Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(10)

It was Kale’s turn to look haunted. “Eventually they’ll begin to fade. They won’t feel as real. More time will pass in between them. And then they won’t come back for years. Maybe decades. But they will never leave you. Not completely.”

Shadows lurked in his gaze. Kale had shared bits and pieces of his history with Jez and me when we’d first grown close. He didn’t share much though, and I’d never had the guts to ask him the questions that came to mind. Until now.

“What are your dreams like?” I asked, whispering because the room was dark and silent, so it felt like I should.

A small shard of light from the bulb over the stairs reached the edge of the bedroom door, providing the only illumination. Even though the sun was high in the sky, we were surrounded by shadows.

Kale held me in a protective embrace. Resting against him, I angled myself so I could watch his expression as he answered. “There’s a lot of screaming in my dreams. Only some of it is my own.”

Something withered inside me at the raw pain emanating from him. It struck deep, making me wonder if being a vampire meant carrying the past forever, unable to ever move on. Upon our mortal death, were we forever held in limbo, existing but no longer moving forward?

The thought made me ill. Letting that kind of thinking overtake my mind was dangerous. “Who was she?”

Kale seemed reluctant to say her name. Torturing him with bad memories wasn’t my intent. I wanted only to connect with him. He already knew the name of the sire who tormented my dreams.

“Her name was Eva,” he said. Staring off into the darkest corner of the room, Kale went back in time. “I was sent to spy on her. It didn’t go as planned. She killed my comrades but spared me because she loved my eyes. She gave me a crash course in torture and death. I don’t miss her.”

A strange calm had fallen. I didn’t want to speak and risk ruining it. So I waited, hoping he would share more.

“Anyway,” he said abruptly, snapping back into the present. “I should go. You need to rest. It’s early still. Mid-afternoon.”

He tried to rise, but I held tight to him, keeping him on the bed with me. “Stay. Please. Just lie with me for a while.”

There was a moment when I thought he would refuse. But his expression softened, and he nodded. “Ok. Make room for me.”

I slid into the middle of the bed so he could get in beside me. Pulling the blanket up over us, he cuddled in close, spooning me so that our bodies curled together. Kale was stiff beside me at first. It made me feel like I needed to put him at ease.

“What did she look like?” I asked, cringing at my choice of words. “I’m sorry. I’m just curious.” With Kale curled up behind me, I couldn’t see his face. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“She was a redhead. Tall. Beautiful. Absolute evil in a pretty shell. Like you would imagine evil to look if it were to take the form of a woman.” His soft sigh warmed the back of my neck. “She made me a monster.”

“And I brought you back to it, didn’t I? After you worked so hard to leave that behind.”

It had taken my own death for it to sink in that I had been such a horrible influence on Kale. The worst part, I had enjoyed it. It had started with that first kiss we shared one night during a hunt. It had spiraled out of control the night I had saved him from Shya by burdening him with me. I understood now his plea for me to free him. I finally understood. But I knew what that meant, and I still couldn’t do it.

“I never left it behind. Somehow I just learned to bury it and go on. Until you.” The arm he had wrapped over me tightened, and he kissed my shoulder. “It’s not your fault though, Alexa. You’re not the one who made me a monster.”

I lay there staring at the closed closet door. He was wrong. “Didn’t I? We’ve been killing together, and we’re too damn good at it.”

“We are, aren’t we?” His low laugh tickled the sensitive spot on the back of my neck. It was a sexy sound that, combined with the scent and feel of him, shot off a blast of excitement in the pit of my stomach.

“It’s not funny, Kale.” My attempt to sound serious failed. The touch of his lips on the back of my neck and shoulder made my tone weak.

He hugged me close, pressing against me so that there was no place that our bodies didn’t touch. “Eva was my sire. A necessary evil in the life of every vampire. You are my wake up call. You make me crazy, but you also make me want to be a better man. I never cared as much about that as I did after I met you.”

A sharp pain racked me, an emotional stab that felt physical. Kale was one of the most generous, caring people that I knew. I couldn’t help but wonder how great he could be without me holding him back.

“You keep talking about her in the past tense. As if she’s dead or something.” I kept talking, saying anything but what I was really thinking.

“She is dead. Shya killed her.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, spewing silent curses at Shya. “That’s how he got to you. Figures. Definitely sounds like his style.”

“At the time I was just happy to be rid of her. I didn’t know then that I’d just exchanged one evil for another. It was all worth it though. It’s all led to this moment. And as f*cked up as it’s all been, this moment feels pretty damn perfect.”