Forged in Steele (KGI #7)(35)

She hadn’t wanted him to leave without knowing, but then she’d thought that he’d still be there when she got the test results back and she could tell him face to face. But telling him that kind of news, and that she didn’t even have confirmation yet, when he needed absolute focus and concentration wasn’t the right thing to do. How the hell was he supposed to concentrate when his mind was occupied with the knowledge that he might be a father? No, she couldn’t drop that kind of bomb on him, and now she was glad she hadn’t told him the minute he’d arrived because the result would have been the same. He would have had to go before she got the official results, and he’d be left wondering.

Or maybe he would have actually told Sam he couldn’t go? It was a possibility, and one she would have never considered. His job was everything. It consumed his life. He’d admitted he was as married to his career as she was to hers.

But now she was faced with the results, and she’d give anything for him to be here right now. It was selfish of her. Steele saved people. It was who he was, and he was important to KGI. But she wanted him here with her to face the news, whatever it was.

The results were finished printing from the fax machine, but still, she stared down at the papers, hesitating as if they were a creepy bug about to bite her.

“Quit being such a coward,” she muttered. “You knowing one way or another doesn’t change what is. If you’re pregnant, you need to know. If you’re not, then you still need to know.”

After having an argument with herself, she snatched up the printouts and walked back to her desk. She placed the papers in front of her and then sat, taking a deep breath.

She rifled through, looking for the name she’d put on her labs. She’d go back and read the other reports later. If she attempted to make sense of them now, she’d just have to do it all over again anyway. Her only focus was on knowing whether she was pregnant.

Her pulse leapt when she got to her results and she quickly scanned, absorbing those few, life-changing words.

Positive for pregnancy.

She stared in shock, paralyzed by the revelation. Yes, she’d certainly known, suspected, that it was a good possibility. But somehow seeing it there in black and white burst her denial bubble. Maybe in the back of her mind she’d thought the results would come back negative and it all would have been a presumptuous fear on her part. But there it was. She was definitely pregnant and Steele was definitely going to be a father.

Oh God. She was going to be a mother.

She sat back in her chair and blew out a long breath. She cupped her hand over her still-flat belly and marveled that there was a tiny life growing inside her. And then, as if knowing the results had suddenly instigated her symptoms, she lurched for the wastepaper basket and emptied the contents of her stomach in a violent retch, her glasses falling down her nose and nearly into the trashcan.

She stayed there, hanging over the basket for a long moment as she tried to catch her breath. Her stomach was in knots and nausea overwhelmed her. Her pulse was racing and sweat broke out on her forehead.

When she was certain she wasn’t going to vomit anymore, she staggered out of her office and into the bathroom so she could wash out her mouth and splash cool water on her face. Then she caught her reflection in the mirror and winced at how pale she appeared.

She braced her palms on the sink and closed her eyes. Pregnant. She was carrying Steele’s baby. No matter how many times she thought it or replayed those three little words on the lab results, she still couldn’t quite wrap her brain around it.

It changed so much. It changed everything.

Never mind the fact that Steele was not going to take this kind of news well. She wasn’t taking it well! She had a practice in Bumf*ck, Costa Rica. It wasn’t an ideal place to have a baby. The nearest hospital was a two-hour drive over crappy roads. She had no access to good prenatal care. Not that she wasn’t fully capable of overseeing her own pregnancy, but she didn’t have things like a sonogram. Or access to sophisticated testing. She had the bare essentials. She sent off labs on her patients to a facility in San Jose, but for anything requiring immediate attention, she directed her patients to make the long drive to the hospital.

What the hell was she going to do?

There was also the fact that while she didn’t mind the dangers of having her practice in a rural area, it was not a place she’d want to have a baby in. She couldn’t very well devote all her time and energy to her patients if she had a newborn to care for.

She walked back to her office in a daze, settling back into her chair. She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose between two fingers.

This was completely unexpected. But that was what she got for playing with fire. And having sex with Steele was definitely playing with fire. It had been irresponsible and now they’d both pay the price.

She cringed at the thought of laying this kind of news on him. She couldn’t imagine him taking it well at all. He was no better prepared for the responsibility of a baby with his line of work than she was with hers.

How on earth were they supposed to be solid parents when he was off to parts unknown on dangerous missions and she was stuck in an isolated, rural section of Costa Rica providing free medical care for the locals?

That was even assuming he’d want any sort of responsibility when it came to their child.

She winced, knowing it was a shitty assumption on her part. Steele didn’t strike her as the kind of man who’d ever shy away from responsibility. He’d step up. She had no doubt about that. But she couldn’t see him being happy about it.