Freak Show (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #7)(81)

“You’ll be my maid of honor, right?”

Her hopeful request made it hard to swallow. Emotion choked me. “Yeah, of course I will.”

Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and I blinked them away. This was so good for her. I squashed the tiny thread of envy that wove its way through me. I was genuinely happy for her.

After I hung up, I dragged my gaze back to Kale’s.

He nodded and forced a tight smile. “Kylarai’s getting married. How wonderful for her. She’s the kindest soul I’ve ever met. I hope they find much happiness together.” There was no lie in him. Despite their very brief fling, Kale had always hoped Ky would find the man she belonged with.

“Yeah, me too.”

“I guess some people get their happy ending after all.”

His comment struck too close to home. This was not a conversation I wanted to be having. “I want to renovate,” I said, hoping to change the subject. “This place needed work before you trashed it. So we might as well take advantage of the mess and turn it into something better.”

Kale smirked openly. “You saw the Vegas club and felt inferior, huh? That’s ok. I get it. I’ve seen it. So, what did you have in mind?”

“I don’t feel inferior to the Vegas vampires,” I said hotly, my cheeks flushed. “I just think the place needs a makeover. Will you help?”

The weight of his brown and blue gaze was heavy as he considered my request. He stared at me until I grew twitchy. “Sure. Why not?”

I shielded hard against the onslaught of energy seeping from him. It was too tempting. He gave off a hungry vibe, one that made me wonder if he’d been feeding. Someone as mentally fragile as him was dangerous enough when well fed. If he denied himself too long, he could be absolutely deadly.

“Good. We can start with the club and work our way back here. That should keep you busy.” I walked around the room to put some distance between us. I didn’t like the way he was watching me.

“Right. Because keeping me busy will change things.” Something in his tone set my skin to crawling. I looked at him sharply. He was still leaning in the doorframe, casual and calm, but there was something malevolent lurking beneath the surface.

“I’ve had the worst week ever. The last thing I need is to come home to your crazy ass spewing ugly promises. Can’t you let it go?” I was tired of vampires and their personal vendettas. Was it really so impossible for them to let go of a grudge?

“Let it go?” He repeated. His shoulders stiffened despite his relaxed pose. “You’ve made a slave of me, and you want me to just get over it? That’s not how this works, Alexa.”

“Evidently.” I sighed. “Kale, please, you have to understand that I would never have intentionally done anything to hurt you. Things are happening, big things that I can’t control. I need you with me, not against me.”

“Well, if the queen needs something, then who am I to deny her?” Bitterness laced his words. Emotion stormed him, a conflict of feelings that battered my shields.

I shook my head, his name a whisper on my lips. “What can I do to change this vengeful need you have? We were friends once. Partners.”

“We were lovers too. Once. For a brief moment.” His gaze dropped, and he stared at the floor. “I’m sorry it is the way it is. You claimed me. You drew me in, and you made me yours. It was purely intentional, and we both know it. There is no changing something like that. It is what it is.”

I couldn’t dispute his claim. I had done exactly what he said. The worst part? I didn’t regret it. Not really. This selfish little part of me wanted Kale to be mine in whatever way I could have him. Of the two of us, I was the worst monster. “You’re right.” I relented, leaning against the wall opposite him. “I’m a selfish bitch as far as you’re concerned, Kale. And I don’t know why.”

His head came up suddenly, and he fixed me with a stare so intense it made me uneasy. “You know why. You will probably never admit it to either of us, but you know why.” A bark of hostile laughter racked him. “Arys must just f**king love that you want me as bad as I want you.”

Ignoring that last jab, I tried to push the conversation to a conclusion. “So that’s it then? You carry on this game of crazy vampire until I get sick of it and stake you?”

“Something like that.”

“I don’t understand why.”

“Don’t you? Think about it. Think about belonging to someone with every part of your being. Think about needing someone so bad, and never being able to have them.” There was pain in his eyes, quickly replaced by rage. He was so very unstable. “There is no moving on for our kind. Humans are gifted with short-term memories and fickle hearts. But us, when we love, it is always forever.”

His declaration stole my breath as an ill sensation developed in my gut. His reference to our kind, as if I were already vampire, chilled me to the bone. I imagined having to watch Arys bond with someone else while I remained his always, and I knew that whatever Kale was going through, I would never understand.

An apology wasn’t going to cut it, not for something like this. Sorry would be a greater insult than silence. So I said nothing. After the silence grew unbearable, I gathered myself and left the room. Kale moved aside to let me pass.

It hurt me to know how much I was hurting him. What hurt most of all was knowing I could do nothing to change it, nothing to save him. Only death would bring him relief. And that, I could not give him.