shatter Lance's heart. I do not blame him. I blame you not, either." He raised his hands and shrugged. "It just happened, Gwen. But that young man means a great deal to me, and I will look very poorly upon anyone who would harm him in any way."

"So you still care about him but not your wife?"

"Gwen, if I did not care, you would be answering to a charge of treason right now. As I have said to you, too many times to count, I do not care what you and Lance do. I care only that you not be caught by any person who would have no trouble accusing you of crimes against the king. Right now there is no legal remedy here in Camelot for the predicament we find ourselves in. Although I am looking very seriously into a system they have in Dumont, where they may call for dissolution of marriage where neither man nor wife must admit to blame. I believe Countess Isabel calls it 'no-fault dissolution.' "

"You have discussed the intimate details of our situation with the countess?"

"I admit that I have."

"How dare you?"

"I dare, Guinevere, because I trust her. I trust her thoughts and opinions."

She covered her flaming cheeks. "I am so . . . mortified that you shared something so personal with a virtual stranger."

"She is no stranger. Whilst you were lying in bed, feigning illness, she has become a friend and colleague."

Gwen stared at him and the truth cut deeply. "You have fallen in love with her."

He hesitated only a moment before nodding. "That, yes, is true."

"Does she realize?"

"I have a fair feeling that she is well aware, yes."

"Does she . . . return your feelings for her?"

"I desperately hope that she does."

"How dare you . . . shame me like this? How dare she come as a welcome guest only to - "

He pounded a fist on his desk, and the fire in his eyes had her shrinking back in her chair. "I dare you to finish that thought, Gwen. I dare you to logically finish that thought."

She kept silent as he leaned forward, drilling her with his gaze. "What happened with Isabel was not planned or expected. Just as with you and Lance, it was fated to be. Would I change it if I could, as you seem to want to dismiss history? Not one chance in Hades. Other than that pesky problem that I am not free to ask her to marry me, I would not change a single thing."

In the past, tears had always melted Arthur's heart. Gwen knew they no longer had the power to move him. At least not her own tears. I will not cry. I will not cry.

"If not for what happened with Lance ..."

"But it did."

"But if it did not?"

"Isabel would merely be another royal guest. Is that what you want to hear? That I would ne'er have betrayed my vows? If so, you would be right. I would most likely have looked upon her as another fresh mind to add to the mix of those who will gather here to meet and exchange ideas. But I already knew, Gwen. I already had my heart broken by you. When I saw her, I recognized that I had gotten over the heartbreak. And I felt free to want another."

"I see."

"I have no desire to hurt you, Gwen. This is not some kind of revenge. Had you not asked, I would not have said a word, as it is no one's business but mine and Isabel's. But you asked. And as you know, I value truth. And you deserve as much."

She took a breath and squared her shoulders. "I realize my next question will sound selfish and self-serving, Arthur, but I must ask. Should there come a time when we are able to accomplish this no-fault, what will happen to me? What will happen to Lance?"