From a Buick 8(115)

Lookie-loos had started showing up by then, slowing to stare at what lay facedown on the bridge's narrow walkway. I think one ass**le actually took a picture. I wanted to run after him and stuff his shitty little disposable camera down his throat.

'Get some detour signs up,' I told Phil. 'You and Carl. Send the traffic around by County Road. I'll cover him up. Jesus, what a mess! Jesus! Who's gonna tell his mother?'

Phil wouldn't look at me. We both knew who was going to tell his mother. Later that day I bit the bullet and did the worst job that comes with the big chair. Afterward I went down to The Country Way with Shirley, Huddie, Phil, and George Stankowski. I don't know about them, but I myself didn't pass go or collect two hundred dollars; old Sandy went directly to shitfaced.

I only have two clear memories of that night. The first is of trying to explain to Shirley how weird The Country Way's jukeboxes were, how all the songs were the very ones you never thought of anymore until you saw their names again here. She didn't get it.

My other memory is of going into the bathroom to throw up. After, while I was splashing cold water on my face, I looked at myself in one of the wavery steel mirrors. And I knew for sure that the getting-to-be-old face I saw looking back at me was no mistake. The mistake was believing that the twenty-five-year-old guy who seemed to live in my brain was real.

I remembered Huddie shouting Sandy, grab my hand! and then the two of us, Ned and I, had spilled out on to the pavement, safe with the rest of them. Thinking of that, I began to cry.

Died unexpectedly, that shit is all right for the County American, but cops know the truth. We clean up the messes and we always know the truth.

Everyone not on duty went to the funeral, of course. He'd been one of us. When it was over, George Stankowski gave his mother and his two sisters a ride home and I drove back to the barracks with Shirley. I asked her if she was going to the reception ? what you call a wake, I guess, if you're Irish ? and she shook her head. 'I hate those things.'

So we had a final cigarette out on the smokers' bench, idly watching the young Trooper who was looking in at the Buick. He stood in that same legs-apart, goddam-the-Democrats, didya-hear-the-one-about-the-traveling-salesman pose that we all assumed when we looked into Shed B. The century had changed, but everything else was more or less the same.

'It's so unfair,' Shirley said. 'A young man like that ? '

'What are you talking about?' I asked her. 'Eddie J. was in his late forties, for God's sake . . . maybe even fifty. I think his sisters are both in their sixties. His mother's almost eighty!'

'You know what I mean. He was too young to do that.'

'So was George Morgan,' I said.

'Was it . . . ?' She nodded toward Shed B.

'I don't think so. Just his life. He made an honest effort to get sober, busted his ass. This was right after he bought Curt's old Bel Aire from Ned. Eddie always liked that car, you know, and Ned couldn't have it at Pitt anyway, not as a freshman. It would've just been sitting there in his driveway ? '

' ?  and Ned needed the money.'

'Going off to college from a single-parent home? Every penny. So when Eddie asked him, he said okay, sure. Eddie paid thirty-five hundred dollars ? '

'Thirty-two,' Shirley said with the assurance of one who really knows.

'Thirty-two, thirty-five, whatever. The point is, I think Eddie saw getting it as a new leaf he was supposed to turn over. He quit going to The Tap; I think he started going to AA meetings instead. That was the good part. For Eddie, the good part lasted about two years.'

Across the parking lot, the Trooper who'd been looking into Shed B turned, spotted us, and began walking in our direction. I felt the skin on my arms prickle. In the gray uniform the boy ? only he wasn't a boy any longer, not really ? looked strikingly like his dead father. Nothing strange about that, I suppose; it's simple genetics, a correspondence that runs in the blood. What made it eerie was the big hat. He had it in his hands and was turning it over and over.

'Eddie fell off the wagon right around the time that one there decided he wasn't cut out for college,' I said.

Ned Wilcox left Pitt and came home to Statler. For a year he'd done Arky's job, Arky by then having retired and moved back to Michigan, where everyone no doubt sounded just like him (a scary thought). When he turned twenty-one, Ned made the application and took the tests. Now, at twenty-two, here he was. Hello, rookie.

Halfway across the parking lot, Curt's boy paused to look back at the shed, still twirling his Stetson in his hands.

'He looks good, doesn't he?' Shirley murmured.

I put on my Old Sarge face ? a little aloof, a little disdainful. 'Relatively squared away. Shirley, do you have any idea how much bright red dickens his ma raised when she finally found out what he had in mind?'

Shirley laughed and put out her cigarette. 'She raised more when she found out he was planning to sell his dad's Bel Aire to Eddie Jacubois ? at least that's what Ned told me. I mean, c'mon, Sandy, she had to know it was coming. Had to. She was married to one, for God's sake. And she probably knew this was where he belonged. Eddie, though, where did he belong? Why couldn't he just stop drinking? Once and for all?'

'That's a question for the ages,' I said. 'They say it's a disease, like cancer or diabetes. Maybe they're right.'