Giving In (Surrender Trilogy #2)(73)

She’d wear bruises tomorrow. Marks that he’d put there.

He would never forgive himself for this.

“I’m okay,” Kylie whispered.

Her hoarse words jerked him to awareness, away from the blackness of his thoughts.

He loosened his hold on her and pulled away, not meeting her gaze. He couldn’t. There was nothing to say, no apology sincere enough for what he’d done. No way for him to make this right.

“I’ll pack your things and then I’ll take you home,” he said gruffly.

Kylie flinched and her head flew up so he could see her wide, frightened eyes. Only now confusion had replaced the fear and uncertainty.

“What?” she whispered.

He winced every time she spoke. She could barely talk in a loud enough tone for him to hear.

“I’m taking you home,” he said, his gaze sliding away from her. He couldn’t sit here and look at what he’d lost. Couldn’t face what he’d done. It was a knife to his heart.

“I don’t understand.”

Her voice trembled and tears crowded her eyes, making them go glossy and wet.

“We can’t be together, Kylie.”

He hadn’t meant the words to come out so forcefully. Or with such heat. But he was dying slowly, with every breath. All his pain came out in those damning words.

“You’re giving up on us?”

The hurt in her voice poured more salt on his exposed wound.

“I love you, Jensen. And you’re just quitting? Just like that?”

“Goddamn it, Kylie. Look at what I did,” he all but roared. “How can you even consider being with a man like me? I could have killed you—I tried to kill you.”

“It was a dream,” she said. “You didn’t mean it.”

Bile rose in his throat. God, she was trying to rationalize his behavior. His thoughts went to the woman he and Kylie had seen in the parking lot the other night. How she’d explained away her husband or boyfriend’s actions. And now Kylie was doing the same thing for him.

He wouldn’t allow it. She deserved better than him.

“Listen to yourself, Kylie,” he said in a cold voice. “Listen to you explain away my abuse. How you rationalize it. Get dressed while I get your stuff together. I’ll take you home tonight.”

“You said you loved me,” Kylie whispered, tears running down her cheeks. “You promised . . .”

“Yeah, what did I promise?” Jensen demanded. “I promised never to hurt you.”

Kylie turned away, presenting her shoulder to him. A shoulder that heaved with her quiet sobs as she began to dress.

It took Jensen half an hour to pack up all of Kylie’s belongings. He shoved them into the trunk of his car and then went back for Kylie, who was now sitting on the sofa in the living room.

Her face was pale, her eyes red and ravaged by tears. Her hair was in disarray, tousled not only from sleep but from what he’d done. His fingerprints shone on her neck, a stark reminder of how close he’d come to killing her.

“Let’s go,” he said shortly.

Kylie rose shakily on her feet. She still wouldn’t look at him, something he was glad for. He had enough regret for both of them.

He got into the driver’s seat as she slid in on the passenger side. The drive to her house was silent, the quiet oppressive and stifling. With every minute that ticked by his sorrow and self-loathing grew until he was certain he would be consumed with it.

He finally pulled into Kylie’s driveway. He got out and headed to his trunk to retrieve all of her things. Stuff she’d brought to his house. Stuff he’d gotten used to being strewn all over his house.

He set everything inside her door, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. When he turned to go back to his car he nearly collided with Kylie. He put his hands on her shoulders to steady her and she wrenched herself from his grasp.

With a sigh, he headed toward his car, turning his back on her for good.

“I would have never given up on us like you’re doing,” she called out.

He stopped in his tracks, the accusation halting him.

“Don’t do this, Kylie. Don’t make it even harder than this is.”

“I love you,” she choked out.

He closed his eyes as his wounds began to bleed all over again. “I love you too, Kylie, and that’s why I have to go.”

He fled toward his car, not waiting for her response. He couldn’t take any more. He had to get away before he completely fell apart.

The drive home was a blur. Images of Kylie with his hand wrapped around her neck bombarded him left and right until he was dizzy. The huge knot in his gut grew.

He’d never love another woman. Not the way he loved Kylie.

As soon as he pulled into his driveway, he threw open the door, bolted out and heaved his guts all over the front yard.

TWENTY-SEVEN

KYLIE watched the sun creep over the horizon as she sat in a chair on her back deck, wrapped in a blanket. It was plenty warm, and yet a bone-deep chill had settled in. She had the fleeting thought that she might never be warm again.

Jensen gave her warmth with his smiles, his tenderness, his love. And now it and he were gone.

She wished she could muster the emotional strength to hate him. But all she could see was the desolation and horror in his eyes. The loathing and self-recrimination for what he’d done.