Fools Rush in(107)

A month after landing in France, she’d enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu, where she’d been ever since, studying to become a chef. At Christmas, my parents and Danny had gone to Paris for the holidays. Trish and Sam had been to Notre Dame twice together, to see Danny off and for Parents Weekend, but Trish had not been on the Cape for a year and a half. I’d spoken to her on the phone a few times, and we’d been very cautious and cordial with each other. Of course, she’d been invited to the wedding…she was my sister, after all, but she’d been vague about coming.

She looked, as always, stunningly beautiful. Her hair was quite short, very French, and she wore a navy-blue dress, very Coco Chanel, very Juliette Binoche. She looked closer to twenty-five than forty.

“Hi,” I ventured, unsure of her purpose here. I gave her a stiff hug, which she returned with equal uncertainty.

“Hi. Sorry I didn’t let you know for sure…” Her voice trailed off. “Listen, have you got a minute?”

“Well, actually, we’re about to…sure,” I answered, my palms growing clammy. Please, please don’t let her ruin this day, I prayed.

“I’ll make it short,” Trish said. She came over to the edge of the bed and sat down, crossing her legs and making me feel, as she always did, a bit like a frump, even on my wedding day. I fluffed my dress out so it wouldn’t wrinkle and looked at my sister expectantly.

“Um, Millie,” she began, suddenly looking at her perfect manicure. “I’m sorry that I didn’t let you know I was coming. It was kind of a last-minute decision. In fact, I kind of sneaked in the back door. Nobody else knows I’m here, just Katie.”

“Oh,” I said.

She twisted a silver ring. “Anyway, I just…well, it’s not every day your ex-husband marries your sister. I wasn’t sure if you really wanted me here.”

“We invited you for just that reason, Trish,” I fibbed.

“Well, I guess you’d have to invite your sister,” she said. I didn’t say anything, just watched her fidget. It was so unlike her.

“All right, listen, Millie. I’ll say my piece, then I’ll fly, because you do have other things to do, right? I wanted to see you today. You’re my only sister, it’s your wedding day, and I just wanted to see you and wish you the best. I hope you and Sam are very happy together. Okay?”

I stared at my sister. She had always been so beautiful, so supremely confident, and yet here she was, babbling and nervous, and I suddenly felt a wave of…something. She stood up as if to leave.

“Is there something else you wanted?” I asked gently.

Trish turned around, quickly, took a breath as if to say something, then sighed. “Yes. I’m sorry I was such a crappy sister.”

“You weren’t—” I began automatically, then stopped myself as the shock of her words hit me.

“I was. I have been.” She sat back down. “Millie,” she said, taking a big breath, “I’ve done a lot of thinking lately. Since I left the Cape, I mean. I’ve thought about the two of us a lot. Not just because you were with Sam, but…well, we’ve never really been close. And since I was older, I guess it was my fault.”

“Trish—”

“No, it was. I mean, when we were kids, that was one thing, sisters fight all the time, right? But when we were older…I should have been nicer to you, Millie, but to be honest, I was just so jealous.”

An incredulous snort burst out of me.

“I was,” Trish protested. “You were always the smart one. Mom and Dad were always so proud of your grades and your advanced placement courses, and your college and on and on. And I was just the pretty one.” She stopped, her face flushing pink. “Whoops.”

“Well, it’s true. You’re still the pretty one, Trish.”

“No, Millie. Take a look in that mirror. You’re beautiful.” Her gentle words brought tears to my eyes. It was the first time that I could remember Trish ever saying anything so nice to me.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Millie,” Trish said slowly. “I shouldn’t have pinned all my dreams on Sam. I was just a kid back then, and I was so afraid he was going to have this wonderful, glamorous life without me, so I got pregnant. I was too scared to see if he’d stay with me otherwise. And then, when I left him for Avery, that was even worse. The same mistake, thinking a man could make me happy, and that time I was old enough to know better.”

She paused, looking down at her sleek shoes, and when she spoke again, her voice was husky. “But I think the biggest mistake has been keeping you at arm’s length, Millie. At the end of the day, if your own sister doesn’t love you, then what kind of a person must you be?”

“But I do love you, Trish.”

As the words left my mouth, I realized they were true. Sure, there were plenty of times when I hadn’t liked my sister, but underneath the irritation and jealousy and rejection that I’d always felt, there it was—the rock-solid love you could only feel for a person who shared your gene pool.

“And I’ve always been jealous of you,” I went on, reaching out to hold her hand. “Not just because you’re so beautiful, though I have to say, it wasn’t easy being the dumpy sister of the swan princess. But also because you were always so together, so confident. You were always so sure of yourself, in a way that I never was. And you…you had Sam.”