Give Me Tonight(76)

She thought of an old man, ragged and alone, stand­ing in the rain. "Yes," she whispered, and reached for him, needing to remove all distance between them. She struggled to free the last inner stronghold. The words I love you were caught in her throat, begging to be released. She wanted to tell him, wanted to show him that she, too, loved him with the same sureness he had displayed. And yet that last bit of her heart could not be given. He didn't seem to notice her fail­ure, but Addie was all too aware, and she tried to make up for it with the generous response of her body.

His mouth crushed hers in a kiss that sent excite­ment crashing through her, and all rational thought dissolved in a deluge of ecstasy. He took her with de­vouring passion, allowing no respite, no relief, thrust­ing into her as if his hunger would never be sated. His mouth played ceaselessly on hers, smothering her gasps into barely audible sounds. She relinquished herself to his possession, finally understanding how incomplete she was without him. Deliberately he urged her into a new plane of sensation, where self­consciousness was stripped away and she was left un­disguised from him. With an incoherent murmur she twined her arms around him and matched his fire with her own.

Addie stirred only a little when he left her, too ex­hausted to take notice of the last kiss, the last caress, before she was alone again. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed before she heard voices down­stairs. Daybreak arrived and light splashed through the windows of her room. She buried her head underneath a pillow, groping for a few minutes of sleep, and her body went limp.

She awoke with a strange sense of dread, noticing the light in the room had changed, darker now, tinged instead with smoky blue. Lazily she rolled back, blinking the drowsiness away, stifling a yawn. The sounds of women's voices downstairs had disappeared, as well as the sounds of men working and dogs barking outside. Everything was still. And then she heard the muted chug-chug of an automobile, and tires skim­ming a paved street.

Addie scrambled out from under the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes wide. The bedroom was blue and white. There was an electric lamp in the corner. She stared at the poster on the wall, at Ru­dolph Valentino's slicked-black hair and smoldering eyes. She felt as if she would suffocate.

"No. No, don't let this be happening to me."

Standing up unsteadily, Addie went to the door and tried to turn the knob. It was Iocked. "Let me out," she said, although there was no one to hear her, and she pulled harder at the doorknob. "Let me out!" Her voice was shrill with panic. "Ben, where are you? Ben! Ben-"

She jerked awake with a muffled sound, her heart pounding high in her throat. Trembling, she looked around at the pink-and-white bedroom and stumbled out of bed, going to the middle of the floor and turning around. It was all here. Her shoulders and spine re­laxed. She went to the mirror and looked at her own chalk-white face, at the na**d fear that still lingered there. It had only been a dream.

"I belong here," she said out loud, her voice shak­ing. "I belong here and I won't go back. I won't. " The brown eyes that stared back at her were full of desperation and doubt.

"Ahh . . . here comes the sleepyhead," Caroline said affectionately as soon as Addie came downstairs. Addie smiled wanly, sitting in her chair at the table. May poured her coffee and fussed over her, and a sense of comfort and ease began to steal over her.

"You did sleep late this mornin'," May said with a smile. "Did you have a good night?"     

"I . . . I . . . What do you mean?" Addie asked nervously.

"Well, we've spent the last few days at the Fanins'. It certainly is nice to be back in your own bed, isn't it?"

"It's wonderful to be back in mine," Caroline re­marked, putting a hand to her back. "Those beds at the Fanins' were so hard. These days I can hardly find a comfortable position to sleep in."

Addie regarded her sympathetically. "Poor Caro. But I al-most envy you, looking forward to having a baby to take care of and love."

"They're somethin' to envy when they belong to someone else," came the wry response. "It's only when you have one of your own that you understand what trouble they are. And this one is givin' me more trouble than Leah did. Or maybe it's just that I'm older. "

"Thirty isn't old at all."

"Tell that to Peter." Caroline smiled faintly. "I think he's gettin' ready to put me out to pasture."

"What do you mean?"

Caroline's smile disappeared. "Oh, nothin'. Just makin' noise."

"I don't understand-"

"You'll understand many things when you get married," May interrupted gently. "Includin' some of the little discomforts and worries a woman has to face."

"But it would be wonderful with the right person," Addie said dreamily, resisting the temptation of look­ing to see May's reaction as she spoke. "I can't wait to be married. "

"And just who is it you're plannin' on marryin'?"

"Oh . . . no one right now." Addie interjected just the right amount of confusion in her voice. The subject was dropped, but May's eyes remained on her, watch­ing her warily all morning.

8

RUSSELL LIKED TO GRUMBLE LOUDLY ON THE EVE­nings when he worked in his office. The sounds of his counting and frustrated exclamations penetrated the walls and wafted down the hallway, clearly audible in the parlor where May, Caroline, and Addie did nee­dlework. May and Caroline mended clothes while Ad­die embroidered the border of a pillowcase.