Fractured (Lucian & Lia #2)(29)

I draw back slightly and he automatically loosens his hold, thinking I’m pulling away. Instead, I go up onto my tiptoes and press my lips to his. His arms tighten, and he groans. The kiss is gentle and I pour all the love I feel for him into it. When our lips finally part, he lays his forehead against mine. “I’ve missed you,” I admit, trying to convey so much into so few words.

He looks into my eyes as if he can see directly into my soul before saying, “I’m here, baby. I never left. I’m right here waiting for you whenever you’re ready to come back to me.”

Then it happens. The words flow from my mouth and my heart before I can stop them. “Oh, Luc, I love you.” His eyes widen and I feel him catch his breath. Even as the words hover in the air between us, I don’t regret them. The need to tell him how I feel has been choking me. The thing that surprises me the most about the moment, though, is that he hasn’t pulled away. He is still looking at me, as if trying to gauge the truth behind my words. I wordlessly cup the side of his face in my hand, letting him know it’s okay that he can’t say the words back. When I began to pull away, thinking it will be easier for him if I do, he tightens his hold on me before moving his hands from my back and curving them around my neck, holding me immobile.

“I want to give that to you, baby, I really do.” Looking tormented, he says raggedly, “I lose the people I love, though, and I…God, I can’t lose you, too.”

“Luc,” I whisper brokenly as I choke back a sob. “You won’t lose me,” I try to reassure him. It’s obvious from the rigid set of his jaw and the shadows in his eyes that my attack has been harder on him than I imagined. Even though I was the one hurt physically, we both bear the scars of the last few weeks. I turn my head and kiss the side of his arm. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

He shudders, seeming as emotionally invested in our conversation as I am. “Just give me time, Lia, and know that when I can say the words again, it will be you and only you who will hear them. I’m not going anywhere, either. I’m committed to you.” We kiss tenderly for a few moments before he finally releases my neck and takes my hand. My stomach growls loudly in the quiet room, making it impossible to miss. Lucian smirks at me, raising both of our hands to kiss my fingers. “Let’s find my girl some food,” he teases, looking so impossibly relaxed and handsome. I feel a twinge of desire inside which takes me by surprise. I was afraid I would never enjoy that simple pleasure again, but I should have known that no amount of ugliness could ever take away my body’s reaction to him. I didn’t truly start living until I met him, and my heart and body will always respond when he is near because he owns them both.

Chapter Eight

Lucian

I walk down the familiar streets of my neighborhood feeling lighter than I have since before Lia’s attack. Just doing something so normal feels better than I could have imagined. Lia is tucked under my arm while I twirl a strand of her blonde hair around my finger. I could tell earlier when she suggested having dinner out tonight that she regretted it almost as soon as she spoke the words. She has shown no interest in leaving the apartment since we arrived home from the hospital. She’s spent the majority of her time either in the bed, or curled up on the couch pretending to watch television while she actually stares off into space.

When I admitted as much to my aunt, she again suggested counseling and possibly medication. It’s not that I’m opposed to either in principle, but I remember well that neither seemed to help Cassie through her erratic years of highs and lows.

When I found her in the shower earlier with blood on her hands and stomach, I was hit with a crippling sense of déjà vu. Spots danced before my eyes and I was damn close to a panic attack at the very least and having a f*cking heart attack at the worst. Thank Heaven I had been able to get myself together and take care of her. For just a split second, I’d thought she had cut her wrists or something equally as bad.

I’d almost called my aunt then, feeling lost as to how to help the woman who had become my world. Losing her would shatter me, and this time, I don’t think I could put myself back together again.

While I was quietly panicking and trying to keep my mind occupied with taking care of her, though, something happened which maybe we both had been needing. We talked to each other for the first time in days. She told me how she had been feeling since her attack, and I listened in shock as she gave voice to her fears that I no longer wanted her physically.

I wanted to slump over in relief because I had been experiencing the same fear—that Lia no longer wanted what we had had before her stepfather got his vile hands on her. Our talk had continued before we left for dinner when Lia had admitted she loves me. A part of me wanted to run when the words left her mouth. But the other part had needed to hear them again, since the first time she said them in the hospital and I hadn’t been sure she even knew it because of the medication she was on. If I were honest with myself, my heart had soaked up her declaration like a flower seeing the sun for the first time in years. I was afraid, though, to give those three words back to her. I’m afraid to move forward and terrified of losing her if I don’t.

The past and all of the secrets festering there are getting to be too much to bear. I cracked yesterday morning and snorted a line of my white powder of denial. I was coming apart at the seams over everything that had happened to Lia, my fear of losing her, and pressure from Lee Jacks wanting to talk to his daughter. The daughter who had no clue he existed. I had given up the smoking, as it didn’t seem to help that much, and Lia had begun asking too many questions about why I reeked of smoke constantly.