Forever Fae (Forever Fae #1)(21)
He shakes his head and grins.
“I know it’s pink.” He gives me a sly smile. “Remember a few years ago when I refused to help you paint that room because of it?” He raises his eyebrows in question and I shake my head in memory of that fun-filled day. Xylia and I tried so hard to get him to help paint that room. Xylia even offered to flash him if it would get him to help, but he still refused.
“I just wanted to see what you would say about me taking that room. I’ll stay in the one across the hall.”
That’s actually the only room he helped paint. I call it the “blueberry room.” The whole room is a mixture of shades of blue. There’s a king size bed that would be perfect for him, and a huge bathroom that could shower the whole army at the same time. I guess he knew a long time ago that the room would be his someday. He can be so arrogant sometimes.
“Calista.”
I turn to look at him and his face is weary. His voice sounds unsure. He grabs both of my hands and looks down at the floor. I lower my head to peek up at his face.
He finally lifts his head and says, “Do you mind if I come in and we talk for a little while?”
“Sure,” I say as I lead him into my room. “What do you want to talk about?”
I have a feeling it might not be something I want to hear, but I have a little bit of time before I have to meet Ryder. I open the door and he walks in behind me. He strides across my bedroom to stand in front of the huge bay window. The sprites are in full force tonight with their twinkling lights floating and flying everywhere. Sprites are tiny fae creatures that are the size of large insects. At night, their bodies glow like fireflies. It is fun to watch when they are out and about, and I’ve I watched them for hours at a time sometimes. They help Meliantha out in the flower gardens by eating the unwanted pests and plucking the weeds from the flower beds.
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach because Merrick is being unusually quiet and he has his back is to me so I can’t see his face. He’s dressed in warrior gear and golden armor. He looks like a golden angel, whereas, Ryder looks like a dark angel. They are two different men from two different worlds. His shoulders move up and down with his breathing. He’s been through so much tonight and I know he’s tired. I move up behind him and put my arms around him.
He still hasn’t answered my question about what he wants to talk about so I’ll just ask again.
“Please, Merrick, tell me what’s bothering you.”
He lets out a deep breath and says softly, “Why are you shielding your thoughts from me? We’re supposed to be connected and I need to know how you feel in order to protect you. I’m here for you and…” He says the rest silently, “I want you to need me.”
I hold him tighter and squeeze my eyes shut. I can hear his heart pounding in his chest while laying my head against his back.
He reaches up to hold my arms and I say tenderly, “Merrick, I do need you. You are my guardian now and we’ve been the best of friends for years. You have always been there for me, and I for you. I will always need you.”
He unfastens my arms so he can turn around to face me. His gorgeous blond hair is thick and sweeps across his forehead where it partially covers his right eye. I lift my hand to move it out of the way. He grabs my hand and holds it to his face. He closes his eyes for a few seconds, but when he opens them, his eyes bear into mine and I can’t look away.
“I love you.”
I close my eyes because the words are what I feared I would hear. I don’t want him to see the pain in my eyes because he means so much to me. To hurt him in that way is going to break my heart. I just wish I could love him.
“I heard that, Calista,” He says this with an arrogant smirk on his face, but the hurt is clearly hidden underneath all that armor.
“Dammit, now do you see why I shield? I didn’t want you to hear that,” I say as I turn and walk away. He grabs my arm before I have a chance and turns me back to face him.
He holds me in place and stares into my eyes.
“I’m going to say this again. I love you, Calista, and I always have. You can’t tell me you didn’t know.”
I look at him with tears in my eyes and my voice shakes when I speak.
“I assumed you did, but I didn’t want to face it. I do love you, but not in that way. You’re my guardian now and we can’t complicate things like this.”
He takes both my hands and kisses the palm he had to slash in the ceremony.
“If you would just let me love you,” he says as he moves closer so our bodies are touching. “It would make me the best guardian in history. I could watch over your body day,” he lifts my chin and moves his lips closer to mine, “and night.”
His lips close over mine in a gentle caress. I’m shocked by it and I’m not sure what I should be feeling. I feel no passion to reciprocate the kiss so I stand there hoping he will pull back, but he pulls me closer to him and I begin to feel trapped. His kiss becomes frantic and possessive and his emotions are coming at me full force. The love and longing he has felt for me all these years are blasting through my mind. It’s too much and it’s making me dizzy with all of his thoughts plaguing my mind. He doesn’t let me go and his lips are aggressively taking over mine. I try to pull away, but he holds on tighter. It’s getting hard to breathe and I start to panic. Anger is starting to settle in my gut and I know he would never intentionally hurt me, but this is going too far.