Fractured (Lucian & Lia #2)(52)
“I…er…no,” she moans as I push one finger inside her snug passage.
“What reason did you give him then?” I bite off a chuckle as she gives me a snort of impatience. Her hips push back against my hand, trying to force me deeper. She is clearly tired of my idle conversation and my teasing finger, which hasn’t fully penetrated her yet. “Answer the question,” I say, smacking her ass to get her attention.
“Ouch!” she yells, but I hear her breathing catch as fresh moisture flows onto my hand. “I didn’t tell him what I needed!” she snaps. “I know he could tell I was embarrassed, so he probably assumed it was for…personal products.”
“Good girl.” I praise her patience as I remove my finger. She is in the middle of protesting when I line my cock up with her opening and bury myself to the hilt inside her, my balls slapping against her ass. I work my body over hers, holding my full weight from her on my arms. My chest rests against her back and my groin is on top of her ass. The position is gritty, erotic, and dominant—all of the things I love.
“Luc!” she shudders, as her body struggles to accommodate me. I still for a moment, buried deep inside her as she adjusts. When her hips start to circle, I pull out almost completely before surging back in. She’s so tight and wet her body makes a sucking noise as if trying to hold me inside as I thrust repeatedly. “Luc…Oh, God, yes!” she moans. It sends me over the edge when she says my name in that high, breathy way. I’ve joked before that she only calls me Luc when she’s coming, and that’s exactly what she’s doing now. Her body is beginning to spasm, and I’m lost. She wrings my cock dry as I explode inside her. In that moment, I hate the f*cking condom that keeps me from bathing her * in my cum. It’s the basest of needs to stake my claim, even though no one but me would know.
I wrap one arm around her waist and roll us both off the treadmill and to the side. I sit her aside for a moment to dispose of the condom in my bathroom trashcan before returning to the floor. I put my back against the wall and she sits in my lap, my cock now at half-mast against her hip. She feels boneless against me as our hearts race in tandem before slowing. “You okay?” I ask as I slowly stroke my hand up and down her arm. I smile against the top of her head as goose bumps cover the skin I touch. No matter how many times we’re together, our reaction to each other never lessens. After coming twice, I could be ready to go again with just a look or touch from her.
“I’m great,” she answers, snuggling further into my chest. I’ve never been much of a cuddler, but I love holding her. In moments such as this, I can almost believe that nothing will ever come between us. While she’s relaxed and content, I decide to dig deeper. I’m worried about how she’s dealing with everything that’s happened to her. She seems to have turned a corner almost overnight, and truthfully, even though I’m happy, it also unsettles me to think that maybe she’s trying to bury what happened to her instead of confronting it. I know that it’s completely f*cked-up on my part to try to push her to deal with her trauma when I’ve done nothing for eight years but run from mine. I just can’t stand for her to let it all fester, though, and end up eating away at her day-by-day as mine has. “Are you really okay?” She freezes against me and know she understands my question has nothing to do with where she is in this moment.
“I…I’m fine, Lucian,” she laughs, but it’s devoid of humor. “How could I not be after that?” she asks, trying to deflect the question.
“I’m just worried about you. You were so depressed after we came home from the hospital, but the last few days you’ve been almost your usual self again. I don’t want you to feel as if you have to pretend with me. I’m here for you. Anything you need, baby, I’ve got you.”
She pulls away both physically and emotionally, and I let her. What right do I have to force her to open herself up to me when I haven’t done the same with her? She is almost out of my lap when suddenly she stops. I sit quietly, waiting to see what she’s going to do. I continue to stay quiet when she drops back into my lap. My arms automatically come back around her. “You know when I told you how I hated hearing people at the hospital tell me I was so lucky I survived and wasn’t raped?”
My gut clenches, but I keep my voice level as I say, “I remember.”
“The thing is, this last attack was more unexpected and violent, which was harder for me to get over, but…this is my normal, Lucian. It wasn’t the first time he put his hands on me. That he touched me that way. As sick as it is, I’m not as messed-up as I should be because I long ago learned that it was something I had to lock away in order to live my life. If I didn’t, the shame and humiliation would kill me. I’d crawl into myself and never come back out. Therefore, as much as I never wanted to tell you this or admit it to you, I’m okay because I long ago accepted that I had to be. Otherwise, he wins every time, and that is something I cannot live with, even now. I hate him. I f*cking hate that he gets to breathe the same air I do. But even though he’s brought me down time and again, he hasn’t kept me down. I’ll never let him have the satisfaction of doing that to me. Maybe that makes me a coward for accepting what I’ve never been able to change, but it’s how I’m still here.”
“Oh, baby.” I pull her closer, once again feeling awed at her strength and destroyed at what she’s gone through. “Don’t ever think of yourself as a coward. There isn’t a weak bone in your body. You are an amazing woman, and I…”