Freak Show (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #7)(68)

“Are you sure?” I asked again when the door closed. My breath came faster as anticipation thrilled through me.

Shaz laughed and threw a pillow at my head. “Yes, dammit. I know you want to shelter me from this side of you, but you can’t.” He grew serious, giving me a look filled with wisdom well beyond his years. “I devoted myself to you long ago, Lex. At the time, I was living in a fantasy, thinking we would have this Hollywood happily ever after. I know now that it can’t be that way. It can’t change how I feel about you though. Nothing can. Not even Arys.”

“You should sit down,” I said, a lump in my throat. “There are a few things you need to know.” I proceeded to tell him everything I had learned in his absence. From the potential loss of my wolf to the foretold future of my death at Arys’s hand, I told Shaz everything. Some of it was hard to say and even harder to hear. When I finished, he sat there on the end of the bed in silence. We stared at one another until I was ready to shout at him to say something.

Finally, he did. “If you think any of that is going to scare me off, then you don’t know me very well. I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not even if you lose your wolf.”

“And if I’m only vampire? What then?” I challenged. “You can’t give up your future for me, Shaz. You deserve to be loved by someone who isn’t bound to another. You deserve better than me.”

His mouth opened in thoughtful wonder, and he nodded knowingly. “Ah, I get it. This is about you chasing me off, setting me free or whatever term you’re using to rationalize it. You think I can’t love you because of Arys. Actually, I love you in spite of him.” Shaz leaned back on the bed and tilted his head to expose his neck, offering it up to me. “I trust that we love each other because we’re meant to. I don’t need any more than that.”

My gaze fixated on the steady pulse pumping beneath his smooth skin. I didn’t know why I felt this deep-rooted need to drive him away, to set him free, as he’d said. Especially considering how terribly I’d missed him when he was gone. We had already hurt one another too much. I couldn’t be the bringer of anymore of his pain.

“You should need more than that.” My voice barely squeaked out. “I can’t give you a monogamous, picket fence life.”

A flicker of sadness crossed his jade eyes. Then it was gone, blinked away by the wolf looking out at me. “I know.”

I crossed the distance between us without hesitation. Climbing onto his lap, I captured his face between my hands and kissed him. The unspoken bond between us grew stronger. We didn’t live a life that allowed us to plan for the future. We had to be grateful for this moment right now. It was a tough lesson, but one I was learning.

It had been too long. Too long since I’d touched him. Too long since I’d felt him between my legs. I was taking what he was offering and throwing caution to the wind while doing so. Tasting him kicked my bloodlust into overdrive. I tugged his shirt up over his head and tossed it, wondering where he’d gotten fresh clothes. For that matter, I wasn’t even sure it was the same day as our escape. Dragging my hands over his warm skin, I reveled in the way his smell teased my senses. Our kiss was wild, passionate and hungry. It had been a few months since we’d been intimate. It felt like forever.

I nipped at his lips and tongue, drawing out the moment when I would shed his blood. For once, my wolf was perfectly content with the vampire hunger commanding me. In this moment, both sides of me found satisfaction.

Shaz ran his hands up my side, sliding my top up and off. He buried his face in my neck, and I took the opportunity to run my hands through his soft platinum hair. A sigh was the only sound.

With a hand in his hair, I jerked his head back and forced him to meet my eyes. I needed to see the desire burning in him for me. When Shaz had been away, I had let myself imagine this moment, our first time together after so much shit had gone down between us. In my fantasy, it was slow and tender. But this hurried, desperate need for one another, it was so much better.

The sound of his heartbeat quickening had me licking my lips in excitement. We moved in synch, shedding the last of our clothing. When I straddled him, naked, feeling his arousal pressed against me, I could have wept from the solace my wolf knew at last.

There was no hesitation, not so much as a moment of pause. He slipped inside me as I simultaneously went for his neck. Heady wolf blood spurted into my mouth. I moaned in bliss as I took him into me in so many ways.

Carnal and wild, we moved together. Hands on my hips, Shaz guided me. I licked and sucked at the bleeding bite wound. Drinking in the satisfying rush of erotic energy, I feasted on his body and blood.

With a low growl, Shaz flipped us over so I lay beneath him. This was where we paused. He gazed down at me with gorgeous wolf eyes. I smiled.

He thrust into me with the fierceness of the wolf claiming its mate. I raised my hips, matching his rhythm, taking him deep within me. Blood trickled down his neck, and I captured it with my tongue.

The sound of Shaz’s low moans in my ear brought me closer to the edge. Knowing he still wanted me after everything was a comfort that I didn’t know I needed quite so bad. The past few months had been more difficult than I wanted to admit. Part of me had been afraid we wouldn’t be able to do this again; however, no ugly past memories surfaced to ruin it. My senses were on fire for Shaz. The way he smelled, the way he felt, he consumed me.